To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

My friend did this. Right before my baby was born she came over and her toddler lay on my new playmats and got her dirty feet all over it. I was annoyed. She said ' wait til your baby is born, they'll get dirty anyway' and I was like 'well yeah but from my own baby who I bought them for!'

I don’t think you were being at all unreasonable OP. 💐

She had no intention of bringing the 'other car seat' she always planned using yours.

Tell her to learn to drive.

YANBU. I would have felt the same. And I think is odd that she felt entitled to the seat.

Do tell more, though. I want to hear the background.

How many times does a PFB have to use a car seat / buggy / cot / high chair before it is acceptable let another child borrow it?

And what about second / third and beyond children? Do they get everything straight from the Mothercare box, or is used but given a good wash OK for them?

You are not BU.
You wanted your new pristine car seat for your new pristine baby.
I would too.
No excuses.
She should have arranged to get the seat from her mums.

"And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat! "

And she was so bothered about her DS's safety she couldn't be arsed to keep to the agreement - that "she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day."

No, I would not have been happy for her to use my stuff when she has her own. And I would not have been happy with her entitled attitude.

@manicinsomniac I went and bought the seat.
I figured from somewhere like Argos, a car seat is going to pass the legal requirements and be safe enough for occasional use, it might just not be the fanciest or prettiest one.
It took me all of ten/fifteen minutes to go and buy it and now she has a spare in her loft for if she needs to use it ever and my car seat is unused.

I might be bonkers but I'm no push over, if I don't want anyone to use the car seat, nobody uses the car seat

PS to those questioning why I have it in the car already, I'm a FTM, I'm a bit anxious as most people are, it makes me happy and excited to practise every now and again. Plus, it means it's not sat in the middle of the nursery which is currently being redecorated and plastered etc.

PPS to those saying she might have been embarrassed about me spending the money, certainly not the case. I do a LOT for this friend, she has never batted an eyelid at me forking out small fortunes for her and her kids who I do love dearly. She can be a bit of a CF when it comes to money so she could possibly afford me the luxury of being a little bit precious.

She's no friend.. tell her to fuck on next time.

Again very confused. 1yo wont fit in a new born car seat.

Yes YABU. Car seat wont get dirty from one use. Safety and getting on with friends more important than acting like a toddler who wont share.

Even though I allowed my niece to use my unborn child's pram and cot that was with my consent and my sister was travelling a fair distance to come and see me.

But I totally get why you would not want another child in your car seat. Plus on mine the straps would have to have been adjusted for a larger child rather than being in the newborn position.

Lots of women go into labour early and it makes complete sense to practice using baby equipment before the baby is born.

So no, YANBU. Your "friend" should have remembered the car seat. In future it could be the difference between her going on a trip and not if there is no other car seat available for her.

• OFF even hahahaa

No chance I would’ve let her use it. It would be like buying a new car for then letting a friend have first drive. Or buying a house and letting a friend have the keys on completion and go in first.

My money my item I get to call the shots.

I kind of get it from both sides.

I had images of my dd in her car seat and it would have felt tainted if another child or baby was in there..after all you have to have baby in a car seat to bring them home..so that's kind of your first proper image and that journey home is emotional.

However 19 months on and lots of second hand stuff later, sharing bits ect I look back at that person and think.... you were mad... who cares as long as it's clean and safe it doesn't matter if someone else has used it

(Although would never buy a second hand car seat)

So ywnbu as it mattered to you but your friend also wasn't being a cf as she is already at that stage of realising it doesn't matter

First world PFB problem in my opinion
But each to their own....
Good luck with baby

I don't think you're bonkers at all. You only have your first baby once and it's perfectly normal to want everything new and perfect for your baby.

Then your 'friend', upon you offering to pay for a seat and for her to keep it as a spare, has the downright cheek to say that's 'fucking ridiculous' AND call you 'precious'??? well fuck you friend and watch as i ride off with my spanking brand new car seat in the back, bitch! Honestly - she's a friend???? That's not how friends speak to other

For a good friend who genuinely was stuck without a seat, I'd absolutely let them use the seat. I'm suspicious though that this friend was being cheeky and thought it would be more convenient for her to use your new seat than retrieve her own so reasonable to say no.

I can’t believe what I’m reading in some of these responses. Your baby is not born, has no idea about a sodding unused car safety device, but youre unhappy about your friends DS using a safety device , you would rather buy another, spend £40 for no reason. What a sad, materialistic, entitled attitude you have. I Guess you’re gonna bring your child up with this caring attitude towards others too. Shame.

Lol as unreasonable as it might be, id have felt the same!

A ONE YEAR OLD WILL FIT IN A NEWBORN CARSEAT. They have pads and head huggers to make them suitable for tiny babies. They then continue to work up till around 18 months, depending on size of child. Many parents seem to think their child has outgrown the seat as part of the mad rush to get them into a forward facing seat.

I'm on your side OP. I don't think that YABU. I think your friend is definitely a bit of a CF. Very convenient of her to 'forget' the car seat at her mothers when she knew you had one.
The fact that she doesn't drive and by the sounds of things, is obviously one of these people that EXPECT lifts from others, well I won't even get started on that one!

Another who'd have been exactly the same. But I'm weird about lending stuff anyway. It is very pfb though, I know.

I suspect there is a bit of a divide here between posters who are pregnant, and those who already have their children. When you cross over to the other side, come back and re-read the OP and see how you feel!

Why do people act all sharey when they want something? ( I know it isn't a word)
It doesn't matter if it's your first or second it's your child's item.
I reused my dc things again and bought secondhand, but still their are items I want new like their first outfit.
And the fact that she assumed is rude and then to have excuses and make the cheap seat comment because at the end of the day she was wrong because she forgot!

Expecting someone to fix your problems and when they don't agree or give another option become defensive= CF

How do you mean, Muddy?

My children are 20 and 13. I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable.