To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

[amrscot]

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

@Boobiliboobiliboo Is it not? It appears I've been completely U with that comment.

@jcmayj - it's probably just not openly discussed much. I co-slept with my mum til I was 9 (I'm 40 now) but it just never came up in conversation so no one would have known.

(And yes, I've grown up fine, I've always been a great sleeper and very independent ) 😊

@whatsnewchoochoo a lot of my friends openly talk about co sleeping.

A colleague of mine was discussing it, her DH didn't want to co sleep so she kicked him out the the spare room

Is it not? It appears I've been completely U with that comment.

Don’t anticipate “evenings”, “relaxing” or baby sleeping reliably for the first 6 —24– months or so. It’s better to have realistic expectations.

My 8 year old is in my bed tonight for the first time in ages. I can’t wait for sleepy cuddles. 💕

Just do what works and fuck the judgement?

Yep that's pretty much you're best rule for parenting

Because she's five and we both like to sleep and cuddle up.

She won't want to do it forever so I'm making the most of it before she gets to big to want to

My 7yo is in bed next to me.
Because she asked to.
Because I don't mind, I actually quite like her when she's asleep.
Because I enjoy a night off from DH's farting/snoring/whinging/sleep talking.
Because I get more of the bed and the duvet all to myself.

Yes she was a terrible sleeper when a baby/toddler and we co slept through need rather than choice. She goes to bed,in her own bed perfectly fine now,just randomly asks if she can sleep with me. If OH says yes...who am I to argue?

I let mine because I suffered terrible nightmares and just irrational fears at night as a child and remember the pure relief of being allowed in my parents bed. Seriously over 30 years later I still remember that feeling, just hearing them breathe and knowing I was safe. I'd never deny my kids the same, I want them to know no matter how scared they are, I'm there and they are welcome to come and snuggle up with me if it helps. They are young for such a short time. My ds7 rarely does now nor dd5, they grew out of it on their own. Even dd2 who was in most nights doesn't very often now but when she does, I feel her reach out for me and instantly relax, I love it. It's often in the middle of the night though for us so still time for a bit of grown up time

Co slept with them until 3ish
If they were happy that was it if they weren’t they came back. Have a single bed mattress under our bed for anyone who wants it. Luckily my dh feels the same & we have fast quality time during their TV time.

Unless you’re into tantric sex I can’t see the problem.

Because I get more of the bed and the duvet all to myself

I usually have all 6’ of bed to myself. Put DD in it and from about 18 months she’s taken most of it and left me with a 6” strip on the edge. 😂

Some people say that letting a child sleep in your bed is lazy parenting, I was always told from my mother that if my DD ever wanted to sleep besides me then it should only be a once in a while thing, otherwise I’d never get her out, and I actually agree with this, I’ve seen it happen so many times with friends of mines, one friend who was really lazy was allowing her 11 year old son to sleep beside her, he hadn’t known any other way, when he got to about age 9 then she started telling him to go into his own bed, he did very reluctantly, but when she’d go to her bed then he was there, having went into her room when she was downstairs asleep! It was her own fault for allowing it in the first place and I told her this when she moaned about it to me. The last time I heard from her was when he was 11 and he was still sleeping besides her, no wonder he never wanted to stay overnight with friends, how on earth would he have coped without sleeping with his mum?!

You make a rod for your own back when you allow DC to sleep beside you on a regular basis, let it be a once a month treat, if they have nightmares then soothe them in their own bed until they fall back asleep, then go back to your own bed.

When she was downstairs and he was upstairs sleeping, is what I should have said, not when she was downstairs sleeping

Well my excuse is that I had twins with severe acid reflex who cried about 22 hours a day and slept in 15 minute intervals if I was lucky...so i had no choice or i would have died.

Each to their own. Dd rarely wanted in our bed. Ds didn't sleep, but in our bed he did and when you are 2 years down the line of sleep deprivation, you'll do anything for some sleep.

Suffice to say at 16 he stays in his own bed all night now!

Don’t you think though that if you put your child in their own bed night after night then they’d eventually realise that this is where they sleep and that mummy’s bed is mummy’s bed.

I’ve never had the misfortune of having a child who won’t sleep, I only have one DD and she’s 16 now and I never had any issues with her sleep wise.

I watched my mother go through problems with my little brother though, he slept in her bed, but he wanted her to go to bed at the same time as him and I think this is why she told me never to allow your children to sleep in your bed.

I just think children sleeping besides their parents on a regular basis is problematic, because you’ll then have issues with them not going to their own beds.

@Missmother finally somebody who hasn't flamed me on this thread.

I may not have flamed you but I bet I get flamed!

I just don’t agree with allowing your kids to sleep in bed with you frequently, there’s no need for it, they have to get used to their own bed sometime, and if your going to let them sleep in your bed because they keep crying or whatever, then this sends the message just to cry and mummy/daddy will give in!

@Missmother totally agree and that is a logical way of thinking but it seems many others don't say it that way

But each to their own and all that.

I’ve never had a child that had sleep troubles but if I did, then I think I would persevere and let them scream their little heads off when you put them down in their own bed, eventually they will cry themselves to sleep anyway and then they’ll wake up in their own beds, they could be sleeping easily in their own beds within a week if parents just persevered.

“I’ve never had a child that had sleep troubles”

“they could be sleeping easily in their own beds within a week if parents just persevered”

Always helpful to hear an expert opinion

No one who says “each to their own” EVER means that

It means “I’m going to say judgemental things (probably on a basis of ignorance), but if I tack that phrase on the end then I’m in the clear”

And the flaming begins

Why are you confused? You knew people would disagree with you. This is hardly a flaming, is it

I’m pretty sure that most health workers who visit families with young children would also agree that kids should sleep in their own beds, it’s for their own good just as much as it is for the parent.