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To be glad this apparent new trend of being a martyr has passed me by?
295

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 06:41

I genuinely don’t know if this is a new thing or I just managed to avoid it but lately I’ve heard, read, etc from so many people who are not allowed any sort of life at all because they have a child.
For example
the woman who doesn’t colour her hair because her natural hair colour is the same as her daughter’s and her daughter might think there’s something wrong with x colour hair

The woman who will never drink orange juice as her son loves it and she wants to make sure that every time he fancies a glass, it’s there

The woman who will not attend a child free family event as it’s mkre important her children know she is always there for them

People who insist that they can’t have, for example, a bar of chocolate when their child isn’t there unless they buy them a bigger bar

All the people who claim they cannot drink a coffee or go for a wee because their child won’t let them

Admittedly my children are older teens/young adults now but I am sure that my entire life didn’t end because they were born. I’m sure I was still a person as well.
When did that become a bad thing?

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Quintella · 27/02/2019 16:13

I bring a flannel to the park and dip it in the puddles. That way I can wipe myself down and supervise them on the slides at the same time.

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MrsKoala · 27/02/2019 16:16

I had terrible migraines during pregnancy and went blind in one eye with pain for 12 weeks. I remember mentioning to my sister that I had to leave the kids with a friend to go for hospital tests and she snapped that I was a mother now and should 'just suck it up'. It was hilariously ridiculous. The idea i could have something potentially wrong with me and would ignore it and soldier on as now I had kids my pain didn't matter.

She also ran up 20k of store credit cards because it's cruel not to dress your kids in designer clothes. Grin

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GreenWingers · 27/02/2019 16:18

Tennesseewhisky
I did ask her about this. The "bedtime routine" tended to last from 9-930 and she was leaving quite a lot of time incase she got caught in traffic.

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MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2019 16:19

arf at Quintella's flannel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grin

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CheshireChat · 27/02/2019 16:23

I used to do the fruit/OJ thing when as we were really, really broke so obviously prioritised DS, it's not the situation now, but it's taken me ages to get out of the mindset and to become bloody anaemic before I acknowledged I was being stupid as we can afford another punnet of fruit.

And I dislike the first come, first served thing- surely you don't just think of yourself and save some for the other people in the house. Particularly as it encourages kids to be greedy and eat everything in one sitting as opposed to when it suits them.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2019 16:25

I don't understand it either, OP.

I've seen most of those points posted here. Nobody calls 'martyr' though. I just raise an eyebrow and think 'Whatever'. I don't actually believe most of what's posted.

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AlbertWinestein · 27/02/2019 16:35

I have a Mummy Martyr friend and all that’s happened is she is utterly, deeply miserable now her kids are teens, regardless the amount of times she’s #MakingMummyMemories on Insta. Her kids are so rude to her, it’s incredible and I worry that, one day, she is going to snap and it’s going be very ugly indeed.

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Tennesseewhiskey · 27/02/2019 16:36

GreenWingers surely the 18 year old had some form of additional needs. No 18 year old has a 9.30pm bedtime, surely?

Is saying that I cant imagine an 18 year old expecting his mum to put him to bed either Grin

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MaiaRindell · 27/02/2019 16:37

People like this definitely exist.
Friend: I only wear neutrals now in case it scares her

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PrtScn · 27/02/2019 16:40

hmm never heard these ones apart from sometimes I really need a wee but LO hasn’t slept all at all and is asleep on me.

I don't know how old your LO is, but mine is nearly 5 months and when I'm desparate I can wee holding him with one arm, then using the other arm for everything else Grin

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thecatinthetwat · 27/02/2019 16:46

Putting the 18 yo to bed is a classic excuse to leave the party situation, surely?

She said it, forgot she'd already said that the 6 yo was away, panicked, and came up with the 18 yo to bed thing. She must have been Blush all the way home Grin

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PeppermintCactus · 27/02/2019 16:50

I prefer to wait until DH is home to shower, but that's because it's so much more relaxing when I don't have to rush. I will leave them alone so I can do things like sort washing though, where I don't really mind being interrupted!

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GreenWingers · 27/02/2019 16:51

I ended up knowing the family quite well and can say that I'm FAIRLY certain there weren't additional needs, just that the mother had encouraged a rather dysfunctional dependency since he was tiny. So he was very immature for his age (and still is, aged 34 and still with his parents) but SN were never mentioned by her or her husband, who resented the situation massively.

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Springwalk · 27/02/2019 16:51

I do everything on your list. And more.
Am I destined for the naughty step? Can that the step be considered ‘me time’ heaven forbid, 5 whole minutes to myself! Or depriving said child of the naughty step possibly? So maybe you can suggest an alternative?

