To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

I do think it’s a bit odd driving around with the car seat already installed though. If it’s involved in an accident you’ll need to replace it, would seem silly to run the (small) risk of that happening when it’s never even been used!

Yabu! Although I'd be surprised her child would have fitted in it don't they have age ranges?

I wasn't precious over things like this, had a second hand pram etc I don't u understand people that have to have brand new everything for a baby

I might be bonkers but I'm no push over

Yes, you are. She's got a brand new car sat for free.

Go and get it back and put it in YOUR loft as a spare.

You definitely need to keep the spare seat at yours - in case she forgets hers again. And obviously if you are just going to buy her a new one everytime she 'forgets' an expensive item, I can guarantee she's going to start having frequent memory problems.

It wouldn't have bothered me, but it bothered you and that's ok. It belongs to you and you have a right to say how it's used! It's your friends problem for forgetting the car seat, not yours!

So no I don't think YABU

I agree with you OP, I think you are entitled to be a bit PFB with your first. Rude to assume she could put her child in your brand new seat all ready for your trip home. Yes you probably wouldn’t have minded if the seat had been used by your first child already but so what. There’s no right or wrong.

It’s a bit weird driving around with it already installed in the car because if you did go into premature labour, the baby wouldn’t be able to come home in it for a while anyway. As a PP pointed out, if you have an accident it will also need replacing which will just be utterly wasteful.

I can sort of understand your point although you are being extremely PFB about it but you’re allowed to be, having a baby is a very exciting time. I don’t personally see an issue with the cheap car seat, I’m pretty certain they wouldn’t be allowed to sell them if they weren’t safe. You offered a valid alternative so it’s fair enough and I do think she just couldn’t be bothered collecting the other car seat btw.

We drove round with DC1's seat I stalled from when I was about 30 weeks purely as somewhere to store it. Otherwise it would just be cluttering up the lounge or a bedroom and I'd have inevitably stubbed my toe in it 5 times a day.

I wouldn't share my child's unless they'd finished using it.

Not unreasonable at all. I have 3DC and would be exactly the same.

I couldn't imagine treating a friend or their child in the way you did.

I’m so surprised that so many women agree and sympathise with you. What a ridiculous attitude to have. I don’t blame your friend in the slightest, what a faff and fuss over something so insignificant.

This is utter madness.

@Faster ... A 'shitty £40 car seat' saved my son's life. Cheapest one from Argos and stayed fast asleep when the car went down a ditch and flipped twice into a field. He was hung upside down.
Off topic I know but the cheaper options don't mean they're any less safe than the ones that cost £££s.

I wouldn't have wanted someone else's grimy toddler using something I was looking forward to seeing my own newborn in so I don't think YABU.

It's unlikely this friendship will survive but that could be a blessing in disguise given the way she spoke to you.

It's been a while since I've had a car seat but a £40 Argos car seat would have to fit certain standards wouldn't it? It can't be that shitty or they wouldn't be able to sell it!

I wonder what your friend would have done if you hadn't had the car seat that she assumed you'd have in your car? Been a bit more gracious about your offer to buy one or just not gone?

I’m so surprised that so many women agree and sympathise with you. What a ridiculous attitude to have.

I’m not, people have become so entitled. Pregnancy, baby showers, and wedding days have become sacred and the woman has to be treated with kid gloves. It’s ridiculous.

We just kept the car seat in the baby's room with all the other half built nursery stuff.

I love how a one year old baby turns into a grimy toddler to suit people’s narrative 🤣
& how someone can ‘trash it’ on one journey in the OP’s car.

These threads really are, even after all these years, quite an eye opener into how utterly batshit some people are.

Thankfully, I don’t seem meet people IRL who have such a different outlook on life that putting a baby in a car seat is even remotely an issue. And I am a fully signed up member of the Fussy Pants Club.

I’d have felt the same as you op
First baby, it does make things different

First baby, it does make things different

Only if you choose to be precious about it. Loads of us used second hand for our first babies. It only matters if you decide to make it matter.

I hope you're not expecting any hand me down clothes from anyone in your friendship group!

You're not being precious. It's your seat and anyone who thinks you should be forced to share it is bonkers.

Incredibly "& how someone can ‘trash it’ on one journey in the OP’s car"

Some people have no respect for others, some people let their kids nose run until there is a 2 foot trail, some people would let there kid eat chocolate or some other sticky delight in someone else's car. People have different standards. I know someone who sends their kid to school everyday covered in his breakfast. I would never do that because my standards are different. I'd rather be seen as being up right then let someone ruin my nice things. I lent someone a push chair once, came back all jammed up and fabric stuck whilst closed.

Why does everyone think the Op had issues with hand me downs just because she wants something she bought brand new to stay new for as long as possible? You can shop in charity shops, use hand me downs but still want to keep brand new expensive items nice and clean. How bizarre that you can't enjoy both?