To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

[amrscot]

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

Because I have no choice in the matter.
He creeps in when i am asleep and 3am when i am mostly asleep is no the time to be wrestling a small person back to their own bed.

I agree with Notso, I just can’t understand how you actually sleep with a bed full of people (& pets in some examples), I can only sleep well totally alone, never share with DH unless we are in a hotel & then would insist in twin beds. But that is me, I clearly am a poor sleeper. There’s nothing better than retreating to the peace of my own bedroom at night and firmly closing the door . And my DS seems a fully functioning adult ... despite not sharing a bed as he was growing up.

Lucky we are all different.

Sleeping with pets makes me heave. It’s disgusting.

Three children in three years? They are unlikely to be wanting to conceive any more in any case, I would be too knackered.

I've never made a habit of my kids sleeping in our bed 4&2, if they've come in because their I'll ect I've put them straight into their own beds when they've fallen a asleep. When my teen we're small and I was a single mother I still didn't have them in my bed for company ect. I like my own space and sharing with dh is bad enough without of little bodies 🙈

My db and sil are expecting twins and trying to get their 5 year old out of their bed before they come along. It's proving quite difficult and I can't help telling them "I told you so" 😛

Sleeping with pets makes me heave. It’s disgusting.

Calm down hyacinth. I’m pretty sure it’s how our ancestors did it and probably brilliant for building human immune systems.

As for the OP, I can never work out how people summon up the energy to care about stuff others do that doesn’t affect them in anyway.

Other people’s sleeping arrangements are none of your business. Other people sex lives, are also none of your business.

Haven't RTFT but i let my 4yo sleep in my bed sometimes as she's only little once, and sometimes needs the comfort of her mum to relax. There's more to life than sex and I would rather my children felt safe and secure than stress about the last time DH and I had sex.

@laurie
😂 hyacinth that made me laugh.
Our ancestors also shit outside and hunted with spears but I’m glad we progressed.
Your bed will stink, therefore you do. You might think you don’t, I’m sure you do a lot of my friends with animals think there house doesn’t smell. It absolutely does. But each to their own.

Kids are young for such a short time. I loved snuggling with dd, she wanted her own bed age 8.

I say make the most of it!

Our ancestors also shit outside and hunted with spears but I’m glad we progressed

Not all development is ‘progress’. Our obsession with germs is fucking up our immune systems.

In households where family members live closely with pets, asthma and allergy levels are lower.

My DD is 2 and shares my bed. I'm still bf so it makes it easier. My DH does not have exclusive rights to me at night! My DD sleeps better when she is next to me and I love snuggling up to her. I feel sad for anyone who has missed out on this experience, because of their views around co-sleeping, but I would never question them about it.

When I'm at work I only see my DD for a few hours in the evening before bedtime. Sleeping next to her at night makes me feel like I am regaining some of those lost hours. I love listening to her little snores, being able to comfort her quickly if she wakes, kissing her soft cheeks whenever she rolls over to me, stroking her hair, looking into her eyes when she wakes... I will never regret co-sleeping - she is growing so quickly that it is feels like we are slowing down the time at night when we are all snuggled up together.

I love snuggling up with my children. It's not going to be forever and co-sleeping is precious time for me.

Everyone goes to sleep in their own beds, sometimes everyone stays there and sometimes we play musical beds.

It's not a big deal, if works for us.

I have a couple of friends whose parents made the "marital bed" thing such a big deal that the kids (if ill or afraid) would whimper and cry outside the bedroom in the hope of being heard. They wouldn't dare go in. This to me is very weird and sad.

Surely we all do what works for our own family.

DS didn’t sleep through the night until he was 5, either in our bed or in his own! I would have been happy to have him in our bed if he slept.

Then along came dd. She slept through from 11 weeks and was fine until she went into a bed instead of cot. After that she would happily go to sleep in her own bed but was always in ours when we woke up in the mornings.

Now they are teenagers they both sleep and always in their own beds. I can’t imagine there are many teenagers who still insist on sharing with their parents 😀

Are the kids happy? Does it all work well for them as a family?

Surely they are the only things that matter.

"Your bed will stink, therefore you do."

Does owning pets mean you can't change the bed or shower then?

Because it’s nice! Because you have your entire life to sleep with your husband alone, but your children will only be cuddly little limpets for a short time! Because it’s natural for mammals to sleep with their young?

Because they want to and we want them there.
Because I think it's a far more natural way for human beings to sleep.
Because I can feed my baby without fully waking up meaning I've never had a night up with him.
Because you can have sex in many other places besides at night time in bed.

MsMustDoBetter that is sad.

I bed shared with my mum as a child. When I visit her, I sometimes share her bed with DD. It's completely normal in our family, and there's something very lovely about three generations of women sleeping in the same bed. I want DD to feel the same when she is older.

We do it. Ours are 3 and 20 months. I still breastfeed the youngest a lot in the night so has always co-slept. When our 3 year old realised he was always in our bed she wanted to come in too. We have tried A LOT to get them out and it isn't my choice to let them in. But trying to reason with a crying child at 3am when you need to get up and function at work isn't much fun.

We have a toddler bed and a mattress in our room so they start off in their own beds. When they were in other rooms it was far more disturbing to have them wondering the house whaling. They can just climb in without disturbing us much and we can all get an ok ish nights sleep. I think for many like us people don't chose to invite their kids to sleep in their bed, it's just something you have to do to get any sleep.

You didn't just ask for opinions, you said you do not understand the reasons, even though it turns out you do not know any of the reasons behind this choice and implied there would be some long term negative implications.

So, I won't even bother telling you my reasons.

Personally, I would rather sleep with a tiny human than dps massive snoring 6foot 3frame, but we don't have kids so no excuse to kick him out yet haha

People are touchy on the thread because some people think they can get away with being critical and then go ‘i was just saying’ or ‘I was only asking’.
Her friends haven’t been able to give her an explanation because quite rightly they have concluded they don’t owe her an explanation because it has nothing to do with her. If my friend asked me to explain my parenting decisions I’d tell them to sod off.

Actually very keen to get everyone’s opinion on this thread as lots of cosleepers (and not worth a separate thread):

When you have a second baby, what do you do re the first child sleeping in the bed?

Because mammals sleep with their young.

My issue would be to have three children in the same bed than me! They tend to take a hell of a lot of space so I’m struggling to see how you could sleep in a normal double bed with 2 adults and 3 wriggly children. One is bad enough. No way I couod have coped wth 3!!