That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

Just out of interest when he says you should be eating tinned meals what are you having? Is it something like this? www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/canned-tinned-packaged-hot-meat-meals/sainsburys-beef-casserole-400g

I’d be amazed if many people at your level of income were having meals out of a tin on a regular basis. Fresh meat, veg and fruit would be much more typical, particularly for the toddler. There is no way I’d be feeding a little one exclusively on tinned stuff and pesto pasta for 4 days until your next shop. Some people don’t get a choice but you totally do.

Mental. I spend £40 going in for bread and milk! Honestly, I spent over £100 (having bought wine/vodka) at the weekend. Barely any food.

He can fuck of with his carbon footprint bollocks, that’s a stupid so-called ethical argument to manipulate you , not a valid reason (IMO, I think he’s just trying anything to control you).

but your just living the life of someone who is utterly miserable not by choice who has acutally this little to spend on food!what a horrible existence.with no need for it.how lucky lucky you are and he is pissing on how lucky you are.

Well I guess that’s how you paid off your mortgage. So your putting away 3k or more or month for a holiday home? Spend your money on what you want.

£40 a week is less than half what a family your size on a debt management plan would be allowed to spend on a grocery shop, ie someone with insufficient money to pay their bills and needing to live very frugally, ie not someone with an unimaginably massive disposable income.

Does he come up with the meal plan to eek out such a miserly budget?

A full clean of the house every Saturday 😯😯.

Wow!!

Anyway sounds totally miserable OP and yes... being prudent and careful is one thing but this is miserly.

Why would you send him the shopping list to check it? Check it for what? You are a grown woman, buy whatever you like!

nitpick

That's hilarious, spot on too I know many people like this!!

Sitting in large houses utterly miserable

How on earth can you bear to be with him OP ? What a miserable existence .

What a load of actual bullshit. It is so unbelievably insensitive to post this crap - people are struggling left right and fucking centre to pay their essential bills. You KNOW your dp is a miserly miserable mean tight bastard. Why are you posting.
Bugger off with your £50k cash income and feck all living costs.

Women of Mumsnet who read this crap and are aghast while finding things a bit tight - you are normal. This is not normal. This is fucking ridiculous.

No I haven't read the whole thread, just in a bad mood and sick of this crap.

'i really need some different perspective.'
No you don't.

Re: cleaner. Point out to your husband that your hourly wages are more than a cleaner, so given your time is more valuable than what you'd need to pay a cleaner, it's nonsense doing the cleaning yourself.

We earn that but have a mortgage, a cleaner and spend £200 a week on food (including take away) AND save. He seems very controlling

That's a mighty large Sainsburys basics chip you have on your shoulder, there, president. And a supreme lack of emotional intelligence, given that OP's post is about the hissy fit her dh had when she dared to step outside of his budget.

No chips on my shoulder.

Another post from a privileged op asking a question they already know the answer to.

He's a controlling prick. I wouldn't stay in this marriage if he didn't change.

There's nothing wrong with a mid week supermarket trip or buying the odd lunch at work. It's normal. And likely to happen when you live off £40 a week. I feel sorry for your child growing up eating tinned food for no reason.

Threads like these always make me feel so relieved that I live on my own and no longer have to put up with stuff like this.

He is a tight fisted, controlling hypocrite - carbon footprint my arse!!

Actually I think President has got a point here.
Op you really must know the answer
You obviously can afford the chicken, and indeed many other things.
I can see why your post was a wind up to those who are really struggling.
In answer to your original question
Yes, your husband is a complete areshole and you really need to have a bloody good look at your life and marriage

What a load of actual bullshit. It is so unbelievably insensitive to post this crap - people are struggling left right and fucking centre to pay their essential bills. You KNOW your dp is a miserly miserable mean tight bastard

LOVE this post president - bravo 🙌🏻

It always surprises me that people as apparently dense and unaware as the op manage to pull in these large salaries in the first place tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

Omg! I’m flummoxed! What is the point?? Is he planning to leave with all the money or something?? What a misery! Has he always been like this?

Please OP save your sanity and get a bloody cleaner. Otherwise you will look back and resent the tight git.

It always surprises me that people as apparently dense and unaware as the op manage to pull in these large salaries in the first place tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

YES this and several threads lately have made me think, who is hiring these -dullards- people. They must have great instagrams or the like because that could be the only way they are hired at the moment.

Cop on OP with all that available cash per month and an argument you have over buying chicken; just subsist on cereal, save all that cash and bury it with you both when you die, problem solved.

Your dh doesn't seem to care about feeding his child a healthy, nutritious diet. That's neglectful in the extreme when there are no money worries. And I say that as a single mum on low wages who makes it a priority to feed my child well. I can't imagine any decent parent who wouldn't want to do that, if they can afford to do so. Hell, you read about skint parents going hungry to make sure their children eat well.

He thinks sausages and tinned meals are an acceptable diet for a young, growing child. What sort of future is he imagining and saving up for for his child if he is neglecting said child's health in the present? What future could be worth making such a huge sacrifice for?

I don't know whether what you have written here is true, but I am disgusted at him, and at you for putting up with his shit. Stand up for yourself and your child and say no, I won't be eating rubbish unhealthy food from now on, and neither will my child.

Stop being such a doormat! Why does he get to set the family budget? Full marks to him for being frugal mean tightfisted git but you can easily be saving for the future without depriving your family in the present. Tell him the family food budget is at least doubled with immediate effect, and if you want to pick up some groceries during the week you will, you don't need permission.

You do an online shop and send it to him to check? Omg, I just can't believe this. You are a responsible adult yet he has to check your shopping list? My oh is not the slightest bit interested in what I buy; as long as there is something to eat he is happy. I couldn't live with someone intent on controlling something so fundamental yet essentially unimportant. And £40 is a tiny budget.