To be angry that someone came to my birth when I didn't want them to?

[Seline]

Had an emergency cesarean under very traumatic circumstances during which I nearly died and so did my twins. The whole night was horrendous. When I woke up from my cesarean, my mother in law was there. I felt hurt and confused and didn't know what was going on.

She didn't stay long but she also had my brother and sister in law (adults not children or teens) in the waiting room. As soon as DH had text her to say "She's been rushed to theatre" she just decided to turn up with them.

Four months later I'm still angry about this. Am I being unfair?

Schuyler that sounds horrible. I'm glad they did that but that was a drawn out scenario rather than something that happened suddenly?

Do you feel like she’s winning at the moment and you don’t want her to?

Yes

Winning at what op? Why is it a competition?
You'll be much happier if you start seeing your mil as a potential ally.

At getting her own way.

What is it she wants to do that's so terrible though?

Being in a power struggle with family is not the best dynamic.
What if you could change that?

It's not anything specific. It's that she wants to get her own way when it comes to my children and my life. I went through hell to have my kids and I didn't do it so someone else can waltz in and play dollies with them.

Charles, depends what you mean by change it. She won't back off.

Basically you want to control her relationship with your children? For it only to be on your terms?

I’m talking more about a mental shift on your part.

She wants to be a grandparent

Only you are in a competition this is about you

Your thinking towards her is skewed though OP. She asked to hold her grandchild, you can't possibly understand WHY she would want to unless you NEEDED her to. Would you judge your own Mum for just wanting to cuddle the babies or would you assume she too is infringing on your motherhood and doing it to spite you?
It's easier to be mad at her than DH or DM for not telling her no because she meansess to you but you're enabling yourself to let this take over

charles that would just give her what she wants.

Not exactly control. But I should be the one in charge here not her.

My own mum wouldn't see me happily holding a baby and ask to take the baby off me. She just wouldn't.

In charge of what though?
As you said upthread your children are human beings and bar abusive people, deserve a relationship with wider family.
My grandmother was such an important part of my life. Please don't deprive your children of that due to misplaced anger.

She only asked for a cuddle of her grandchild. You're acting as if she's a mass murder

You can say no.

I find it odder that your Mum only holds the baby when you need her to, that as a Grandmother you can't comprehend her wanting to do it just for fun.

I don't want them having unsupervised access around someone I think is unfit.

@SleepingStandingUp I suspect ops mum is too scared to ask for a cuddle 'just because'

Of course my mum picks the babies up now, but she waited and she'd never see me with one and take the child off of me or ask to. It's intrusive.

My mum is not scared of me. She shares my views on people overstepping boundaries and is also quite private.

You are in charge

Can I hold the baby Seline?
Not yet MIL, I've only just picked her up myself.

It's only an issue when you use your in charge to stop her having a relationship with her so refusing to ever let her hold them or letting her have a tokenistoc cuddle as she goes to leave but keeping them away from her for the rest of the visit.

If she offered to help like your Mum did you'd still complain she's being a cow

It's normal not to want to leave small babies with anyone. My own son wasn't left until he was older. Why is she unfit and why does it have to be unsupervised? MIL and DM were active parts of DS life from the get go, I would send photographs everyday and they would visit regularly or we would go to MILs for a much needed home cooked dinner.
You're making your life harder than it needs to be.

Who is currently looking after your new twins and toddler while you've been on here constantly?

I wouldn't if she'd done that from the beginning. My mum has found it annoying too. My mum even bought us loads of baby stuff (I didn't expect her to) and finds it upsetting that her and my dad are the only side who do that. She herself feels MIL is selfish.