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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

351 replies

bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 21:42

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

OP posts:
DappledThings · 28/02/2019 22:05

This is one of those times I think I'm in a parallel universe.

If I found myself without a car seat being offered a lift from someone with a suitable seat in place it wouldn't cross my mind it was remotely offensive to use it.

It's an eye-opener!

And 1 year olds can fit in new born seats. DC2 is 14 months and just starting to outgrow the first seat. DC1 was about 15 months in it.

ladythatlunches84 · 28/02/2019 22:06

I wouldn't want another child in my DC's car seat, definitely not my unborn childs car seat and probably not even if my child had already used it. YANBU, the mum is a CF and it was lovely if you to be willing to purchase another seat for her child.

Sick of seeing all these bollucks comments from people who just want to trash the OP.
Time for me to delete this app I think!

PuzzlingPuzzle · 28/02/2019 22:07

I let a friend use my car seat before DD was born. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to say no to be honest... I think you’d be perfectly ok to say no eating or drinking in the seat though! And I also let the same baby use the high chair when she came round- it had been bought for DD but she was still too small for it. The friend reciprocated by letting DD nap in her cot when we were at hers and by letting me borrow her seat belt only infant carrier for a holiday. You get what you give.

ASurfeitOfDuncans · 28/02/2019 22:07

FFS! You offered her a lift as a favour. You give her an inch and she takes a mile! You offered to buy her another seat? Fuck that. She's too fucking lazy and entitled to get the seat she has. CF

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/02/2019 22:08

YABabitU not to let her use your seat. It only gets manky if they are sick which is unlikely or you go somewhere muddy or give them them snacks, which you can control.

But She WBU to refuse your offer of another seat, there is no rule that more expensive = safer and they all pass minimum safety standards

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/02/2019 22:08

I think you're absolutely nuts OP but this is your first baby so you get a pass! Grin

MummySharkBabyShark · 28/02/2019 22:09

Totally not being unreasonable. Perhaps take the car seat out now and store it so it stays nice.

CantWaitForSpring1 · 28/02/2019 22:09

Definitely PFB. It’s a car seat. Your baby won’t remember the first time it went in the brand new car seat, buggy, bath seat, Moses basket, cot ... I seriously don’t think she forgot so “she could use your nice new one” either. I would just say that in a year’s time, when your PFB is one and you one day leave the house in a rush, remember this moment when you’ve forgotten insert random item here and you need to borrow one from your friend. I just hope she is more generous of spirit than you.

givemesteel · 28/02/2019 22:09

Yes I get this OP I wouldn't have wanted to either. Of course it's pfb but you're allowed to be, it's your money, your first baby, I think a really key memory is when you bundle your tiny newborn up in the hospital and the dad carries the baby in the car seat, it's a special little moment, so I get why you'd want your baby to be the first in the seat.

But in the situation you're talking about I'd probably just suck it up and let the kid use the seat but just be pissed off about it.

I guess it would have been better to lie and say you're taking the seat back and swapping for another one so it can't be used.

So Yanbu for feeling that way, but probably a bit yabu for not letting her use it.

Your friend is definitely unreasonable however for forgetting the seat, she needs to take responsibility for her baby's safety and not rely on others. It's not something she should be forgetting, it's not like coming out without wetwipes.

SoThisHappened · 28/02/2019 22:09

I generally have low tolerance for PFBs... but I completely agree with you on this!

Her failure to remember the carseat isn't your problem.

I'd be suspicious that she 'forgot' the carseat because picking it up was a pain and hadn't actually forgotten it at all.

I think it's perfectly fine when someone has bought a gift for you for you to use with your baby that your baby is the first one to use it.

Fatasfook · 28/02/2019 22:09

Totally PFB, and rightly so! I would have felt the same.

KatnissMellark · 28/02/2019 22:09

Sick of seeing all these bollucks comments from people who just want to trash the OP.
Time for me to delete this app I think!

You ok hun?

diddl · 28/02/2019 22:10

I do get where you're coming from tbh.

That said, if she had forgotten her carseat & you had one in your car, seems daft to not not let her use it if it was suitable.

I think it's odd that it's in your car already.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 28/02/2019 22:10

You can buy car seats that go from birth to 4 years that start rear facing then turn around as child grows but you would need to mess about adjusting the straps and insert etc.

I think friend was a cheeky fucker. She should've got her own seat.

Elliss2018 · 28/02/2019 22:13

I would have felt exactly the same as you! YANBU

jumpyfroglet · 28/02/2019 22:13

Nah I'd have felt exactly the same as you op. I wouldn't have wanted the risk of any other baby's Von or shit on my car seat whether they were using it yet or not.

She shouldn't be so disorganised and bring her own bloody seat!

TokyoSushi · 28/02/2019 22:14

I would feel the same I actually don't like anybody using any of my stuff but I wouldn't have made a fuss and would have let her use it, although I would have been secretly annoyed!

Petalflowers · 28/02/2019 22:15

I would have Felt the same as you. She should have brought her car seat. You even offered to buy her another one (very generous of you) and she refused that! The car seat was a gift for,your baby, not for so,some else.

ReaganSomerset · 28/02/2019 22:15

Would a 1yo even fit in a newborn car seat?

This. Bit of a moot point

JayneyMc4 · 28/02/2019 22:16

You're 32 weeks pregnant and you're 'practicing' with a car seat? How difficult is this thing to put in the car? Ffs this is the parents that make me scream, it's a baby lots of people have them, it's not hard. Stop being an arse.

MondeoFan · 28/02/2019 22:17

Nope I'd never let her kid use my seat. I'd be exactly same as you.

BlimeyCalmDown · 28/02/2019 22:17

I'd feel the same OP

Dutch1e · 28/02/2019 22:17

I'm trying to imagine leaving a mate on the footpath with her kid, watching me drive away with an empty car seat to go an buy another carseat.

Bonkers.

hannah162 · 28/02/2019 22:18

Her own fault for forgetting it! I would have felt exactly the same as you.

NWQM · 28/02/2019 22:19

Honestly surprised that so many people are flaming the friend here....doesn't everyone remember the chaos of having a one year old, no sleep, possibly some PND who knows. Remembering to have a car seat if I didn't drive....there were a couple of times when I was lucky to have remembered the toddler :-)

Hopefully you will chill out OP when baby comes along. I'm having a little chuckle at the luxury of having a car seat early to practise with...& the time to do it...not forgetting the luxury of being able to spend £40 on a 'whim'.

Takes a village and all that I'm not sure you were very supporting on this occasion. Hopefully your friends will be more generous should you ever make a mistake as a parent, need something that you haven't got to hand etc.

It is totally your choice but parenting is hard. I really would try and avoid being 'that' parent and be more collegiate.

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