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To be glad this apparent new trend of being a martyr has passed me by?
295

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 06:41

I genuinely don’t know if this is a new thing or I just managed to avoid it but lately I’ve heard, read, etc from so many people who are not allowed any sort of life at all because they have a child.
For example
the woman who doesn’t colour her hair because her natural hair colour is the same as her daughter’s and her daughter might think there’s something wrong with x colour hair

The woman who will never drink orange juice as her son loves it and she wants to make sure that every time he fancies a glass, it’s there

The woman who will not attend a child free family event as it’s mkre important her children know she is always there for them

People who insist that they can’t have, for example, a bar of chocolate when their child isn’t there unless they buy them a bigger bar

All the people who claim they cannot drink a coffee or go for a wee because their child won’t let them

Admittedly my children are older teens/young adults now but I am sure that my entire life didn’t end because they were born. I’m sure I was still a person as well.
When did that become a bad thing?

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BlueJava · 28/02/2019 19:00

Um.. some of those things seem strange but I won't drink milk if I see it's getting low so I leave some for my 2DS (unless I'm planning on doing a shopping trip). I also wouldn't drink really hot things when they were tiny as I had a fear of dropping/spilling it on them. But I wouldn't say I am a martyr in anyway! Are you sure you haven't taken some things a little out of context - or are they winding you up?

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Serin · 28/02/2019 19:20

There was a thread on here a few years ago that made me feel like a bad mother (for all of about 6 seconds [Grin]) from someone who was intending to sell her home and move to a rented caravan post retirement, so that the proceeds of her house sale could be divided up between her children.
Whereas our plan is to let our adult DC fend for themselves and spend our retirement funds on a smallholding in Wales Blush and a few cruises Blush
She got a surprising amount of support.

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ethelfleda · 28/02/2019 19:22

I sometimes have a quick shower (not hair wash) whilst watching my DS. He is 16 months and I usually close all doors upstairs apart from bathroom and his room and close the stair gate over. He mainly stands and watches me to be honest. Then I might get out, get dried and dressed and wash my hair over the bath so I can dash to himif need be.

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Pashal2 · 28/02/2019 19:44

No op you are correct. There are numerous posts please keep on whining about how their children are not invited to a wedding reception or to a wedding or to an evening that was adults only! It's not just you there are people that are like this, absolutely

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JustDanceAddict · 28/02/2019 19:53

I never did any of this things. May have left juice/milk for them if we were close to running out in the morn but I can have toast!

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Boulezvous · 28/02/2019 20:04

Get off the cross we need the wood!

I suspect martyrs have always existed but I don't know any sirry irriotts like you describe. You having a laugh?

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Toodleoopuddle · 28/02/2019 20:19

Wonder if we live in the same place OP because loads of people I know are like this. Seems to be a competition about who can be the best mummy martyr.

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FullOfJellyBeans · 28/02/2019 20:44

@Serin

I don't see why that woman shouldn't sell her home and give the proceeds to her kids if it makes her happy? I wouldn't do it personally but it seems weird to have a problem with her choosing to. Unless she was insisting we all do the same. A big home isn't important to everyone and they might like to help their kids get on the property ladder.

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RainbowTurd · 28/02/2019 21:32

Wow what a degrading and hurtful post! I am ginger and have dyed it for years after being bullied, now have 3 ginger DD’s and decided for them and for me to stop dyeing my hair to show them how to have pride in who you are. Who are you OP to call me a martyr?!?

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Mumoflove · 28/02/2019 21:44

Some people are jealous of their friends’ children and resent the time and attention ‘taken away’ from them because of the child. This post reads a bit like that.

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UmBankroll · 28/02/2019 21:46

Ugh I’ve encountered plenty of mummy martyrs, especially on social media. They all seem to compete over who has sacrificed the most, and they have this attitude that the more you sacrifice (by ‘sacrifice’ I mean ‘pander to their children’s every whim), the more they love their children. It’s absurd.

I know one whose son is a similar age to mine (18months) and she CONSTANTLY posts about how she’s never used the loo alone since he was born, which is frankly insane because she has a live-in housekeeper and could surely leave the child with her for a matter of a few minutes?!?! Not only does he have to be in the bathroom with her when she uses it, but she has to HOLD HIM while she’s on the loo because ‘otherwise he will scream and throw himself to the floor’. She has removed EVERY piece of hard furniture from her house and basically lives in a glorified soft play. She took her son to a farm once and he apparently loved the chickens so much that she just HAD to get an entire chicken coop for him - which she keeps inside the house!! She co-sleeps on a mattress on the floor in her bedroom and has babyproofed everything to the extreme; remembering he’s 18 months and walking, not a delicate newborn who might roll off a bed. A few weeks ago she was posting on her Instagram story about how he ‘didn’t like wearing nappies’ so she covered the entire floor of her house with puppy house-training pads so that her son could roam around naked constantly and pee wherever he should so wish. It’s all for attention and for the fawning ‘oh wow, you’re such an amazing mum xx’ comments. Bonkers.

