To think most people are unhappily married?

[Seline]

Something I've been thinking of. How widely accepted men's jokes about a weekend with the lads/night out etc to get away from "the misses", how people describe marriage as a ball and chain, jokes like "single women are skinny because they see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married women see what's in the bed and go to the fridge,".

I've never understood why you'd marry someone you don't enjoy spending time with and I've started to think most people perhaps don't actually like their husbands or wives...

I think there are a number of people who are unhappy within themselves and their life and that leaches out through relationships/friendships as they try their best to make others unhappy. I also think there are a number of couples who should never have stayed together but neither one will up sticks for whatever reason.

And then there are the rest of us. Just doing what needs to be done quite happily (well most of the time).

TBH I couldn't care less about jokes or other peoples marriages apart from my best friends'. Saying that I wouldn't dream of commenting to anyone about them.

Some people would think my marriage is boring, and it probably is, but it is the way I like it and so does my husband, each to their own.

There's a huge difference between self deprecating humour or affectionately taking the piss and being downright insulting.

I will take the piss out of my DH and vice versa but we'd never insult each other or speak negatively about each other to other people - bar a little moan about mild irritations.

'banter' just seems like an excuse to be insulting (and usually misogynistic) under guise of humour.

@Carriecakes80 thank you for the banana messaging inspiration - I bring my DH a banana to his office every day (same employer and we have a fruit honest box downstairs so I get him one when I get mine, I'm not some mad banana-pushing wife), so I think I'll start doing this!

Lou12124

In the modern world marriage is all about compatibility..it's no more a woman's final dream of having a security for life or a Man's success to anytime Sex at will. Compatibility however isn't a ipill to swallow after unprotected sex or a lesson to be learnt in a management school. It's bred in the man and womans platform of upbringing and the playground they shared.most times its found that when the boy and the girl have grown together in school days they set a much better compatibility quotient. However thats again not universal. Compatibility is built in relations...it's fed ,nurtured..it's in bed and out of it. MARRIAGE and commitment are tough pills to swallow if commitment means Don't Dare Look out of the window or feel a pang of pleasure on a post menstrual first day or an adrenalin push to the scrotum...these words I use in euphemism is becos society views Marraige as a licence to sex only.. hence Suhag raat or honeymoon succeeds the wedding day.. why not a counselling day or a walk down the lane is Menu for the subsequent day to the wedding. That's what ails compatibility ...thats what breeds unhappy marriage. Unhappy marriages are a product of societal and demographic limits set within our minds. It's not easy to walk in and out of marriages but it's also untrue that one must stick onto muck..all callouts of unhappy marriages need not be a man on woman oppression tale ..the other maybe true also..however law and societal viewpoint has no provision for same..Marriages are unhappy for people who Wish to claim an identity, a reason for themselves to live on, people who are independent in mind and those who say We are borne for a cause to the world...and not end at being a good husband, good wife and able parents...wish we all lived our lives at least

What a pile of shite .
No I don’t think “most” people are unhappily married .
They’re jokes,poor ones but jokes none the less.
My dh has never said any of those things and doesn’t have “lads” nights away . We love spending time together as I’m sure 1000’s of other married couples do

I am. And you know it doesn’t start like that. Just like with any relationship things start unraveling when other people’s opinions become relevant or influencers judging with in your union. Also when what I think what happens most of the time like me, marrying too young and a growth in one and not the other or growing into separate directions instead of together. Some people just get married for the wrong reasons and are not honest with themselves. Which if being married was really understood then a man would understand all of his position as well a woman. For instance. If a man does what he supposed to do, which is be the leader provider and treat his wife with the same respect and love as he would himself but also let her make him better ,support her in being supportive and helpful and maintaining happiness ,and let her take care of the home, the big issues would not be so hard. People go astray when those needs aren’t met or start wishing and lusting because no one wants to be unhappy. That’s what leads to emotional or physical cheating. Or divorce which is the easiest way to be done with the non cooperation.

Married at 20, just celebrated our 55th wedding anniversary, worked for us, count my blessings.