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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

351 replies

bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 21:42

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 01/03/2019 15:51

What if you hadn't had the car seat in the car? You reminded her to get the car seat and she didn't. If I felt as strongly about it as you, I'd have gotten back in the car and left without her.

planespotting · 01/03/2019 16:04

If you had agreed to use her MIL'd seat then she is being a CF not telling you she forgot and "assumed we could use yours"
I think it is fair enough that you want to keep that new for your baby and maybe you could have postponed the trip.
She should have told you and understood.

appointmentsaretheworst · 01/03/2019 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

64sNewName · 01/03/2019 21:44

YABU but I totally, totally get it and am not judging you. I would have been just the same when expecting dc1. It makes me cringe a little now but there you go; we’re none of us rational creatures really.

BuildingBackUp · 01/03/2019 21:53

Yabu and will roll your eyes when you think back to this in a couple of years time.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 01/03/2019 22:10

I think you were being a bit PFB but I do understand wanting to keep your baby's things nice until you can use them yourself, I would probably feel the same tbh so I'm with you on that.

However YWBU to buy her a cheap shitty seat from Argos and expect her to use it, if it was £40 I can guarantee it will NOT be a safe seat. I bet it was forward-facing too? Since you are a FTM2B I imagine you don't know much about group 1+ car seats but I would never put a 1-year-old in a £40 FF seat, just no way. And to all the posters saying a 1yo can't fit in an infant seat, YES THEY CAN. Plenty of smaller children can fit the bucket seats until as old as 2, my 16mo DD still has loads of growing room in her Maxi-Cosi.

Also as PPs have mentioned it's odd to be driving around with the car seat in your car when you still have ages until the baby is due to arrive, if you are involved in even a minor bump you will need to disgard it and buy a new one.

RedTartanLass · 01/03/2019 22:27

I am shocked by the split opinion on here!! Of course you're not being unreasonable OP. All these posters saying it's only things ... would they be ok if someone else drove their brand new car before they'd even got in it, or wore your brand new Jimmy Choo's?? What a CF!!!

Strangest thread ever! :)

BlondeBumshelll · 01/03/2019 22:31

You are fucking bonkers. Not for not wanting to let her child use the car seat, I would have been pissed off too. BUT YOU ACTUALLY WENT AND BOUGHT HER A CAR SEAT??

As my dad would say, she saw you coming!!

Lindsey90 · 01/03/2019 22:39

I think ur being reasonable. Ur friend just assumed that you would let her use the childs seat. Its ur babys stuff and if you dont want the child in it fair enough. And btw no car seat gets to go on the shelfs if it doesnt pass the safety tests. To me £40 is NOT cheap at all. The one for £40 does the same job as one at £100+. You do you @bubblegumbottle im with you 100%

gingerbiscuits · 01/03/2019 22:39

I get where you're coming from - I was so excited with my first- I'd have felt really pissed off at someone else's kid using any of our stuff beforehand. Her choice to not bother getting the carseat from her mum - not your problem!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/03/2019 22:54

@appointmentsaretheworst

I've seen you be a complete dick to people on other threads so I'm going to ignore you now. Not sure why I bothered.

But rich when you’re the one namecalling here.

RedPanda2 · 01/03/2019 22:56

I thought mothers were supposed to support each other? You sound terribly selfish. I hope she never helps you with anything similar when you're in need with your PFB

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 01/03/2019 22:56

Lindsey90 A £40 car seat will have been put through the absolute minimum safety tests (which in the UK are pitifully low). Most are tested to barely 30mph. Generally (though not always) the more expensive seats will have been crash-tested more thoroughly and have additional safety features. The UK is lagging well behind several other counties when it comes to car seat safety unfortunately.

Lindsey90 · 01/03/2019 23:22

Thats complete ballox. So you think manufactures are going to put something so important like a childs car sest through little fucking testing. Yea cause thats the plan to make something that can potentially kill a child and be put into constant law suit one after the other? Seriously. Only thing that causes the seats to fail are lazy parents who cannot be botherd to put it in properly. With my job that is not uncommon! I see it every fucking day. End of the day if she doesnt want to share her childs stuff then she doesnt have to. What if she took the seat out of the car b4 going to her friends house and her friend had no seat. Im sure her friend would have been happy for her to buy the child one.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 01/03/2019 23:36

It's not 'ballox', I suggest you do some research on the subject.

It is proven to be 5 times safer to rear-face a child under the age of 4 so any seat that does not rear-face and is not Swedish Plus tested (for example) is simply not as safe as one that does RF and has been tested to more stringent standards. Sorry but that's just fact. Plenty of things are still available to buy despite safety warnings (cot bumpers, for one).

dontknowwhattodo80 · 01/03/2019 23:56

Then the friend should have thought about that @MonicaGellerHyphenBing . If she wanted to specify which seat her child sat in then she should have arranged the collection of her own seat . It's not for the OP to be guilt tripped into .

Namechangeok · 02/03/2019 00:02

I would have wanted my baby to be first to use the car seat too. A lot of people want everything immaculate for a newborn. Especially your first one. Otherwise why would people bother buying new prams, cots etc?!
You were kind to offer to buy a car seat for your friend and she was really rude how she spoke to you! I wouldn't speak to a friend like that!

PepsiLola · 02/03/2019 00:03

I would have done the same.

I have pictures of my babies in there brand new car seats leaving the hospital, like hell I'd let anyone use them before my kids.

I know it's silly as they can be cleaned, but the person I bought it for should get the first use!

superhappymagicforest · 02/03/2019 00:06

I’m with your friend I’m afraid. Plus those £40 seats have only been tested to 30mph so don’t really ‘do the job’.

MulderitsmeX · 02/03/2019 00:25

I am assuming that the 40 car seat is the joie juva in which case it is extremely highly rated safety wise (pretty sure you cant get the next stage car seat for 40 even the shitty ones but happy to be corrected)

Yanbu, that is for your child not hers and it's peak cf for her to ask. I don't borrow or lend stuff out as theres always a problem.

Btw my 1 year old vomited in my car last week ans there are dried sick lumps stuck in the mechanisms- always beware of worst case scenario!!

julensaor · 02/03/2019 00:41

Whether or not the child fitted into the seat or not, I do understand the nervousness of being a first time mother and keeping everything clean; that will change rapidly if you have a second; but I think you have seriously offended your friend here, whether she says it or not. You are effectively saying her child is too dirty to go near your 'unborn' child's things and whilst I understand your attitude, I think you should explain where you think you are coming from, once more to her.

BertrandRussell · 02/03/2019 00:49

I think the worst thing about this thread is the “shitty £40 car seat” comment. Just ugh.

PregnantSea · 02/03/2019 00:55

I would be a bit peeved too, but I would still just suck it up and do it. It's not that big of a deal.

happymummy12345 · 02/03/2019 01:11

I wouldn't want someone else to use something I'd got for my baby, especially if my baby hasn't used it and wasn't even born yet.
But I also wouldn't expect someone to put their child in a cheap car seat

DoctorDread · 02/03/2019 01:27

And this, reader, is why we can't have nice things....Grin

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