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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2019 22:48

I'd be very wary of going away for any length of time whilst he's still living there. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he's the sort to change the locks and somehow claim that he owns the place, squatter's rights or something, maybe call the police to have you arrested for being 'abusive' and 'threatening' towards him - like the CFs on the other thread who just decided to 'take over' somebody else's woodland.

Give him his marching orders ASAP - otherwise, you'll never feel safe either in your own home or leaving it to go on holiday.

caringcarer · 26/02/2019 22:49

Sorry but it isn't working out. Please move out by end of March. You might be better off with a female lodger.

SomeDayPerhaps · 26/02/2019 22:52

I'm a lodger (deposit saving). I treat my room as a bedsit. I eat in here, sleep in here, read in here, watch TV in here. I use the kitchen and bathroom only when I have to and try not to get in his way at all. He actually calls me "the ghost".

If I actually buy a house of my own and advertise for my own lodger I'll be listing exactly how I behaved as a lodger and saying it's only going to work if they're of the same opinion of what a lodger should behave like. Let's face it nobody lives like this unless they need the dough.

How long will it be before you're putting up with his friends too?

Fuck him off.

TheMaddHugger · 26/02/2019 22:54

Old saying applies here.

It is easier to ask forgiveness than seek permission.

He's going to try and try and take everything he possibly can.

It's up to you to say NO

AdaColeman · 26/02/2019 23:06

Change the locks immediately after he has gone, he sounds like the type who would have extra keys cut.

oldowlgirl · 26/02/2019 23:13

Agree with the others Op - he sounds like he's exerting his dominance & unless guy stop him now, it'll only get worse. It's your home, so he either abides by your rules or he leaves. Hope you're ok.

oldowlgirl · 26/02/2019 23:13
  • you, not guy!
DishingOutDone · 26/02/2019 23:22

Why on earth would you put yourself in this position? You sound so naive and lacking in boundaries Sad. When your boyfriend comes over he needs to stay put until this wankbadger is gone.

Fizzorgin · 26/02/2019 23:22

I'm not totally understanding why you think you ABU?? He's a LODGER. He lives by your rules else he moves out surely??

Apart from the fact he's taken over the entirety of YOUR living area, he's put in tech you neither agreed to nor authorised. (Talking about the doorbell etc)

If he was my lodger he'd be out on his arse with a weeks notice. Lodgers don't benefit from the same protection as tenants of a property.

Get him gone he's a CF Cunt.

IncrediblySadToo · 26/02/2019 23:26

I was 😮 at your original list, BUT you asked him to move his stuff out of the kitchen and he said NO. WTAF. HE actually said NO. 😳. I’d have told him there and then that this wasn’t going to work out so best he found a new place.

What things have other people said you were precious about?

Notanidiot · 26/02/2019 23:28

I think I am getting more cantankerous as I get older. I've only read a couple of the pages of this thread but can't read anymore as I'm fuming at the OP for being so stupid for allowing a lodger to treat her like that in her own home. Then to come and ask a forum if she is unreasonable not to like the said treatment.

Get a grip woman!

As some have said he has no rights. YOU DO!

Don't engage with him further. Take the day off and change the locks. Depending on the type of lock you can do it yourself without the need for an expensive locksmith.

Then pack up his stuff and just before you know he is due back put the stuff outside for him to cart off.

Simple. You just have stop being a doormat.

Katgurl · 26/02/2019 23:29

This thread has brought up bad lodger memories for me. None this bad but two guys who lived with me separately and seemed very confused about the hierarchy.

Tell him tomorrow he has to go if you have a friend to come stay.

Notanidiot · 26/02/2019 23:31

And you don't need to wait for a boyfriend to come and be at your side to get rid of the lodger.

I despair of some women. I really do.

rosablue · 26/02/2019 23:31

The doorbell bits he's put up = do any of them have any cameras in? Has he been into your room and taken anything or put anything up in there? Ditto the bathroom(s). I would be checking very very carefully...

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/02/2019 23:37

There is already something threatening sounding about him. I'd be very uncomfortable with him in the house. People are right to question the alarms.. that's just wierd.
I'd lock up your belongings, evict him asap as soon as your boyfriend can come round and as everyone's said "Change the locks."
It sounds like he's making you feel unsafe and also that he does not know the meaning of the word no.

RebootYourEngine · 26/02/2019 23:39

I don't know how you have put up with it for as long as you have. He would have been out the first day if it was me.

Italiangreyhound · 26/02/2019 23:40

Ask him t leave and when you get a new lodger set out clearly what is and is not included.

Is he entitled to use the lounge and TV, if so then it is not unreasonable to do so even if you are eating.

However, all the other things you mentioned are very annoying and wrong. I'd also have a clause in any agreement that says the first three or six months are a trial.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/02/2019 23:47

I don't think OP is unreasonable to wait till her boyfriend is round before telling this lodger to leave. I'm a tough old buzzard and would probably have given him his marching orders already but OP sounds gentle and a bit timid - and let's not forget that this bloke is, by the sound of it, a gym nut so probably physically large and intimidating. Also, one doesn't fuck with steroid users without some backup.

Itssosunny · 26/02/2019 23:48

He is arrogant and strange. Get rid off asap. He must have broken all the tenants' rules. I hope you have rules in his room. Also contact CAB for an advise about his and your rights. It's important to do it the right way but do get rid off him asap. He is clearly not right in his head.

Fishwifecalling · 26/02/2019 23:55

Print out the list of rules and give it to him saying that you think he needs this as a reminder because he's overstepped a lot of the boundaries of landlady/lodger. Ask him if he's confused with a house share. Say it with a smile but finish with a steely "please make sure you stick to the rules or it's not going to work out and you'll have to find alternative accommodation."

CantStopMeNow · 27/02/2019 00:06

I charge £400 pcm when a share would be closer to £500 - £550 to reflect this
I pay £350 pcm for a full one bedroom flat..........

Littlechocola · 27/02/2019 00:13

Be really careful op. Even if it comes up in conversation let a trusted person know that you are potentially about to piss him off.

ToeDust · 27/02/2019 00:14

I pay less than £400 for a 2 bed house with gardens and a drive! I know it depends where you live but I'd be crying if I had to pay £400 to lodge!

Hayden555 · 27/02/2019 00:17

With lodging the price usually includes bills ... So £400 is rent, utilities, council tax etc ... Much cheaper than house share or renting alone.

RockinHippy · 27/02/2019 00:23

Yikes, 😐 this won't get better.

I've a friend who once had a lodger just like this. She'd come home to a full size jukebox taking up her living room & other such toys. The final straw came when she came home to find him on all 4s shagging a girl in her living room

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