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To be glad this apparent new trend of being a martyr has passed me by?
295

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/02/2019 06:41

I genuinely don’t know if this is a new thing or I just managed to avoid it but lately I’ve heard, read, etc from so many people who are not allowed any sort of life at all because they have a child.
For example
the woman who doesn’t colour her hair because her natural hair colour is the same as her daughter’s and her daughter might think there’s something wrong with x colour hair

The woman who will never drink orange juice as her son loves it and she wants to make sure that every time he fancies a glass, it’s there

The woman who will not attend a child free family event as it’s mkre important her children know she is always there for them

People who insist that they can’t have, for example, a bar of chocolate when their child isn’t there unless they buy them a bigger bar

All the people who claim they cannot drink a coffee or go for a wee because their child won’t let them

Admittedly my children are older teens/young adults now but I am sure that my entire life didn’t end because they were born. I’m sure I was still a person as well.
When did that become a bad thing?

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adaline · 27/02/2019 19:11

I've never had a shower whilst alone with the kids. I can't get my head around it.

What do you imagine single parents do @Catinthetwat?Or parents whose partners work away for days/weeks/months on end?

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Barbarafromblackpool · 27/02/2019 19:13

I leave a 7 month old in a bouncer in my room and the 4 and 5 year old downstairs whilst I shower.

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Spudlet · 27/02/2019 19:17

I park DS in the corner of the bathroom with the iPad and some toys while I shower. Why wouldn't you?

This did backfire somewhat when a rather important phone call and through onto the iPad and DS picked up, but fortunately the person at the other end was a speech therapist so didn't mind being babbled at, and I managed to leap out and take control before he hung up on them to continue watching Zog Grin

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NataliaOsipova · 27/02/2019 19:26

You wouldn’t have a shower while looking after kids??? That’s what baby bouncers are for, surely? And the TV when they’re a bit older?

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ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 27/02/2019 19:40

I must admit showers were strictly an evening-only thing on occasions when both DC were under 2 (WELL under 2) and DH was away.... mostly because DS1 enjoyed twatting his baby brother and watching my furious response Angry

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INeedNewShoes · 27/02/2019 19:53

I don't understand the shower thing. As a young baby DD would be in her Moses basket in the bedroom while I showered, then from a few months old would be in the cot. I would make sure she was fed, clean and settled then have my shower.

Now at 22m I just park her in the cot with a few toys and books.

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SpeedyBojangles · 27/02/2019 19:56

I have 3 small children (5, nearly 4 and 4 months) and I do none of these things.

I wouldn't be able to leave the baby overnight yet, but would attend a child free wedding for the day/evening!

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SpeedyBojangles · 27/02/2019 19:57

Although I don't have baths until the evening when DH is home as I do like a long soak and hate showers so that's out of preference than necessity

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JumpOrBePushed · 27/02/2019 22:19

If I want a shower when I’m in sole charge of the DC, I park the 7 and 5 yr old downstairs with their tablets, and put the 2 yr old in his bedroom with the stair gate closed. The stair gate is on his bedroom door rather than the stairs because the older 2 can’t be 100% trusted to close a stair gate behind them.

And I leave the bathroom door open so I can keep an ear out while I shower.

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ssd · 27/02/2019 22:30

I suppose I could look like a martyr to some but my kids have turned out decent and independent so I guess it doesn't matter to anyone else but us

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BlackCatSleeping · 27/02/2019 23:42

I had three kids aged 3 and under and life was hard, so sometimes I did what it took just to get through the day and if that meant sitting eating a chocolate bar on the toilet so I didn’t have to share or letting the kids take a shower with me, so be it. I’m sure people would judge me as a mummy martyr but when your kids are young it’s really different. Sometimes I did go way too long without showering Blush Now they’re older it’s different. I can pee without everyone following me to the bathroom.

I’m sure most mums are just doing their best. It’s sad that there is so much judgement towards them.

