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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

441 replies

amrscot · 26/02/2019 22:54

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 27/02/2019 19:57

I love my baby snuggling up in bed...dont really see it as anyone elses business. He starts in his bed but comes in mine early early morning

m0therofdragons · 27/02/2019 20:36

Woke up this morning with dd3 age seven snuggling up to me. I work full time so regularly feel guilty but feeling that special bond and love of my child is amazing. No one is going to make me regret that my dc feel safe when cuddling me in my bed. Love it!

Susiesoop · 27/02/2019 20:52

Because our son was a nightmare/ scared at bedtime we let him fall asleep in our bed for ages, the idea was crazy to me as I'd always been so strict about no co-sleeping! We'd would transfer him once asleep and then for a while he'd sometimes reappear in the middle of the night. He's 6 now and goes to sleep in his own bed-and stays there. He obviously just needed that extra comfort for a bit. I miss it a little bit as once we'd stopped forcing the 'own bed' thing the bedtime routine and snuggle was lovely!

Pippathenippa · 27/02/2019 20:59

Well my 20 month old has slept with me, since, well always... I’m 7 months up de duff again so I guess sex without the marital bed is plausible!

Dutchesss · 27/02/2019 21:04

My kids don't like to sleep alone - nor would I. I wouldn't expect them to do something I don't do myself so they sleep with us.

Mamabear12 · 27/02/2019 21:06

Bc it’s such a short time they are young and want to sleep with you. We cherish the moments bc they are fast. They are fleeting and they will pass.

Ozziewozzie · 27/02/2019 21:13

We share our bed with toddlers and it's great. No getting up at night, we all sleep brilliantly. It's really quite bonding too.
Once they are about 3.5, they will be moved into a big boy & girl bed, lovely blankets etc and that's it. I did the same with each of my older 3 and they had no trouble with the transition at all as they were ready.

Dothehappydance · 27/02/2019 21:19

It depends on what you mean by 'let'. The 1st one was only in our bed if poorly, the 2nd was in our bed every now and then and the 3rd, well she was an awful sleeper, really really awful and I was simply too tired and this was what I did to get through. She is 7 now and very occasionally climb into our bed.

BakerBear · 27/02/2019 21:27

Having children in my bed is not something I would put up with.

I have 2 children and they never get in my bed.

I have a friend who’s 2 children are in her bed every night otherwise they scream.

RainbowMum11 · 27/02/2019 21:53

DD5 just likes to be close to me - me & her Dad are divorced though so doesn't have an impact on our relationship!
(Fwiw it only started after he left, so didn't affect our marriage).

Cel982 · 27/02/2019 22:02

Having children in my bed is not something I would put up with.

Why, don't you like your children? Confused

currantbeings · 27/02/2019 22:07

I was lucky to have a child who slept but I know for a fact that if she didn’t, I’d have had her in bed with us without hesitation.

I’m pleased we haven’t had to resort to it but can absolutely see why people do.
Each to their own.

Msgiggles30 · 27/02/2019 22:13

Haha @Mumofaprinny I agree its totally each to thier own when it comes to bringing up children however I would be awake all night if I had a child in my bed but I'm a horrendous sleeper! As long as its making people happy and the children are loved who cares Smile

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/02/2019 22:16

DS8 never slept well as a baby so we ended up cosleeping. It's not something I actively sought but we rolled with what he needed because the alternative was exhaustion like I'd never known before. With an older DC thrown into the mix I needed to function, and selfishly I didn't want to make bedtimes a battle.

Some children need more of you. Some don't. You work with the child you have and the end result is exactly the same; nobody asks on their university application "when did you learn to sleep in your own bed" because just like all those other potentially competitive things like toilet training and weaning, none of it matters once it's gone.

Faster · 27/02/2019 22:19

Multiple reasons. DS sleeps in his cot or in with me. He’s 20m.
We get to snuggle lots.
He sleeps well in bed with me.
I sleep well with him in my bed.
I like having him close to me (working mum guilt.)
We get little moments of pure joyous playing.
I had crippling PND and having him close to me helped me bond with him.
I’m a single parent and I get lonely and feel guilty that I’m not enough so I give him as much of me as I can do.

newtownstarling · 27/02/2019 22:29

I guarantee the OP does not have dc

TwixBix1 · 27/02/2019 22:33

I think people weigh up the pros and cons and overall some people decide it's better to have their kids sleep with them either for practical reasons such as getting enough sleep or not having enough space/bedrooms or psychological theories on parenting (where some advise it, though not at all).

Random18 · 27/02/2019 22:42

Op are you a mum yet?

I always said I wouldn’t do it.
And with DD we didn’t. On the whole she was a great sleeper and actually wouldn’t settle in our bed. It was only when she was older we would take her in to bed with us. She is 7 now & still comes in sometimes.

My DS well he’s been completely different. He’s always been a crap sleeper and mostly ends up in our bed.

But they are my babies and I love them and if they need a cuddle overnight then they can have it. It won’t be forever.

And as for the marital bed - well it’s a great form of contraception Grin
And they do start of in their own bed.........

Wearywithteens · 27/02/2019 22:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

jcmayj · 27/02/2019 22:50

Okay, so I got terribly flamed on this thread and it wasn't my intention at all to come across as judgemental. I appreciate that my first post may have come across that way, but that's honestly not how I wanted it to.

Some people have made comments on the term "marital bed", what I meant was the bed that you share with your SO.

I just wanted to know what people's thoughts were and the reasons that they let their DC share their bed.

I'm expecting DC1 and for me personally I don't want to co sleep if it is possible - I appreciate this may change if he isn't a good sleeper but I feel as though the time at night when the child is sleeping should be for the parents to unwind and spend time together.

Again, this is just what I think and I apologise to everybody that I may have offended. I appreciate that different things work for different people.

And yes, I have NC'd.

jayho · 27/02/2019 22:53

Off to bed with my ten year old, traumatised by domestic abuse, needs me, 14yold, similar left my room last year. Both boys
We're making our own space

whatsnewchoochoo · 27/02/2019 22:59

@jcmayj - I had no intention of co-sleeping when I was pregnant either. He was going to be in own room from 6 months.

He's 2 now and we've always bed shared. Initially because we needed to but now because we all love it, it feels natural and it's amazing waking up to his little smile.

jayho · 27/02/2019 22:59

I was always a co sleeper because I value my sleep btw but when my relationship failed it was how my children responded. They wanted me close so I let them until they felt safe enough to move away il

Boobiliboobiliboo · 27/02/2019 23:00

I feel as though the time at night when the child is sleeping should be for the parents to unwind and spend time together.

😂😂😂😂😂

jcmayj · 27/02/2019 23:01

@whatsnewchoochoo my opinion might change. Especially when sleep deprived! Grin

I think I feel this way because my own mother was strictly against co sleeping and I never slept with her as a child.

It's obviously a lot more common today though!

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