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To be glad this apparent new trend of being a martyr has passed me by?
295

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 06:41

I genuinely don’t know if this is a new thing or I just managed to avoid it but lately I’ve heard, read, etc from so many people who are not allowed any sort of life at all because they have a child.
For example
the woman who doesn’t colour her hair because her natural hair colour is the same as her daughter’s and her daughter might think there’s something wrong with x colour hair

The woman who will never drink orange juice as her son loves it and she wants to make sure that every time he fancies a glass, it’s there

The woman who will not attend a child free family event as it’s mkre important her children know she is always there for them

People who insist that they can’t have, for example, a bar of chocolate when their child isn’t there unless they buy them a bigger bar

All the people who claim they cannot drink a coffee or go for a wee because their child won’t let them

Admittedly my children are older teens/young adults now but I am sure that my entire life didn’t end because they were born. I’m sure I was still a person as well.
When did that become a bad thing?

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MrsKoala · 27/02/2019 14:37

When ds was a tiny baby I just put him in a carry cot at the bottom of the stairs and left the door open (loo was at top of stairs) so that I could see him

This all depends on the layout of your house tho surely. When I only had ds1 we lived in a flat, it was easy to have a shower with the door open. By the time I had my 3rd the bathroom was 4 flights of stairs away and I had a just 4yo and a just 2yo. I just couldn't ensure the safety of them all. Putting one in the jumperoo was easy. Stopping the others try to catapult the baby out of it was harder! Grin

Now I shower with the door open but I still come down to smashed fruit bowls and sudacrem decorated sofas. And last week dd run the taps in the sink with the plug in and flooded thru the ceiling below.

I do keep my eye on food too and wouldn't use the last of certain things because ds1 will only eat such a small group of food that if there was none of that left he'd eat nothing. Then i'd have to go to the shops again and I can't be arsed/have other plans. So it would piss me off if DH ate it when there was plenty of other stuff knowing I would then have to go to the shop the next day to replace it. Things like eating the lunchbox stuff would piss me off too.

I would never feel guilty about eating treats if my kids weren't there tho. That seems bizarre.

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brookshelley · 27/02/2019 14:41

Oh I just remembered one. Friend whose parents live nearby and keep offering to watch her DCs for a night or weekend so she and DH can get away. She said she doesn’t do it because “I’d feel guilty having fun and the DCs aren’t there to experience it with us.” Experience what - spa, some cocktails, and sleeping in until 10 AM? Is that what the under 5s enjoy these days?

If she’d said “GPs aren’t up to watching DCs overnight” fine - but her reason is a bit “mummy martyr” I think.

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O4FS · 27/02/2019 14:57

Are they all SAHM? I don't know any working parents who would have the bloody time for this bullshit

How insulting.

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RiverTam · 27/02/2019 15:03

I don't think she's saying all SAHMs would do this, but if you're a WOHM you simply can't indulge in this kind of nonsense.

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Catinthetwat · 27/02/2019 15:03

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it.

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Schoeny · 27/02/2019 15:05

OP, my DSIS is like this.

For example, she won't get her cataract operated on because then the children might have to miss a couple of weeks of their after-school activities while she can't drive.

And a million other examples too numerous to mention.

Her children take full advantage and know exactly who's in charge Hmm It does my head in, but it's her life, so now I just bite my tongue whenever the next act of martyrdom is mentioned.

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O4FS · 27/02/2019 15:07

The assumption that SAHMs would and WOHM wouldn’t is just stupid.

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O4FS · 27/02/2019 15:07

It’s like assuming WOHM carry WOHM guilt so are MORE likely to indulge their DCs.

Both are bullshit.

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MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2019 15:12

I've probably been seen as a martyr. Over the years, I have declined various work events because "I really should be home for the children". Utter bollocks, I just didn't want to go to the work event. Amused that there are probably people out there somewhere quoting me as a martyr to my DC! Grin

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Fr3d · 27/02/2019 15:36

Haha Margo, I was thinking that too...kids can be a good excuse Grin

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teyem · 27/02/2019 15:42

Is that a joke catinthehat? Admittedly when my kids were babies I would wait till they fell asleep but I can't imagine needing another person in the house to get a shower.

