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To be glad this apparent new trend of being a martyr has passed me by?
295

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 06:41

I genuinely don’t know if this is a new thing or I just managed to avoid it but lately I’ve heard, read, etc from so many people who are not allowed any sort of life at all because they have a child.
For example
the woman who doesn’t colour her hair because her natural hair colour is the same as her daughter’s and her daughter might think there’s something wrong with x colour hair

The woman who will never drink orange juice as her son loves it and she wants to make sure that every time he fancies a glass, it’s there

The woman who will not attend a child free family event as it’s mkre important her children know she is always there for them

People who insist that they can’t have, for example, a bar of chocolate when their child isn’t there unless they buy them a bigger bar

All the people who claim they cannot drink a coffee or go for a wee because their child won’t let them

Admittedly my children are older teens/young adults now but I am sure that my entire life didn’t end because they were born. I’m sure I was still a person as well.
When did that become a bad thing?

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NataliaOsipova · 01/03/2019 22:17

Also met a woman in a cafe who ordered herself nothing because it was her 4yo DD's experience not hers shock I thought she was joking but no, really, she had promised her daughter a cake and hot chocolate in a cafe and didn't want to upset her or ruin her day by also ordering herself something!!!!

That’s bizarre.... and I say that having basically done the opposite myself yesterday (promised DD a trip to an ice cream place as a long awaited treat and ordered and ate half of one myself I could have done without, because half the fun is choosing/tasting each other’s favourite etc). Those kind of food based outings are fun for being a shared experience, surely?

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Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 01/03/2019 18:19

Get her sister,lol!!
And I totally feel ya OP.I have a 19,16 and 14 year old. You couldn't pay me a billion dollars to have little ones in our stupid society these days!

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youarenotkiddingme · 01/03/2019 17:09

Its not nasty thread. People are not reading or understanding the extremes the OP is discussing.

If you've met such people you'll know what she's referring to.

It's parents who don't allow themselves to have a sense of independence or identity or any self worth "for the children".

Seriously. These people do exist.
I remember one I know we took kids bowling, then MacDonalds and then home for pjs and film whilst we had Chinese take out. Kids were told do not disturb. One of hers kept coming up for mouthfuls if food. Was told no but got it anyway. Then I need up being given her mums dinner because she wanted it. She'd had a meal and was also eating sweets.

The child is now a mess and has fallen out of secondary schools left right and centre because they don't allow pushing the boundaries all the time to get what you want. Friend is also a mess and in financial dire straights because she won't tell them no or deny them anything.

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AhFeck · 01/03/2019 17:05

I've met many of these. Worst one was a family friend who would leave at 4pm to get home in time to do the routine of tea, bath, bed. (At 7.30). She literally had an alarm set on her phone so she was never missed a second of the routine because 'a structured environment helps children develop' Hmm i have no idea if she still does it, nobody has seen her in years because she is a huge fucking bore

Also met a woman in a cafe who ordered herself nothing because it was her 4yo DD's experience not hers Shock I thought she was joking but no, really, she had promised her daughter a cake and hot chocolate in a cafe and didn't want to upset her or ruin her day by also ordering herself something!!!!

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Pernickity1 · 01/03/2019 17:05

I like spending time with them. I actually do think some people prefer spending more time with their children than others

I agree with this. Always baffles me when people don’t ever want to be without their children/want to bring them everywhere - I LOVE time without my children! Often fantasize about being the queen and having the nanny bring them to me as and when I fancy 😂

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Goldenbear · 01/03/2019 15:57

Plus all this 'mummy martyr' sexist crap.

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Goldenbear · 01/03/2019 15:54

How's it 'pretentious' I don't think parents that do this are doing it to 'impress', if you don't want to hear it when out and about stop being so nosey and get on with your own life. I'm surprised there's so much free time to notice what others are doing if you're so busy looking after number 1!

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Goldenbear · 01/03/2019 15:43

I would've thought some of these ideas are what some constitute as being a 'good' parent. I wouldn't eat biscuits and pudding that my children liked and not let them join in as if feel like I'm demonstrating 'greediness', behind their back is a different matter.

I work part time but do alot of work from home and wanted this job for that flexibility bto spend with my children. I like spending time with them. I actually do think some people prefer spending more time with their children than others, it's not a boastful thing.

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Tennesseewhiskey · 01/03/2019 15:04

DH tells me I should just not listen to the radio

What was his reasoning?

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TrickyKid · 01/03/2019 14:36

I think you just mix with odd people. I don't know anyone like this.

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pavlovarules · 01/03/2019 14:34

My DH tries to martyr me. I have the radio on in the mornings because I like the background noise, news etc and the 8am news is my signal that kids should by now be brushing teeth/getting dressed ready to leave in time for school. The kids have realised this and now wait for the 8am news before heading upstairs instead of just going when they've finished breakfast. DH tells me I should just not listen to the radio. So, I am to go without something that I enjoy to avoid me having to shout at DC to get moving. Told him what he could do with that idea.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 01/03/2019 11:01

Wow what a degrading and hurtful post! I am ginger and have dyed it for years after being bullied, now have 3 ginger DD’s and decided for them and for me to stop dyeing my hair to show them how to have pride in who you are. Who are you OP to call me a martyr?!?