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PussGirl · 28/02/2019 22:11

Ethel I was just wondering why no-one had mentioned a playpen yet!

DS's favourite toys were in it, so it was a treat to be popped in while I did a few essential jobs.

Grin

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ethelfleda · 28/02/2019 22:12

Wow what a degrading and hurtful post! I am ginger and have dyed it for years after being bullied, now have 3 ginger DD’s and decided for them and for me to stop dyeing my hair to show them how to have pride in who you are. Who are you OP to call me a martyr?!?

OP, if this is actually what you’re whinging about then shame on you!

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Siameasy · 28/02/2019 22:28

I know some-on social media. In real life no one cares
Ive heard about never rushing the child so eg if you’re desperate for the loo you can’t tell them to get a move on cos that’s wrong🙄 or you can’t eat in front of them cos they will want it. Tbf my daughter often wants my food so I do cook an extra egg cos I know what’s coming. But chocolate no way would I share.
Others talk about wanting films and literature “with no peril”. Apparently this means non scary. Stick man was felt to be too much😂 pathetic.

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BlackCatSleeping · 28/02/2019 22:32

Actually, this thread is pretty nasty. I don't know why I bother sometimes.

My kids were also amazing escape artists and very good at opening child safety locks. Some kids are just more consuming than others. It's not that hard a concept to grasp.

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Siameasy · 28/02/2019 22:33

I know ones (again SM) who are proud not to have stairgates
I’m keeping ours forever

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Frazzledstar1 · 28/02/2019 22:38

Paaaa I actually ate some of my kids Xmas chocolates and let them think it had just run out! (In my defence they had A LOT).
Sounds like you hang out with some strange ones!

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ssd · 28/02/2019 22:43

Serin, can I ask if your children have had any inheritance from any relatives that will help them with house buying or will they be totally alone in saving for a deposit?

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llizzie · 28/02/2019 23:13

Daft I call it.

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Serin · 28/02/2019 23:22

FullOfJellyBeans Of course the woman should be free to sell her home if she wants to but it was an AIBU post criticising those who didn't do the same.

ssd Our DC have some inheritance from grandparents but they are lucky to have benefitted from decent educations and have the means to make their own money. DH and I have worked so hard for anything we have. We hoped that in retirement we would be able to spend our money how we chose to without being made to feel like bad parents.

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Bugsymalonemumof2 · 28/02/2019 23:24

I hide in the bathroom to stuff chocolate without my kids seeing so I don't have to share. I must be awful 😂

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squeekums · 28/02/2019 23:29

I wouldn't dream of having a shower when in sole charge of children. Why wouldn't you have one later? I'm sorry I just don't get it.

So your saying if you were home alone with the kids and 1 threw up all over you, in hair, down top, your covered, you just would dry off and not shower?
Period leak and no shower?
Your dp goes away for a week, no shower?
You fall over on a wet muddy ground, no shower?
Honestly how disgusting

I shower when i want or need and cant imagine sitting in my own filth just cos im alone with dd

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ssd · 28/02/2019 23:29

Serin, I knew they would have had some inheritance, it's easy being flippant towards a woman wanting to live in a caravan so her kids can get money for a house as it sounds like that's their only choice, you have the choice

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ssd · 28/02/2019 23:31

And no doubt private education?

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Catsinthecupboard · 01/03/2019 03:58

Goodness. Common sense and kindness are two of the better parenting guidelines.

Also. I share my food with my dogs if they want some...of course food should not be hoarded. If there is a reason your child can't eat something, wait until you can eat it privately. My dh took huge paycut and i often ate what was left on my DC's plates that year. They were growing. They didn't need the stress. Common sense.

For those who don't want to help with homes and you have hardworking, reasonable children; my in-law's didn't help and they also favored one child. They died and arent really mourned or missed bc they were selfish emotionally as well.

Don't be a dour doormat but be aware that if you're living it up, having been helped by your parents, your children will notice...unfavorably. My parents had little but gave as they could and we're still grieving bc they also gave kindness and love.

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