That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

Now we are divorced he doesn't have food in his house. We're on ok terms despite the history foe the kids' sake.

If I got round there he has nothing much in and I have to say "you can afford food exh" - he earns 4 x what I do!

Oakenbeach is right, you would have a much better lifestyle on your own!

OP, this sounds like financial abuse. Are you happy?

The OP hardly needs to answer that does she?!

In fact, he made me pay a "fine" of £20 into the joint account last night, for the £6 chicken.

I was going to say he's a cunt BEFORE I read this gem.
If he wants to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, and he wants to cut down on meat (nothing wrong with either in principle), then he can fucking cook sometimes.

As for the cleaner, again, if he won't get one then HE can clean the skid marks, scrub the bathroom, vacuum and mop and do the laundry.

Oakenbeach is right, you would have a much better lifestyle on your own!

Not only would you be able to buy fresh organic chicken every night, you would actually have a chance to be happy!

Your husband sounds like a real bore and quite frankly controlling! Buy the goddam chicken out of your wages and tell him to shove it!

@BarbaraofSevillle

Doesn’t your story kind of prove that a thread escalating can be positive?

My OH just found out that I was in a ridiculous amount of debt, has got a loan out to clear 90% of it and STILL wouldn't try to control what I spend on anything, let alone a family meal.
This sounds like a horrible man.

Paying a fine for buying chicken is very controlling behaviour .
I imagine there is also more going on besides this that you probably are not / do not want to talk about on here .

I have been in a controlling and abusive relationship myself . Best thing you can do is get out

What would happen if you didn't pay the fine? This sounds like a really awful way to live and I hope that the reactions on this thread help you to dee how far from normal this is.

I forgot to ask, is this fining thing new, or something you ae used to?

I gave the husband the benefit of the doubt early in the thread but really, a fine?!!! That is not normal or right OP.

Babes I ain't mincing my words..it's FINANCIAL abuse and you will be mentally worn down and not live YOUR life but live how he wants you to live and start to control your life..Seriously get ducks in order secretly whether you stay/leave...my mom always said if you have 100 tell a man you only have 50..that way when he gets up n goes you always got backup for you n kids...being the main carer for my children and giving up a brill job to be a sahm was worse idea ever. .esp when he got control and he had to pay for things I normally would..I would have a penny and still share..he would have 50 quid and say he is broke just so he has money in his pocket and I had to beg on a daily and get called names or money grabber. .cause life with kids are free I forgot.....it was humiliating to say the least and I promised myself it would never happen again..of course it did...took a long time and lots of help but I got rid and better off now..good luck x

Why not buy a whole chicken for under £10 and make it last 2 meals?! Even better value. Tight is the word that comes to mind. I understand not wasting food but still.

And a fine..a 20 pound fine....wtfh...sister that is abuse full stop..seriously..surprised he never put you on naughty step..he really needs help and I'd be wary about confronting him

How does he make you pay a fine OP? What would happen if you didn't?

Oh op, you honestly sound like you’re being financially abused by this man. Can you see it?? It’s not normal to make your spouse pay a fine (loan shark rates at that!) for food for the household. It’s your money too, right? Do you have an account of your own? I think you should get your salary moved into a private’s account so that he can’t wield his control over you. And you might well need to LTB. I’m so sorry.

Is his name Scrooge by any chance? Why is he so mean? Did he have a very poor childhood and has a block about spending money? Why does he want a holiday home abroad, sound as if he wont enjoy it and neither will you having to watch the pennies or whatever currency, when supposed to be relaxing. Not for me afraid, would need to have a bit more leeway on spending. Sorry but if I was earning think I would be entitled to spend it. About the protein, yes we do seem to eat too much protein in this country but chicken is not going to clog arteries, raise cholesterol. He must have an obsessive nature.

You can definitely afford chicken and the fine is rediculous- I would have laughed in his face.

Tell him he can cook the meals for the rest of the week!

hungryfordinner He's a miserable skinflint and 'kicking off big time' is absolutely unreasonable. If you were seriously in debt and really struggling it still would not be reasonable to get angry at you like that. A couple should be able to discuss things in a supportive and civilised way.

Why is he in charge of the food budget? Obviously you can afford the chicken! And £40 a week for food and nappies for three is a really tight budget. Yes, it's possible, but week in week out you deserve and need the odd break from time to time. I am a very broke veggie but even I get fed up with lentils. I think you work very hard and deserve to spend some of your income on your life now to make it more comfortable. I have serious doubts about this man's priorities. Is the holiday house a mansion? Is he getting it to show off? He wants that but isn't bothered about the hardship he is placing n his wife now, while she is young and raising a small child.
What is your Husband's problem? Is he a controlling miser or does he control you in other ways? I was married to the meanest man in Britain and it drove me into deep depression. Start taking charge. This "saving for the future" is fine particularly for offspring's education, but doing it so you live in misery now, while you are young and should be enjoying life, is absolutely wrong. Yes, you deserve help with cleaning/ a Cleaner.
Tell him if he doesn't start behaving reasonably and treat you with respect he will be in for a very expensive divorce. Wishing you the best of luck!

You've married a controlling miser. You are wealthy but living on a pauper's budget. Not eating meat for ethical reasons I totally get but that's clearly NOT his problem.

Did he grow up poor? Sometimes it's really hard to get rid of ingrained habits with money.

I think you should be spending MORE on food to get the very best quality. Buying meat and milk from somewhere ethical like Daylesford and you can afford to support organic produce growers and buy biodegradable nappies. Buying cheap meat is a disgrace if you can afford not to.

And frankly having a cleaner is the single best use of extra money I can think of in terms of quality of life. We can't afford one right now but I'll be paying one as soon as I can.

If you refused to pay the £20 fine what would happen?

This isn't okay OP.

Wow that is an incredible story. You need to sit down and talk and get your voice back if you are going to have a happy life together. I am worried for you this behaviour will creep into every aspect of your life and you will be miserable very soon. So sad you should be having the time of your lives with all that money. It is true what they say money does not bring you happiness.

What a tight wad. It's not like the fridge and cupboards were overflowing.

Carbon foot print my arse. Will he be worried about that when he's flitting between his two houses?