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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
Belenus · 27/02/2019 22:06

And you don't need to wait for a boyfriend to come and be at your side to get rid of the lodger.

I despair of some women. I really do.

Really? You despair of some women who might find a man physically intimidating and not want to confront him on her own? I'm not a wuss or a pushover. But I would be careful in these circumstances. He could easily turn nasty and chances are he's physically capable of overpowering the OP.

PrestonsFlowers · 27/02/2019 22:07

Should have proof read. I meant a different lodger

ssd · 27/02/2019 22:11

This is giving me the creeps actually
I hope you have a boyfriend /dad/brother who can stand up for you?

ssd · 27/02/2019 22:13

Missed update sorry

nettie434 · 27/02/2019 22:20

Scrabbled That looks like progress. Long may it continue! Raising a glass Wine! I love the idea of the lodger reading Mumsnet. Looks as if you have got your message across - hope so.

RockinHippy · 27/02/2019 22:22

*And you don't need to wait for a boyfriend to come and be at your side to get rid of the lodger.

I despair of some women. I really do.*

I'd bet not half as much as I despair of silly naive women like yourself 🙄

Been there, done that & I turned down a male escort when going into a difficult work situation as I was sure I could cope on my own. Ended up held at knifepoint by a factory owner for a couple of hours as a result. I was ridiculously naive too. If this was a man, having back up would still be a good idea. It's idiotic to think otherwise

appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 22:22

Why would he be reading mumsnet though? That would be a very weird coincidence. Do you access mumsnet on a computer that's in the house?
Otherwise it just suggests he knew perfectly well that he was being inappropriate and thought he could just intimidate you. I'd still be getting rid of him.

flowergrrl77 · 27/02/2019 22:31

Glad to read the update! Was getting rather worried when you’d not come back! Keep us posted xx good luck!

Bentleybottom · 27/02/2019 22:34

You're certainly NBU...im with the majority, he needs to get the hell out of your house and stop abusing your obvious good nature!! Perhaps if you want to take in another lodger after this one, who quite clear is overstepping every boundary. Maybe you could draw up some 'clear and precise' house rules. Make sure your potential lodger reads and agrees to all your stipulations and put a laminated copy (i know its very boarding house) on back of their bedroom door. That way they'll be no mistaking what us expected from them. Good luck 🍀

EachandEveryone · 27/02/2019 22:40

If hes rectified everything that was upsetting the OP then theres no need to kick him out surely?

Happynow001 · 27/02/2019 22:40

Thanks EnglishRose.

FedUpParent · 27/02/2019 22:42

Catmum26 Cumbria Grin middle of nowhere haha

FedUpParent · 27/02/2019 22:43

I’ve watched far too many movies because I can’t help but think there’d be cameras in the alarms and a camera in the new bathroom mirror Confused

Motoko · 27/02/2019 22:49

Of course he's not a Mumsnetter!

I still think you should tell him he needs to go though, OP.

In future, instead of assuming potential lodgers know the rules, give them a list in writing, including that the living room is your private room.

Motoko · 27/02/2019 22:54

If hes rectified everything that was upsetting the OP then theres no need to kick him out surely?

Well, OP could give him another chance, but the fact that he was very comfortable saying no to her, when she asked him to put his protein in his room, would be enough to make me feel uncomfortable having him in the house. Not to mention all the other things he's done, in the space of just 3 days (when OP first posted) after moving in.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/02/2019 23:09

Is he quite young? It's possible that, if he's an insensitive spoilt brat rather than an abusive bully, someone's put him straight - eg he phoned his mum and was all 'wah, the landlady complained bout the doorbell and me watching telly and leeaving stuff all over the kitchen' and his mum said, son, you're a lodger, the house belongs to the landlady, you have to abide by what she says - and he's seen sense because he doesn't want to move...

ahagwearsapointybonnet · 27/02/2019 23:11

Maybe his mum's a mumsnetter Grin

SpiralHecate · 27/02/2019 23:23

Even if he's made this token effort to behave you should still ask him to leave. Installing alarms and asking for mirrors is dodgy as hell, and I would check for hidden cameras. Let him stay and he'll be pushing your boundaries again before long. Get your boyfriend to back you up and give him notice, don't budge no matter what he promises.

SandAndSea · 27/02/2019 23:36

Glad you're OK, OP and that he's tidied his act up a bit.

I echo PPs who suggest having someone with you if you decide to speak to him. He sounds very unreasonable to me and the combination of traits concerns me. (Unreasonable, entitled, impulsive, disrespectful, crossing boundaries, the saying no and the shakes which make me think of steroids.)

Btw, imo, you're entitled to be precious (not that I think you are) in your own house and if a lodger doesn't like it, they can leave.

Pashal2 · 27/02/2019 23:54

What exactly is a lodger? Are you his land lord or his roommate? Have you put into writing and or verbally explained to him the rules of the residence? You didn't appear to do this.

RockinHippy · 28/02/2019 00:18

@Pashal2 a lodger is sort of a cross between the 2. You are both landlord & house mate. Which changes things legally meaning the lodger has less rights if they pee off the landlord/lady

Jux · 28/02/2019 00:46

You're going to hang on to him until Friday??! Can't you just tell him it's not going to work and he has to go, tomorrow morning?

Missmother · 28/02/2019 00:55

Maybe he’s a drug dealer and this is why he wants cameras? Otherwise it’s weird that it’s your house and yet he wants cameras so that he knows whose comingHmm

RockinHippy · 28/02/2019 01:38

WTAF are you on about Mother, nobody but you mentioned cameras Confused

Missmother · 28/02/2019 01:39

I thought he put cameras or something at the front door?

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