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cantbearsed1 · 28/02/2019 07:46

What are you eating mummy?
Nothing at all (as cantbearsed tries to hide the fact that she is eating adult chocolate in the kitchen).

I find martyrs in any walk of life hard work. Make your life harder than it needs to be if you want to. But please recognise it is a choice you are making, so don't moan to me about it.

Although I was always happy to encourage her to eat the non cook cake she made regularly at nursery, rather than give it to me. The nursery did their best, but the cake never looked totally clean.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/02/2019 12:41

Ahh yes - children's baking - boosting immunity since time immemorial!

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youarenotkiddingme · 28/02/2019 17:32

Shower thing I kinda get. But my ds is autistic and I'm a LP so for everyone's sake I waited until he was asleep. (Everyone includes the neighbours 😂).

But what I don't get is eroding a sense of self for your kids. Someone up thread hit the nail on the head (imo) when they said kids who see their parents have no self respect - don't respect them.

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Brian9600 · 28/02/2019 17:35

On the hair dyeing thing, I have found that my attitude to dyeing my own hair has changed- I used to think my hair was really dull and mouse and so I always had blonde highlights. Now I have a daughter who has exactly the same colour hair, and I can see that her hair is actually a lovely light golden brown and not dull at all. So I’ve stopped dyeing my hair, as I can now see it’s a perfectly nice colour as it is. (I appreciate that this is not really what the OP was talking about.)

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shammy1b · 28/02/2019 17:37

I've heard or met people like this..ON A DAILY... so the fact most say no never heard of people doing this is a joke..have they got kids or met pretentious idiots that have and think everyone else lives should revive around them and their angelic Lil beauty's. ..so no yanbu...and others on here that like to chip in and go against the grain or say no your mad are probably one of those parents..

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JayneyMc4 · 28/02/2019 17:41

Really? Have they not heard of a taxi?

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EthelHornsby · 28/02/2019 17:53

Obviously shows my age, but I had a playpen when mine were small to corral toddlers while showering/going to the loo. I also used to iron inside it with them on the outside!

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TheVanguardSix · 28/02/2019 17:58

Dunno where you got your references from OP but I’ve never come across such martyrs as these.

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youarenotkiddingme · 28/02/2019 17:58

MH ds could escape anything 🤷‍♀️🙈 I used stair gates. He'd find things to build stairs and climb over - he could actually do biggest to smallest box at 2 yet couldn't speak sentences. A barrier was just something get over 😂

NEVER done any daft things though beyond normal parenting of needs. So even if he asked/asks 50 times for something he's been told no to i continue to explain no.

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DeniseRoyal · 28/02/2019 18:11

What nonsense is this now? Not on my watch!! Fuck that right off!

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Weathermonger · 28/02/2019 18:11

I will often forgo something food wise if my children want it .. but it's when I know they particularly like a certain thing, and I'm indifferent and can have something else. However they do the same for me, they know the consequences of eating Mum's last Cadbury's Creme Egg !!! I think it's possible to put your children first when it matters and not turn into a martyr.

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ParkaPerson · 28/02/2019 18:18

I don't think putting your children first - particularly in terms of things like fresh juice where money is tight- makes you a martyr. That said I don't recognise most of the things on this thread.

I won't leave my infant daughter screaming so I do bring her to the bathroom if I'm going for a shower. Similarly I have had many tepid coffees as she has started crying just as I make one (til i got a thermos flask)

The only one i really recognize is the hair one.

I have a large birthmark on my neck that I covered with makeup from an early age as I was very self conscious. My daughter has turned out to have a similar one and I've stopped using makeup. I don't want her growing up thinking she has to cover it. It's been good for me actually as literally no one has commented

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winniestone37 · 28/02/2019 18:41

Er I suspect the person we should be commenting on is probably you my dearHmm

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HolesinTheSoles · 28/02/2019 18:58

I've never known anyone do any of these. I've known people not attend child free events but that's because the event in question was a 4 day thing happening abroad. If you have limited holiday time and money you might not want to spend it away from your family.

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