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WinnieFosterTether · 27/02/2019 16:57

This thread has cheered me up. I have martyr-tendencies but have never done any of these things. I'm obviously less of a martyr than I thought. nips out to buy giant chocolate bar for sole consumption to celebrate

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Springwalk · 27/02/2019 17:04

I actually traumatised my little darlings with my efforts to hold onto my desperately needed pee, so that they could leisurely use the facility, only to learn my pelvic floor can not cope with mummy martyr moments and gave way unceremoniously in Dubai airport whilst I was white jeans.

My children went on to broadcast this episode at high volume for the next hour, as I hid in my shame with dss jacket tied around my waist.
Does that count op?
I do hope so Wink

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ReanimatedSGB · 27/02/2019 17:05

I've seen a few posts on here and elsewhere from martyr types. They are usually the sort of people who were attention-seeking whinyarses before they had any DC - often the ones who do a fuckton of unnecessary extra work and have to tell you all about it and then strop if they don't get a fuckton of praise. Or they come to a party at someone else's house and spend half the night tidying up used cups and plates or bring far more food than they were asked to, and bore on about that, too...

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Purplecatshopaholic · 27/02/2019 17:16

My sister has two kids - my wonderful niece and nephew. She has mentioned this 'mummy competition' type thing a few times. She doesnt pander to it though and her kids she wouldnt. I compare that to a friend who has a son who is called Prince in front of him (as in he is my Prince, blah, blah) - he is a brat

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youarenotkiddingme · 27/02/2019 17:29

This morning on the way home from ds swim training I ran into local newsagents and bought ds a Ribena bottle and packet of Oreos. He had a big maths exam this afternoon and due to secondary school breaktimes and he'd trained I wanted him to have an extra for lunch and something nice before his exam.

Another day I may buy myself something to take to work because I know it's going to be a tough day (meeting or something).

Neither ds not I feel we've gained more than others of missed out. You can raise kids to know everyone has different needs on different days and no ones feelings, wants or needs trump another's.

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youarenotkiddingme · 27/02/2019 17:34

Sally that is similar to one of the families I know. The one with kids who can no longer attend school because they can't cope with boundaries.
This parent would get up and adjust the duvet for one child at all hours of the night - every night. Will drop kids out with friends and then won't visit others for a coffee or something because she needs to wait for them to text her when they need picking up, more money, lift to next place.

I find it heartbreaking watching people erode themselves a little more daily into a nothing.

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notanothernam · 27/02/2019 18:03

@youarenotkiddingme it's really sad, and the irony is these are the kids that are usually the most ignorant and ungrateful due to the way they've been brought up, a parent isn't respecting themselves when they treat a child like that and so a child won't respect them. I've said it so many times here but it's been identified as a real issue within the millennial generation and no doubt later ones (I say that as a millennial!)

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The80sweregreat · 27/02/2019 18:12

There was a parenting type programme on tv once where one family had a teenage son and he had his own mini fridge for his bedroom. Mum filled it up with drinks and snacks and he would text her from his room to bring up more supplies. My mouth was on the floor! We all parent differently and my ds2 was hard work at times , but this was a whole new level. He thought it was funny.
I knew someone who bought 3 play stations so they didn't ever have to share just the one. She was a bit of a martyr for her over indulged children! I bet they are all now entitled adults.

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MitziK · 27/02/2019 18:30

A date told me in all seriousness that once a woman gives birth, she is not allowed to leave the house after dark, because she would become a prostitute.Hence the term Lady of the Night. I was too busy planning my escape to ask if he really was that stupid or trying to get a reaction out of me.

Another Mum said that she put her kids to bed at 6pm and stayed up until midnight because they might get up. Then she set her alarm for 4.30am in case they woke up early (of course they did, she put them to bed at 6), because it would be 'bad' for them to wake up at their usual 5.20am and find out that she was asleep. I might have been slightly more impressed with her noble self sacrifice had she not regularly cracked open her first can of lager at 11am every day whilst the baby was plonked on the sofa with a bottle on a pillow.

I feel a bit hard done by when I end up doing all the cleaning before the place descends into a midden. But I want the place properly clean more than I want to force/nag DP to do better with his efforts. and if I had the offer of a trip down the pub after work instead I'd take it

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YouBumder · 27/02/2019 18:59

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it

What do you imagine single parents do? Confused

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Strokethefurrywall · 27/02/2019 19:06

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it

Jesus Christ. I fucking hope you're joking...

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