To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

she came over and her toddler lay on my new playmats and got her dirty feet all over it.

Why were they on the floor?

I'm on your side too OP, and your friend and the posters saying that your baby will not care are spectacularly missing the point.

Having a baby (especially your first) is an exciting and nerve wracking time and I really enjoyed choosing all the bits and pieces I needed for mine. I'll admit I was very precious about being the first to use them all. But I bought them so why not?

You didn't leave her in the lurch, you found another solution (and a generous one at that).

What exactly are you practicing with the seat when you don’t have a baby to put in it yet ? Do you stand lifting it in and out of the car waiting for it to beep as it clips in... sorry I find this bizarre.

I don’t think it was very kind to your friend, a baby is a baby and if my friend had refused to allow my baby to use a piece of safety equipment then I did have felt pretty insulted. I’d also be insulted that you’d bought a cheap seat for my child, that you’d prefer to spend money, needlessly, than allow my baby use of an empty car seat that was in the car.

I think people are being unfair on the friend by saying she should have remembered the car seat, not every mother has everything together all the time. Maybe she’d had a hectic morning and it had slipped her mind.

I get the PFB thing though, so I don’t think you deserve a hard time. I would be apologising to the friend, once she’s feeling less stressed about the situation then she should understand and I’d be expecting an apology for her reaction.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant with my first child. Absolutely no way would I be letting another child use my baby's brand new car seat before he does.

The same as I wouldn't let a friend use my new hairdryer before me, or wear my new shoes before me, or wear my new outfit before me.

I don't care if that makes me a PFB. I'm actually astounded that somebody would be so entitled to think it's okay to use somebody's brand new seat before the baby does.

Yabu and I was quite PFB about a lot of things but they came from a place of worry/anxiety not “he’s my first born and shall only have new stuff”.

It’s wasteful to buy another car seat when it wasn’t necessary.

You’ve just bought a new hairdryer and your friend arrives round having been caught in a thunderstorm - you’d say no, “friend”, I am saving my hairdryer’s virgin drying session for me??

The same as I wouldn't let a friend use my new hairdryer before me, or wear my new shoes before me, or wear my new outfit before me

I wouldn’t lend out my shoes or clothes but would have no qualms about a hairdryer. It’s just stuff??

Cringe for you op.

There will be a time in about 13 months, when you realise why your friend forgot the car seat, and why she wouldn't put her DS in a £40 seat from Argos, even for a short trip.

However, I understand your PFBness. It's a special time before all your priorities change beyond all recognition

Shiny car seat - not important; child safety - priority.

I would not have wanted another baby in my brand new car seat either, and I think you were very generous to offer to go and buy her another one.

Hilariousl, it's a car seat ! I would have been pleased to give it a run and to feel that it was getting used.

The "friend " was rude, regardless.

YABU definitely

Yanbu. I wanted my dd to be the first to use all of her lovely things. Also supposing you were in a prang or the seat got dropped, who would be replacing it?

In a prang, the insurance company would be replacing it.

This is baffling!

She already has multiple children according to your earlier posts but you have bought her another (spare) car seat for £40 and let her keep it even though she thought your idea was "fucking ridiculous" and is known to be a CF who can afford the luxury of you being precious - Ie she knows you will buy stuff for her?

But you aren't a pushover?! She played you like a fiddle!

In a prang surely everyone would be thinking isn’t it great the dear child would be safe and not in a £40 car seat from Argos?

I’ve got one seat bealt in the back that’s not been used yet.when someone sits there I might tell them they can’t use it, I’m saving it for someone

Oh God .
The sensible part of me would think it's only a car seat , it's not an issue and whatever.

The PFB Mum in me would be cringing at every drop of biscuit or spit up
I think yabu BUT I would feel the same.

Would a 1yo even fit in a newborn car seat?

Yes of course they would.

This. Bit of a moot point

Not really.

People should really check things out before posting bollocks. So many people have said the same thing. Have you all got a google block or something? Go get the facts.

I am on your side with this OP and would have felt the same I have a pfb, a psb and a ptb. If I buy or am given something brand new intended for them I wouldn't want someone else using it first. It's not rational it's entirely emotional, you've been waiting months to put your baby in that seat for the first time, it's their seat.

I can't believe you bought a seat and she kept it though. Surely it could have been your spare as you paid for it. The reality is in any other circumstance she wouldn't have been able to come because she forgot the seat. You didn't owe her a seat because you weren't prepared to share yours. I can understand why you bought it though (you are kind and recognise you are being a bit precious)

And as you say it's a no frills seat but it will still meet all the safety requirements otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to sell it.

I have a question for those who feel the OP is being unreasonable.

If you bought a new expensive outfit for a specific event, and a friend told you that they had forgotten their own outfit for an important event, would you lend them yours even if you hadn't worn it yet?

Personally I dont think I have the right to tell someone that I have decided one of their possessions is now basically communal property.

Fuck her, if she wants a lift she can sort her own car seat, but she 'forgot'.

I don't think an outfit for a specific event is on an equal footing with a seat.