Yes that was exactly what I meant

Or you could actually read the thread and realise that what I am actually taking about is people that do these things, then make a huge drama about by saying oh I really really want to do but I really can’t because I am have to make these incredible sacrifes but I need everyone in the world to know I’m doing it and what a big sacrifice it is, so I’m going to talk about it constantly

But please feel free to decide what I mean without reading or comprehending. Please feel free to take offence at something I didn’t say.

This seems to be a theme here now.

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ToftyAC · 01/03/2019 10:54

Yeah, I hear moreand more stuff like this OP. People are weird as fuck! I have 2 kids and yes their needs come first - but that’s their needs not wants and I certainly wouldn’t martyr myself!

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ssd · 01/03/2019 07:53

There's a lot of stealth boasting on this thread, a lot of bad mummy competition. Don't know what's more annoying, a martyr or a look at me I'm so awful!!??!!

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countrygirl99 · 01/03/2019 07:11

I know someone has never allowed the TV or radio on after her child bed time in case it wakes him - he's 7. She moans that her husband spends the evening watching stuff on his iPad with earphones. Another allows her 9yo to choose the family holiday because he will get upset otherwise. Even the year he chose Jamaica that they really couldn't afford. They put it on a credit card and are still paying it off 3 years later.
Another scrimps and often goes without lunch to buy her kids the designer clothes they ask for.

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Tennesseewhiskey · 01/03/2019 06:46

Some people see offence everywhere.

If you CHOOSE to not dye your hair, so your child wont feel self conscious about your hair. Do it. That's not what the OP is saying, if you bother to read the thread. She is saying if you really want to dye you hair and keeping moaning to everyone about how you have made the sacrifice of not dying you hair for your kids and moaning your really want to but cant.....then you are a martyr.

If you have loads of juice and a reasonable amount of money and end up throwing it away, because you wont drink it and Joan to others.....you are a martyr. Leaving the milk because it's nearly out and the kids needs breakfast, or you cant afford to replace something is different.

For those that dont shower when in sole charge of kids (not those that choose to do it when their dp is home because its more enjoyable....how do you think single parents get on? I wouldn't have had a shower for 3 years.

If people read the thread, it's not about people doing things. It's about people moaning about how madly done to they are and using it as to show they are better parents than others. It's a competitive thing .

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snitzelvoncrumb · 01/03/2019 05:53

Op please tell your friend that today I bought my kids a small tub if Easter egg ice cream. I just wanted to try it, but somehow I ate it all. So they get none. And I hid the evidence.

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Presh12345 · 01/03/2019 05:16

Totally know where you are coming from!! It's tiring. Can't answer phone calls, can't answer texts, no one knows how tired they are, you try running around after a 2 year old bla bla bla. Get over it. Some people in the world seem that they are the ONLY ones EVER to have children!

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user1493423934 · 01/03/2019 04:19

And yes @Tantrumsandballoons I remember the hilarious 'Aunty Tantrums' thread about looking after the spirited little girl! I loved that thread.

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user1493423934 · 01/03/2019 04:18

Gosh some of the examples given are just craziness!
When my kids were little I used to shower at night when they were all asleep.
Maybe I'm just awful but I never felt any guilt going out without them. Advice I was given was from and older relative when DS1 was a baby was to go out once a month to a movie, dinner with friends etc . . . I did and looking back it really made me happier, and as a result a better mother.
I really hate facebook martyrs - those who post about not doing anything for themselves since becoming a 'full time mummy' - yet still manage to tear themselves away from their little darlings to post every fucking day about how they can't do anything with their kids around.
The SAHM comment a few pages back was a little rude - I was a SAHM and I was never a 'martyr' (doing examples given) and I still aren't - I have a number of friends with kids same age and we all love going out sans children (not every night obvs) and none of our kids are pandered to at all.
It's like any healthy relationship - time apart is good!

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Catsinthecupboard · 01/03/2019 03:58

Goodness. Common sense and kindness are two of the better parenting guidelines.

Also. I share my food with my dogs if they want some...of course food should not be hoarded. If there is a reason your child can't eat something, wait until you can eat it privately. My dh took huge paycut and i often ate what was left on my DC's plates that year. They were growing. They didn't need the stress. Common sense.

For those who don't want to help with homes and you have hardworking, reasonable children; my in-law's didn't help and they also favored one child. They died and arent really mourned or missed bc they were selfish emotionally as well.

Don't be a dour doormat but be aware that if you're living it up, having been helped by your parents, your children will notice...unfavorably. My parents had little but gave as they could and we're still grieving bc they also gave kindness and love.

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ssd · 28/02/2019 23:31

And no doubt private education?

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ssd · 28/02/2019 23:29

Serin, I knew they would have had some inheritance, it's easy being flippant towards a woman wanting to live in a caravan so her kids can get money for a house as it sounds like that's their only choice, you have the choice

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squeekums · 28/02/2019 23:29

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it.

So your saying if you were home alone with the kids and 1 threw up all over you, in hair, down top, your covered, you just would dry off and not shower?
Period leak and no shower?
Your dp goes away for a week, no shower?
You fall over on a wet muddy ground, no shower?
Honestly how disgusting

I shower when i want or need and cant imagine sitting in my own filth just cos im alone with dd

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Bugsymalonemumof2 · 28/02/2019 23:24

I hide in the bathroom to stuff chocolate without my kids seeing so I don't have to share. I must be awful 😂

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