New lodger taking over my house!!!

[scrabbled]

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

• has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
• keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
• has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
• stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
• kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

Ahh I never even took that into consideration... Makes more sense now lol.

.

The only thing that he did that was reasonable IMO is to turn the TV on while you were eating dinner and possibly leaving the key in the door if it was an accident.

If he want to do the other things then he can find a private rental or buy his own house.

No no no no no no !
I could NOT live like this!
Some of his behaviour is unacceptable from family members ffs!
Get him gone
And when you get your next lodger I suggest you make the rules very clear indeed
This is is home invasion!

I dont think you are U. He seems very entitled and possibly doesnt get the difference between house share and lodger. Id be asking him to leave. And whats with the doorbell/alarms? Did he ask to put those up?

Good luck op, totally agree get someone to stay with you when you tell him then change the locks after he is gone.

How old is he?

Why did he leave his last place?

(Presumably with all this protein powders + xyz he is like Mr Universe) 💪🏽⚪️🙄

so agree with others he is not the right combination for you or your home

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

If you are going to have a lodger, the boundaries need to be set down on paper and shown to him/her before they move in - not after they've taken over the house. You really need to draft an agreement which the new lodger has to read and sign, before you let them stay.

Personally I'd be getting women only - there are just too many issues around having a man living with you. Without wanting to sound sexist, I really don't think many women would behave like this man has.

Get rid of him asap and make it a priority to have a proper agreement next time you decide to have a lodger.

I’ve house shared and I’ve lived with a landlord. I had no idea the lounge isn’t considered communal. My room was teeny tiny.
The house was small, but I often worked late. I also supplied most of the white goods when the owners broke (hers were old and second hand). I ended up buying a tv as well because hers was one of the old box tvs.
I didn’t have the run of the house though. There were rooms I didn’t use.

I’ve been watching too many “slum landlords, nightmare programmes. Even if they have an interview and sign a contract and agree to terms, there’s no stopping them from getting out of control.

I would have a word with him first, make it like a formal meeting, (with boyfriend present if you want) If he’s not going to play ball then put it in writing to him, stating that if he doesn’t conform then he will have to leave. If he still doesn’t conform give him a weeks notice with a police threat.

What @Itsnotme123 said:

If you've let a lodger do this and you're on here asking for advice instead of having spoken to him already, then to be honest you're not ready to take in lodgers.

You have to set out rules and boundaries from the offset. & be able to ensure you aren't afraid to deal with problems should they arise.

Give him notice and start again. Set out the rules of the agreement clearly for next lodger.

I have a colleague in a very similar situation to you. It seems to me it most often happens when a woman allows male lodgers. They take the piss, then the woman is too afraid to say anything - in her own home!

Just, No.

I can see why you are aiming to tell him OP- I’d feel really awkward and picking the best timing is much better

Why do you have male lodgers? I’m a bit surprised as a woman on your own that you feel safe- essentially these are strangers to you that move into your house.

Next time maybe be really clear it’s a lodging agreement not a flat share- their space is their room and that’s why it has a sofa and telly etc.
Get one cupboard in the kitchen with a lock and tell them that is theirs and work surfaces are to be kept free is possible

Good luck getting him out. And have someone with you 100%.

Have you removed the alarms? If not do it. Pack his protein shit into a carrier bag and put it in his room. Reclaim your home and then tell him to leave.

Agree @Whereareyouspot I'm always really surprised when I hear of women taking male lodgers. I'd worry far too much.

The cuckoo thing really struck me up above, with the doorbell, shakes and key thing.

I also think he simply doesn't know or want to believe that a lodger is NOT a housemate.

What's the alarm doorbell thing? Do you mean extra bells so he can hear the door wherever he is? Or an extra bell just for him?

He definitely needs to go. And once gone, change the locks, don’t just get his key back. This all sounds very concerning to me

Fuck that shit! Get rid ASAP!

@birdie6. I'm a woman and asked to look at a flatshare that was near my job at the time. Male landlord replied to me that he had too much trouble with the last female and didn't want anymore female tenants. Didn't even get a look in 😂😂😂😂 looked nice from the photos though 😂😂

Reading this thread again, something about the doorbell alarms feels really weird to me, did you not have a doorbell before? Is it because he wanted alarms? It’s a lot of trouble and expense to go to for a lodger, why did he want them? I’d definitely do a sweep of the bedrooms too, is he expecting someone to come looking for him?

I don’t think it’s a Male or female thing, it’s a persons character. I’ve had mostly female but a couple of males & had no bother with the most.
I only had some small issues with a female but it wasn’t her gender just her complete ignorance & entitled attitude.

I have very few rules but explain the ones I have must be adhered to, no showering or bathing after 10pm & no noise or loud phone calls after this time - if you want to chat go downstairs & outside. I don’t take smokers either, I can smell it on their clothes a mile of & just don’t mention it but smokers make the house smell even if they don’t smoke indoors - did it once and never again

No one is this thick and wet and silly, surely? I'd have slung his arse out the second he started installing these doorbells. He locked you out of your house. Get the fuck rid of him.

I've just finished lodging (working away for 2 months) and I had my own fridge, cupboard and a shelf in the freezer. I only ate breakfast in the lounge and then dinner in my room.

Never watched the tv, even though I was invited to use lounge whenever I wanted. My landlady was lovely and said to treat it like home, but tbh I always felt a bit weird, especially when she had friends and family round. I just lived in my room when I wasn't working or out walking. I would never have dreamed of installing doorbells I paid £300/month.

Even if you gave him a couple of nights notice, it's not like there isn't Airbnb until he sorted out something else, so I wouldn't feel guilty.

Awe I think some people do prefer a certain gender though based on experiences. It works all ways round. You're exactly right about a person's character. I never took offence to the man basing tenants on gender but he did write all females off because of whatever happened. I ended up moving in with a lovely person and enjoyed their company too. It always starts off awkward and tiptoeing round and not wanting to be in each other's ways etc but soon came round. I think having clear boundaries also helped.

It sounds like he thinks it's a house share, rather than a lodger situation. In a house share this behaviour would be quite normal (except locking you out, of course!).
Is he from the UK? Even if he is, lodging is quite an old fashioned concept so he may not understand. Can you sit down and explain:
"XX, I want to talk to upu about how things are going. This is not a house-share. This is MY house. You are renting your room. You can use the kitchen between X and X o clock. You can keep your things in this cupboard. You have one bathroom shelf. You may not use the living room, that's mine but you can get a TV for your bedroom if you want. I've written the rules down for you. If you don't want this, you may prefer to look for a house-share."