Death announcements in the paper - who was BU?

[GraceMarks]

Sorry for a slightly morbid topic, but I recently had an experience where the mother of a friend of mine died unexpectedly and she and her sisters had to suddenly sort out all the various arrangements for the funeral and notifying banks, utility providers, etc etc. It was a very stressful time with an awful lot to think about.

A couple of weeks later, I was talking to my own mum and she happened to mention that she had been "looking out for the death announcement" in the local paper, but hadn't seen one and wondered if my friend knew that this was something that people are supposed to do. I asked my mum why she actually needed to see a death announcement at all, given that she already knew that my friend's mother had died, and surely anyone who is particularly interested or who knows the person who has died would have found out through friends, family etc. She got a bit huffy then and muttered something about tradition and etiquette. She seemed to be implying that my friend had made a kind of faux-pas by not announcing her mum's death, on top of all the other things she had to sort out.

Is this really something people still do, or is my mum being hopelessly old-fashioned? Just wondering what the norm is where other people come from!

What do you find distasteful? Having a ham?

I'm glad someone else has mentioned Liverpool - my home town and yes, the obit page in the newspaper is a very well-used section!

I often search online for obits when someone has died because they often give funeral details about flowers/donations/venue etc.

But yes, still entirely normal to put a notice in the paper IMO.

It’s still very much the done thing in Liverpool area both into the echo and more local papers. Thinking about it though the Irish influences probably impact that

I was touched by who showed up to my grandparents funeral based on the funeral notice, despite them moving from their “home” town twenty years before they died.

Also in Ireland, funeral director does
a) newspaper of your choice (we did one local, one national)
b) local radio
C) rip.ie

We didn't have to do anything at all, though obviously it's not free. But funerals in Ireland are open to literally every one who ever met the person so it's the only way to get the news out.

Rip.ie is bloody handy. If you're due to meet an acquaintance but haven't seen them in a couple of years and you can't quite remember whether their poorly mother is dead or not, you can do a search and you won't embarrass yourself by asking "And how is your mam?"

LaurieMarlow yes. I accept it's not terribly rational, but I just don't like the idea of having a big lump of dead flesh on the table at a funeral tea, especially a ham. It was the tradition in these parts for a long time, and it's still what people of my parents' generation would expect, so I'm aware this is just a silly quirk of mine.

I think a lot of older people do check the deaths notices in their local paper (we get a couple of free ones).

Our paper charges a small fortune for death announcements.

I think it's a rather old fashioned thing to do, but each to their own. Personally, I haven't bought (so, not read!) my local paper for years so wouldn't see it as an omission. Don't most people announce such things via email/text/social media these days?

Rip.ie is bloody handy.

It’s amazing.

And the older types, who you’d expect to struggle with the online aspect, love it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It is tradition to have an announcement in the paper but for me there are some people who I would not know have died if there isn't a paper announcement done. There will be people not in regular contact who would want or need to know if someone has died and this is the only way they would find out.

Definitely a bit old fashioned. My family is ex-forces and used to do it in the days before social media. My working class born and bred DH found it truly bizarre our engagement was announced in The Telegraph and Times at my dad's insistence. I put my foot down with birth announcements for our two dcs because my husband found it so embarrassing.

If no one put funeral notices in the local paper, my MIL would have nothing to talk about

It's interesting how things have changed: in Adrian Mole the 'hatches matches and dispatches' bit of the Leicester Mercury is made famous, and he even writes his own poem for publication when someone (?Bert?) dies. I can remember reading the section avidly at about 13, reading the poems out loud if they were particularly touching. Perhaps that doesn't happen any more. Feel a bit sad!

Rip.ieis bloody handy.

It’s amazing.

And the older types, who you’d expect to struggle with the online aspect, love it.

My dps mam loves it, checks it every day just in case. To be fair it is handy to check waking times etc. A lot of younger people I know follow it on Facebook too.

In the local county paper, you still see anniversary reminders

I remember someone I hadn't met in 20 years sent a Mass card and in it was "Sorry to hear about your Mam - my mother heard about it from rip.ie, she checks it like twice a day"

It really made me laugh during a shitty time.

I know an elderly lady who's just died and her family aren't going to put it in the paper which surprised most people. There's will always be someone who didn't know who would have maybe have liked to be informed.
Saying that when my dad died we put it in the paper and 5 years later someone asked us how he was!

N England here. My parents were very “correct” so all births deaths and marriages were announced in the Times, the Telegraph and the local paper. I doubt I will continue the tradition (or rather, I doubt my kids will continue the tradition for me!).

The funeral director asked if I wanted to for DM, I did because she read the local paper every week when she was alive , she didn’t use the internet and it did seem the right thing to do for her as a few people did mention the notice in the paper. I think it is probably one of those things that will die out with time. I remember being shocked at the cost though but can’t remember exactly how much it was but it was fairly expensive

We put it in the local paper when my Mum died. My brother's ex girlfriend saw it and sent him a message to send condolences.
That was 25 years ago though.

DM did it for my elderly DF as he was a) involved in a lot of civic stuff locally and b) a stickler for tradition. Many of the people who came to the funeral were pushing 80 and unlikely to be on SM.

When my Mum died, my dad put an announcement in the paper. The mother of an old friend of mine that I had lost touch with saw it and they both came to the funeral. It meant such a lot and we've since reconnected and become close again. So that's one reason to put it in I suppose!

I put an obit in The Telegraph as my mum used to read it (and had an interesting life prior to me, by all accounts). I had several lovely responses from a few people who had emigrated and only knew because they had seen it in there. One even sent copies of photographs and a lovely letter about her memories of my mum.

Local newspaper announcements are still very much a thing round our way. We have a free local paper and I definitely do read it. My elderly neighbour died and I found it useful having her details there, as it saved me asking her distraught dd for the funeral timings again. (I had been told but had forgotten before I could write it down )

The part I find more bizarre is the birthday girl or boy announcements, "This Little Treasure Is 16" and a photo of a garishly dressed toddler. I keep thinking how mortified the teenager must be!

I think it is fairly old fashioned, and I haven't seen out local paper in years as we no longer get one !
But at work we use the one local to there to delete records and reminders.