To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

[amrscot]

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

Please expand on the phrase “for their own good”

@HerSymphonyAndSong you're wrong because I do mean that. Different things work for different people, whether it is considered right or not

It’s the sarky ‘always helpful to hear an expert opinion’ that sounds like a flaming.

I just don’t agree with kids sleeping in their parents bed on a frequent basis, every parent does different things and has different opinions, it’s just that I’ve seen many issues from people that I’ve known who have let kids sleep beside them all the time.

I’m afraid that “considered right or not” is quite judgemental

Missmother you said you had never had problems with your child sleeping and yet had a solution for everyone who did. I think my comment was quite mild given what you were suggesting.

What “issues” have you seen?

Because your going to have a child that won’t be able to stay anywhere else because they will be dependant on sleeping with their parents.
Because at some point kids need to start being independent, sleeping in their own bed is the start.

@HerSymphonyAndSong no it isn't

Well it seems to me that most parents allow their kids to sleep beside them because they can’t be arssed with their tears, thus being my lazy parenting comment.

But Missmother loads of people on this thread have said that they don’t have those problems with their children who have slept with them

Ah so we have reached the “lazy parenting” judgement, I suspected so

So what if considered right or not is judgmental?! Everybody in their own way is judgmental, some people just like to pretend that they’re not because it’s not pc

I agree, but own the judgement, don’t say “each to their own” when not meant

Yes but these parents will have issues when they try to put their kids in their own beds.

I’m pretty judgemental of the “leave them screaming in their cot, they’ll soon learn” advice from someone who never had to do that themselves

Loads of people have said that their children are now in their beds and are fine! And now only come into their parents’ bed sporadically, of which you approve. Have you read the thread?

It’s a bit like controlled crying, or something similar sounding, instead of always picking them up when they cry (I do know that there’s sometimes reasons for kids crying but sometimes they just want picked up) then let them cry it out, eventually they will realise that they’re not always going to get picked up when they cry, same with the sleeping.

Yes I’ve read the thread, the whole point of thread is asking if you allow your kids to sleep in your bed and why, I said my thoughts as to why I don’t think it’s a good idea, I’ve answered it as I should have.

Maybe here nobody has had issues with kids in their beds but I’ve heard different from people that I actually know in real life.

Missmother Thu 28-Feb-19 04:18:30

I’ve never had a child that had sleep troubles but if I did, then I think I would persevere and let them scream their little heads off when you put them down in their own bed...

Mwahahaha, you are ever so droll too, just like the OP.

Well that your opinions and your obviously welcome to it.

None of your posts make it obvious that others are welcome to their opinions - heck, even their experiences of bringing up babies - so thanks for clarifying that.

Whatever.

On the flip side, my twins have refused to so much as lie down in our bed since they could sit up. They’re 2.5 now, and I really hope that at some point they want to come in for cuddles and sleep part of the night - they have ASD so who knows if it will ever happen. Wanting to cuddle your children to sleep is completely “normal” - I personally don’t understand why some people expect babies / toddlers to not need parenting for half of their day just because the sun is down, or why anyone would let their child scream for them and not go (and yes, mine have been awful sleepers who drove me half insane but I still went to them when they cried) but we all have our reasons.

thick people are obsessed with making their children independent from the minute they pop out. It's just not how development works.

I co-sleep because it's what my children needed at the time. DS1 is 6 and sleeps through in his own bed these days: no nightmares, no night wakings, no toilet visits, no anxiety at all around sleep. DS2 is 2 and still in my bed for now.

eventually they will realise that they’re not always going to get picked up when they cry

Yes, eventually they will realise their parents aren’t coming to help them - wonderful! Definitely the basis of a healthy relationship.

If you were in a full body cast and stuck in bed and you woke in the night thirsty and asked for a drink from your partner, or you were lying in your own excrement, how would you feel if they ignored you? Told you not until morning? Got annoyed if you cried and gave you the silent treatment, left the room for you to cry yourself to sleep?

Would that be good for your relationship?

Babies can only cry. Some toddlers can only cry. They’re asking for something. Maybe all they need is a cuddle, which is just as important as any of the other things - if I were distressed and asked my DH for a cuddle and he refused I’d be very upset.

love it, I disagree so therefore I’m thick, least I’m not a lazy parent

Why do I bother with this site? Never in my life have I had people speak to me the way they do on MN.