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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 27/02/2019 09:23

This reply has been deleted

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pinkyredrose · 27/02/2019 09:31

Did you get rid of the doorbell? He thinks he's still in a houseshare.

SaucyJack · 27/02/2019 09:42

“no showering or bathing after 10pm”

Really? Going a bit far IMO.

I hope you gave a hefty discount off of the going rate for being so controlling over such every day activities as having a shower before bed.

MumW · 27/02/2019 09:46

He doesn't know the difference between lodger and flat share.
Point out to him that if it was a flat share and he had equal rights over the shated areas, he would be paying - quote half your mortgage + some.

This is your home, that is his room and he does not get to use your lounge, turn on your tv, make modifications to your flat without asking and getting your permission first.
Then tell him that he is clearly used to being in a flat share and as he doesn't understand lodger ettiquette, then this isn't going to work out and he needs to find alternative accomodation.

Put all his crap protein stuff in a cardboard box and dump it in his room.

Good luck.

angieloumc · 27/02/2019 09:51

It does seem like he's viewing it as a house share rather than as a lodger.
I would give him notice and just return any money to get rid of him. Good luck OP.

HappydaysArehere · 27/02/2019 09:54

He is taking the p...SS He is only going to get worse. Get rid or you will go mad.

DarlingNikita · 27/02/2019 10:02

Sorry, what, he refuses to turn down the TV when asked? He comes and puts the TV on without a word to you? He's installed a doorbell and alarms?? Confused

No, you're not being precious.

My lodger is also a friend and we spend a lot of time together at home, cooking, watching TV, chatting etc; we have a much more relaxed and friendly relationship than the kind where the lodger largely stays in their room. But still, I can't imagine her EVER doing anything like this.

Give him his notice.

TheInvestigator · 27/02/2019 10:04

I understand if you don’t want to give him notice whilst you’re alone, but seriously OP, sit him down tonight and explain that he is a lodger and this is not a house share, then explain what that means and tell him you’d like the kitchen cleared now and the living room is yours etc. If he doesn’t like it, he can leave.

RoastOx · 27/02/2019 10:07

"An hour of over 100 unanimous posts and not one acknowledgement that knows what she needs to do"

"Also why do single women have male lodgers?? I'll never understand that. Inviting a total male stranger to live in your home"

"You are clearly ignoring all the advice on here so not sure why you posted"

"just attention seeking"

"Attention seeking then"

"You sound so naive and lacking in boundaries"

"I'm fuming at the OP for being so stupid for allowing a lodger to treat her like that in her own home"

"Get a grip woman"

"I despair of some women. I really do"

This is one of the most aggressive threads I have seen on Mumsnet.

How are these comments supporting this woman who has found herself in this situation? Not everyone is as strong as you lot.

@NotAnIdiot I would imagine it would be a hell of a lot safer for her Boyfriend to be there when she confronts this stranger.

He could be a fucking murderer for all you know.

Awful, awful people on here

downcasteyes · 27/02/2019 10:23

You need to have a firm conversation about house rules, that starts something like this

"Hey, we need to have a talk, because from my perspective this isn't going very well and I feel that we need to get some ground rules straight. If you can't accept them, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We are not housemates in a shared house, you are my lodger, and my home needs to be treated with a bit more respect than you are currently showing.

Then present him with a written list of house rules that include storing things only in designated spaces in the kitchen, keeping TV and music noise down, especially after 10.30, etc etc etc.

HazelBite · 27/02/2019 10:27

I think people are being a little unfair to the op. This bloke is living in her house, he has a key, and seems to think he can do what he wants!
In her position I would feel nervous about confronting him or giving him his marching orders, he has already locked her out!!
I think she is right to tread carefully and wait until her BF is around.

I am also intrigued as to what these "alarms" are and the purpose of them?

E20mom · 27/02/2019 10:27

It just seems like he thinks he's in a house share rather than a lodger. Was this made explicit? I wonder if he knows the difference.

CabbageHippy · 27/02/2019 10:30

Why did he move in while you were out? Think it would of been sensible to have been there - did you meet him before he moved in?

Do you own the house are do you rent it & are renting him an additional room?

joyfullittlehippo · 27/02/2019 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 27/02/2019 10:39

I'd be giving him an eviction notice.

GingerSwan · 27/02/2019 10:40

CantStopMeNow I pay £350 for a 3 bedroom, semi detached house with huge garden and drive

It all depends on where in the UK you live, I’d fully expect to pay the OP’s prices if I moved to a city

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 27/02/2019 10:44

THis is ridiculous. You’re not being over sensitive. He’s taking the piss and thinks you’ll just let him. Up to you if you’re ok with that, I guess

GingerSwan · 27/02/2019 10:48

Would also be concerned about the alarm bells (incase he’s installed cameras) because why would he need multiple ones? It’s unreasonabke to even install one and have a bell in his room, who does he expect to be knocking for him?

It could be innocent due to him knowing he plays loud music (also unreasonable) but better to be safe than sorry

I don’t think he has a clue that lodging is different to a house share and just thought he’d found a bargain

Get rid politely OP

fetchmemyparasol · 27/02/2019 10:53

I would be worried incase he had installed cameras in other parts of the house, maybe he is a voyeur. covered up by calling it a alarm system .

Asta19 · 27/02/2019 10:54

Also why do single women have male lodgers?? I'll never understand that. Inviting a total male stranger to live in your home

I've rented out a room a few times over the years and generally my experience has been the males keep themselves to themselves and the women want to be "friends". I don't want to be friends, I don't want to share my house. I just want a lodger. Obviously OP's experience proves this isn't always the case! But I've found it to be so in general.

Also women have higher standards of cleanliness! Generally I keep on top of things but sometimes I just CBA. So things might build up for a day or two before I clean up. So I need someone who's not going to get annoyed by that. Last time I rented a room out a woman messaged me stating she had a very high standard of cleanliness. She probably saw it as a positive but straight away I thought, no, she wouldn't like it here!

lboogy · 27/02/2019 11:00

No way are you being unreasonable. He'd be out the first day! Also I wouldn't have a male lodger

HennyPennyHorror · 27/02/2019 11:02

Asta that was me who said that. I just wouldn't have a male lodger if I were a single woman. NO way in hell. Men commit more violent crimes than women...in fact more crimes full stop.

I would no way have that risk in my home. Granted, it's not ALL men but why elevate the risk to yourself?

whitehorsesdonotlie · 27/02/2019 11:31

How are these comments supporting this woman who has found herself in this situation? Not everyone is as strong as you lot.

Hear, hear, RoastOx. I quite agree.

It's much easier to tell people what to do from behind a computer screen than it is to actually do it in real life.

glutenfreepretzel · 27/02/2019 11:56

I always got female lodgers, and 2 of them also caused issues. Nothing as horrible as a rude lodger taking over your home. Ask the guy to leave, it's not working, but make it very very clear to the next one that they are paying for the room, kitchen and bathroom. Your living room is not part of the deal! It's a mistake I made as well. I know I'm being sexist, but I would really go for girls in the future.

FriteFuaite · 27/02/2019 12:16

“no showering or bathing after 10pm”

Really? Going a bit far IMO.

I hope you gave a hefty discount off of the going rate for being so controlling over such every day activities as having a shower before bed.

@SaucyJack

If I was looking to be a lodger and this was in the rules and it didn't suit me, I would just say no thanks and keep looking. A would-be lodger isn't forced to accept a room! Just move on and find somewhere that does allow showering after 10??

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