To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

Nope I wouldn't have liked it, I also don't think a size 0 car seat would have fit a 1 year old and therefore not safe anyway!

My first born was in hers till 18 months. It’s about size not just age!

For those defending the £40 car seat, here is a crash test video of a Nania seat, which is commonly sold for around £40 or rebranded and sold by Mothercare and other retailers for a similar price. These seats are easily identified by having adjusters on the straps themselves with white bits on them.

The minimum standard is a frontal impact at 30mph, which means hitting something stationary at 30mph, or you having a head on collision with another car where both cars are doing 15mph. This is what happens to these seats when they are crash tested at 40mph:

The standard was set a long time ago in terms of how well cars withstood crashes and how far and how fast people tended to drive. The bare minimum is still better than no car seat but it is by far not ideal.

Someone mentioned neck injuries, which are almost completely eliminated by rear facing as the forces are absorbed by the seat rather than the harness and the neck and spine. Here is a video explaining why: We would all be safer rear facing when travelling at speed!

Your friend is a twat. You are not being unreasonable.

I think you’re completely nuts. Can’t imagine suggesting buying an unnecessary £40 low quality car seat rather than let my friend have one single use of my unborn baby’s seat. What a waste of money and resources.

I'm with you OP. I think it's reasonable to want your baby to be the first to use the car seat.

I would have let her use it but I would have been upset about it. I can't really explain why, but I'm with you OP.

Another one who thinks you are NOT being precious , bonkers or unreasonable.

She’s a cheeky cow and should’ve sorted the car seat. She’s ‘forgot’ because she knew you had a brand new car seat in your car! What if you’d have taken the car seat out and left it at your mums or something.
Would she then be annoyed at you for YOUR child’s car seat not being available.

If you were going out for the day in 10 weeks time I can gaurentee she wouldn’t forget her child’s car seat!

Good on you for refusing. Not to mention looking at my newborn in his car seat now.. a 1 year old definitely wouldn’t fit it in

I'd absolutely have let her use it. You sound incredibly unreasonable.

I'm not sure you've realised how much you'll depend on friends and family to help you out of a tight spot when you have children.

Hopefully they'll treat you better than you treat them. If not, well, a little poetic.

I let my SIL use my brand new cot, sheets, change table etc when she came to stay. What is wrong with you??

Give it a few months the car seat will have had shit, vomit and god knows what else on it and you'll look back and realise how slightly ridiculous you were

A few people on here don't seen to realise the group 0 car seats are actually the safest option for many 1 year olds (and older). Only when the child's head exceeds the top of the car seat or the weight limit of the car seat does it need changing, this is why many 18 month olds are still in them. My son is 1 and he's going to fit in his maxicosi cabriofix for a long time yet so he's staying in it for a long time yet as it's the safest thing for him.

I see so many parents who size up on car seats earlier than necessary despite it not being the safest option and I just don't understand why they do it.

WatchToTheEnd

But this wasn't a tight spot
The OP offered a solution

And it was all caused by the friend.

I'm with you Op. Maybe, if she's been really apologetic about forgetting to get the other seat and had offered to clean any mess up, I might have said yes. But the assumption that she could just use your new seat was totally out of order. I think I would have gone without her tbh! My guess is that she has form for this.

I wouldn't have let her use it, no way! I am funny about old things around newborn and would not let another baby use their matress, pram or Moses basket either. Absolutely no way.

Why don't they have side facing car seats altogether? Then if you are hit from the front or the back, it won't be as severe.

Am I being thick here?

I am funny about old things around newborn

How does one child using the seat one time make it "old"?

@Ohnonotuagain

The instruction manual for our car seat says it's outgrown when their head is within an inch of the top of the seat. I trust the manufacturer far more than a rule of thumb.

I may have solved the disagreement about whether the one year old would fit:

Car seat groups
Group 0 – 0-10kg (0-22lb). From birth to about 6 to 9 months
Group 0+ – 0-13kg (0-29lb). From birth to about 12-15 months

Maybe the issue is that some of us have/had group 0 and some group 0+

@ReaganSomerset - Ok, but my point about parents changing seats too soon still stands. I don't understand why they change prior to the time they're advised to knowing they're changing to a seat that isn't as safe.

If you say so. That's not been my experience though.

Loads do though. They want the baby in a forward facing seat. Don’t know why, but it happens.

@3luckystars it’s because if you’re facing sideways but get hit from the front or back then your head is going to get rattled off either side of the seat. I think (been a while since researching) that although the majority of crashes are rear-enders, because both vehicles are generally travelling in the same direction then the force of the impact is less. If you’re in a head to head impact though then it’s two forces whacking against each other. If you’re hit from the front but you’re rearward facing then your body is pushed back into the seat instead of forwards and out of it (at which point you recoil back and it’s the forward/backwards snap movement that then potentially damages your neck/spinal cord).

@3out it’s not so much where you are hit, it’s the direction of travel at the time. As your car is likely to have been moving forwards when hit it will quickly go from high speed to low speed causing you to be thrown forwards in the direction of motion. In a grown child and adult the seat belt catches you. In a small child the body is not able to cope with his motion and can have significant neck injuries from being thrown forwards. In a rear facing seat a child would be thrown into the seat shell which absorbs the impact and protects much better than just the harness would.

What does PFB mean?

Precious First Born @Christmasfairy07

It implies the difference between ones first child who is fretted over and their every waking second recorded on camera and in the baby book. Compared to say the fifth child who may be taken to A&E by a mother who needed a few minutes to remember their date of birth.....

Sorry, I thought that was what I’d said @Therareotherbooks.