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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

351 replies

bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 21:42

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

OP posts:
GoGoGadgetGin · 28/02/2019 21:55

Well of COURSE your child being the first ever to sit in the seat is such a more important thing than the seat being used for the purpose of keeping a child safe!

Grumpelstilskin · 28/02/2019 21:56

She should have remembered the car seat. It would be a huge o from me too and I would have left her and the sprog there for taking such a shitty attitude over her own mistake.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/02/2019 21:56

I'm surprised so many people would be bothered by this. They're just things.

DappledThings · 28/02/2019 21:56

Next time it might be your new high chair /buggy!!

What if it is? As long as no child is actually being turfed out, which as it's unborn would be impossible, how on earth does it matter?

SherlockSays · 28/02/2019 21:56

Nope I wouldn't have liked it, I also don't think a size 0 car seat would have fit a 1 year old and therefore not safe anyway!

Lelly0503 · 28/02/2019 21:56

Some of these replies are odd. It’s a car seat not a toy or something that will obviously be used. The newborn would have absoloutely no idea another child had been in the car seat. Plus it’s. Car seat, it’s hardly the most exciting baby item, pram maybe but not a car seat. Sorry OP I think you were bu. Don’t you as friends help each other out? it might be you forgetting something one day!

TitsAndTomatoes · 28/02/2019 21:57

This has actually happened to me. Brand new car and newly fitted seat when i was around 33 weeks pregnant.
Drove my sil and nephew somewhere. Notoriously messy nephew. Love him to absolute bits. I didnt think twice before plonking him in it. Just told my sil 'hes allowed to make a mess because hes cute. But you have to clean it up!'. Laughed it off but was serious at the same time. No food and no drinks consumed in the seat anyway so it was fine.
I do think you are being a little unreasonable here. You have to see it from her POV.
She forgot her car seat.
You have one.
She doesnt want to be humiliated by needing you to buy her a whole new one, especially a cheap one she will never want to use.

The only thing id say is, would her DS fit in your newborn seat? My DD id 10 months and although still under the weight range for her seat, she is getting v tall so her head is nearing the top of the seat and will need a group 1 seat before her 1st bday....

SpareASquare · 28/02/2019 21:57

Super precious. I'm embarrassed FOR you Grin

NCforthisoneb · 28/02/2019 21:57

YANBU

It was wrong of your friend to assume she could use the seat

Itssosunnyout · 28/02/2019 21:57

Your friend should have been more organised. I get that we all rush but its cheeky for her to just expect that she can use your carseat that's never even been used before.

Sexnotgender · 28/02/2019 21:57

YANBU, I understand not wanting the seat used before you get to bring your new baby home in it.

waitingforever · 28/02/2019 21:59

@bubblegumbottles I don't understand the posters who are saying you are being unreasonable. Your CF friend who assumed she will borrow your baby car seat is an idiot. You are perfectly right in not letting your baby car seat be used by someone else first. This is your first baby!! Plus you offered to buy another. What kind of an idiot thinks you were being unreasonable. Tell the friend to get lost!

Rtmhwales · 28/02/2019 21:59

Oh god. YABU and PFB. It's a car seat.

Friend should've asked beforehand but to be honest I'm surprised you have it full set up anyway.

TitsAndTomatoes · 28/02/2019 21:59

I cant believe some of the replies on here. Twattish remarks!
Mothers are allowed to forget things!

FullOfJellyBeans · 28/02/2019 21:59

I'm assuming this was a car seat which a one year old would fit in. I can kind of understand how you feel. I was OTT with my first but I do think you were being very very precious.

MrsAJ27 · 28/02/2019 22:00

You're friend is an arsehole...she should have made sure her child had a car seat...You were kind in offering to buy another car seat and she was still rude...I think I would block her tbh!

Guineapiglet345 · 28/02/2019 22:00

I would have said the same as you, I bet she “forgot” on purpose hoping to use your nice new one.

To me having my first baby was special, I wouldn’t have wanted their stuff to be used before they were even born. But then I’m precious and unashamedly so!

frazzledasarock · 28/02/2019 22:00

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Your things, you can choose not to have someone else use them. It’s not bonkers or PFB. Rather you say then seethe quietly about it for ages.

And if she doesn’t want a ‘shitty’ car seat why didn’t she bother bringing hers as you asked. She is rude and entitled. Just because you own something doesn’t mean she is automatically entitled to use it.

You were already doing her a favour by driving her and her child for the day trip.

So what happened?

Chocolatecakes · 28/02/2019 22:01

Yanbu. I would have felt the same. Your friend should not have assumed she could use your car seat

BertrandRussell · 28/02/2019 22:01
  1. If it’s a newborn car seat it won’t be suitable for a 1 year old. And vice versa.
  2. What is a “shitty” car seat?
Original poster
bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 22:01

Wow, I feel like I've split the room 😂

I don't really mind if it makes me bonkers 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think we're allowed to be a little bit entitled about our baby's new things, especially if they were a gift.

There are a few more aspects to this but I hate a drip feed so I won't bore you all with one. Thanks for your input, all!

OP posts:
Sandbrook · 28/02/2019 22:04

I would be more concerned about the car seat being suitable for a newborn if a 1yo can safely travel in it

ParkaPerson · 28/02/2019 22:04

Bizarre and precious

My baby is 3 months old and I enjoyed practising with my friend's now 1yr old with things like the car seat and baby carrier. Made me much more confident when baby arrived. They're only things.

NerrSnerr · 28/02/2019 22:04

It's just stuff. Your baby won't care if someone else has sat in the car seat first. What would you have done with the seat you offered to buy? What a huge waste of money and resources just because you don't want to share!

Fair enough not to let him eat in the car but what a huge faff having to mess with car seats when you have one already installed in your car!!

Iseewhatyoumeanthistime · 28/02/2019 22:05

How would a 1yro even fit in a newborn car seat?

Your friend shouldn't have just assumed your car seat was available- what if you had taken it out of your car?

I can understand you being a bit miffed.

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