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Catinthetwat · 27/02/2019 15:46

Not a joke tayem, I've never had a shower whilst alone with the kids. I can't get my head around it.

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MrsKoala · 27/02/2019 15:51

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it

Are you assuming that later there would be another adult present? or that the dc would all be asleep?

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Quintella · 27/02/2019 15:54

What age do your kids need to be before you can grab five mins for a shower with the door open? Confused

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HarryPottersSecretSister · 27/02/2019 15:55

I swear that this is true:

A FB 'friend' of mine (mother of one of my dd's class mates) put up a picture of her DH kicking a ball in the garden with their son accompanied by a long winded, extremely smug post which started with 'When we decided to have children, we stopped watching the soaps. Because that's what you do when you decide to become a parent...'

And this post continued on to explain how much better parents they are than any of the rest of us because they no longer follow the soaps - because that's what you need to do in order to not be considered neglecting your kids.

That was about 4 years ago now. DH and I still piss ourselves laughing every time one of us brings it back up.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 15:55

how old are the children? I get it’s difficult with more than one, but there are plenty of single parents, should they not shower?

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GreenWingers · 27/02/2019 15:56

I used to have a colleague with two children, aged 6 and 18. While we were at someone's retirement party ( said person had been there about 30 years so pretty big thing) she made a massive deal of saying that it was well placed as DS6 was having his first sleepover at a friend's house while her husband and eldest son were staying home. Even so, she got up at 8pm to say that she had to get back, as her DS liked her being there at bedtime. The rest of us were a bit shit faced by now and assumed she was as well ( In retrospect, I don't think she drank at all) and thought she'd forgotten DS6 was at a friend's house. We reminded her. Turns out she was fully aware of that but liked putting her elder DS to bed. The DS who was 18.

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Quintella · 27/02/2019 15:56

Maybe grime is a badge of martyrdom honour.

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MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2019 15:57

Catinthetwat as a single parent, I'd be pretty minging by now if I hadn't been able to get my head around having a shower whilst being alone in the house with my kids!

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littlemeitslyn · 27/02/2019 16:01

Are you on something????

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GreenWingers · 27/02/2019 16:05

Catinthetwat
What can't you get your head around? Showers?
I don't see it as my duty to spend every second of the day orbiting my son but I'd say it was my duty to raise a child who can be left alone for a few minutes without trashing the house.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/02/2019 16:09

My thoughts precisely, @MargoLoveButter! Wait until the baby is having a nap, by all means - but there is nothing wrong with having a shower when there isn’t another adult in the house - as long as the child is safe, there is no reason not to do this.

Mind you, I won’t take a sleeping tablet or have a drink if I’m the only adult in the house - in case there is an emergency and I need to get one of the dogs to the vet. Which makes some small sense. But when I had the late teenage/20+ year olds in the house, and dh was away, I still didn’t have a drink or a sleeping tablet, just in case. But I did know how ridiculous I was being - and neither the sleeping tablet nor the swift G&T were necessary, in the way a shower is.

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cantbearsed1 · 27/02/2019 16:10

I agree about the shower comment. Unfortunately I am also a single parent so nobody talks to me as I haven't had a shower for 3 years. But that's just what you do when you become a parent.

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Catinthetwat · 27/02/2019 16:11

If my dh is away I just wash in a bucket in the living room with the kids - I had imagined this is what all single parents do 😉

I have a 4 and 2 year old - I can't imagine leaving them to have a shower. I like the sound of it though... would you? Genuinely asking?

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Tennesseewhiskey · 27/02/2019 16:13

Turns out she was fully aware of that but liked putting her elder DS to bed. The DS who was 18.

Wtf? And she left at 8pm to do this?

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