To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

Of course a 1 year old can fit into a newborn car seat! Take the head hugger out and all 3 of mine were in their 1st stage bucket seats until they were about 15 months old.

Eek, my DS slept in the new pristine cot my sister bought for her unborn baby. I hope she hasnt been quietly seething with rage at me these past few years!

Logical Yabu but I would feel the same way.
First time mums are precious about things like this so it's totally normal

I think you're bonkers!! Totally ridiculous reaction on your part.

It seems as if you're being VVU to me right now, but neurotic pfb pregnant me would have felt the same as you.

@PotteringAlong I forget that DD is larger than average. She outgrew hers at seven months. Too tall for it.

You are totally ridiculous. As long as her child wasn’t eating an ice cream or a packet of crisps whilst sat in it, it isn’t going to be forever tarnished for your precious first born! As for suggesting you buy some cheap crap seat for £40 for her to use, I’d have told you where to go. Shit seat is ok for the friend’s child but oooo I can bet once your child arrives it’ll be only the £400 isofix, isafe, reclining, rear facing, heated seat will do!!

I would have let her use the car seat. I certainly wouldn't have offered to buy her a new one. I think you were being a bit precious, but I also think being precious about your PFB is understandable. And if your friend wants her baby in a car seat of a particular type she should have bloody well remembered it as she had agreed. But how did she even know you'd have yours with you to assume she'd be able to use it? Wouldn'tyounormally take it out if you're going to give someone with a baby in a car seat a ride?

I can’t get my head around the fact it’s just a car seat for a child of someone who, I assume, is a good friend if yours. If she had asked for it to put in another car then maybe but it’s in your car and you are driving

What happens in 12 months if you are stuck and need something from your friend for your child and she says no.

I’m also confused as to why you would offer to buy them a car seat. Surely you should have just said no and left your friend and her child at the side of the road and driven off into the sunset.

Oh cringe!

PFBs Car seat can’t be tainted with “older baby germs” what mess exactly would the 1 year old be making? As long as you didn’t give him food or drink it would be fine. And even if he did you can was the covers!

My PFBs first car seat was second hand passed on by my cousin. Cot was 20 years old and several babies down the line. Cot sheets were mine and then my sisters when we were babies. Babygros were my Exps when he was a baby.

I think we're allowed to be a little bit entitled about our baby's new things, especially if they were a gift.

You are of course, and you’re friends are entitled to call you on it when you visit it on them.

wash

I both a) think you are nuts and b) would have felt EXACTLY the same way.

Btw what happened in the end OP?

So what did you do in the end? Lend her the seat or not go on the trip?

I'm not sure YWBU actually. I bought all of my children's baby stuff from charity shops and eBay and the car seat was one of the things I got the most stick over - apparently you shouldn't use second hand ones so presumably there's something about them that makes them less safe if multiple children use them?

You wanted to risk her child in a cheap crap car seat rather than let her use the one you had bought just because your baby hadn’t used it yet?

I’m the kind of person who get annoyed about people reading magazines or books before I do but I can’t get my head round this at all.

I am boggling a bit at driving around with a car seat already in the car at 32 weeks pregnant.
Long time ago now but mine were not in the same car seat they came out of hospital in 12 months later either.

I understand how you feel and I don't honestly know how I would have reacted so no judgement from me ;-)

however in future if you need to share a car seat you can pop a puppy pee pad down with a slit cut in it for the car seat buckle to run through, this way the seat stays clean if there are any wee/poo accidents in it and I wouldn't let the child eat in the car seat either (but I don't let mine eat in them either).

YABU. Sorry!

What does PFB mean?

apparently you shouldn't use second hand ones so presumably there's something about them that makes them less safe if multiple children use them?

Firstly, this was one child using it once, not multiple children.

Secondly, the reason second hand car seats aren’t advised is because you can’t guarantee they have been treated well. A seat repeatedly dropped is less safe, or if it’s been in an accident, or if it’s been left sitting in an attic exposed to temperature changes can weaken the plastic.

I get where you were coming from op. I’d have felt the very same.
A former friend of mine bought me a travel cot to use as a playpen when I had my ds, then she asked to borrow it back for her nephews child who was visiting her and when I said we were using it she replied that I’d have to get her one somewhere.
I lent it to her and then I put it in the attic and never used it and I never will. I’ll give it away.
I get why you said no. I’m too much of a people pleaser to though

I'd totally forgotten that my friend used our seat first. I was "snowed in" with SPD in the final weeks of pregnancy. I didn't dare drive on ice, didn't really fit behind the steering wheel, and could barely make it to the end of the cul-de-sac on foot. She came over to see with her 10m old with her pram on the bus, requiring at least an hour's travel and a change in the middle. The bus services were disrupted by the weather and she could only use every other bus return hourly because of the tickets and bus companies running the route. DH came home early, so it was a no brainer that he used our new car seat to take her and her baby home saving a long awkward journey.

My overriding memories of DS using the carseat for the first time included blasting his way through his nappy and needing an emergency nappy change on the floor of the maternity reception as there were no nappy change facilities for people who were discharged. A toturous, slow stagger to the pick up area because I was refused a wheelchair (otherwise I wasn't fit for discharge) despite the fact that I hadn't walked nearly that far in at least 3 months And randomly sobbing in the backseat of the car for no particular reason other than the hell of being in hospital for 4+ days finally being over and the fear of being at home on our own with baby when I couldn't even cope in hospital.
I can't say that helping a friend out and the seat being used really took the glory off the first time DS1 used it

DS2 didn't seem bothered that DS1 got 12 months out of it either

Sorry, you're being PFB!

@manic, the reason you shouldn't use SH car seats is because you don't know the history of them or if they have been in an accident, an in date one with known history is fine.

@manicinsomniac the reason you don't use second hand car seats is you don't know whether they've been in an accident or not. Also you could argue if used for long stretches you can apply the argument that is given re second hand mattresses-you don't know how they've been stored and if they've been protected from mould/chemical exposure etc.

Using the same item for more than one child is fine if it's not been damaged/stored incorrectly.

Long time ago now but mine were not in the same car seat they came out of hospital in 12 months later either.
Mine was. She was about 18 months before she moved to the next one.

I can totally understand your feelings OP. Most of us would feel a bit annoyed about being asked to lend a brand new item to a friend before you’ve even used it yourself. Before my DS was born I purposely packed his stuff away and told visiting SIL (who had an 18mo) that we hadn’t bought stuff like changing mat and high chair yet. Because she wanted her DC to use all our DC’s stuff so she didn’t have to fetch her own stuff when she visited. I felt it was like letting someone else unwrap his expensive presents before his birthday.