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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New lodger taking over my house!!!

496 replies

scrabbled · 26/02/2019 20:08

Ahhh not sure if I'm being unreasonable as my last lodger kept himself very to himself and I know I was lucky.

New lodger moved in Saturday, but I was away.

He is taking over my house!!

  • has installed a doorbell with alarms all over the house without asking me
  • keeps his bedroom door open whilst blaring out rubbish heavy metal music
  • has filled all available work spaces with protein and supplements and squeezed my stuff onto a tiny shelf
  • stays up until the early hours watching tv in he living room and refusing to turn it down.
  • kept his keys in the door so that when I got home from work I was locked out, as he was in the shower.

I've just been sitting quietly eating dinner and he has come in and turned on the TV and started watching something.

AIBU here? And if I'm not how do I tell him where the boundaries are?

OP posts:
Mortgages · 27/02/2019 12:50

Yes finding this hilarious
I’m in a busy Birmingham and not finding it easy to find a lodger and I’m very easy going! It really is area dependent when finding lodgers
My current lodger is able to use the living room, shower when she wants, use the kitchen and last weekend we went for cocktails
I do sometimes miss having place to myself but then I’m charging a good amount so she needs to be able to feel at home too!
Sadly she’s foreign and moving back home soon so I’m looking again.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/02/2019 13:19

I 💗 my lodger. Couldn’t have a better one.

The sitting room is for my exclusive use though (which was stated in advance) but there is a big kitchen / diner / living space.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/02/2019 13:21

I don’t have any rules about kitchen or bathroom times tho! 😂

BlueSkiesLies · 27/02/2019 13:24

"Also why do single women have male lodgers?? I'll never understand that. Inviting a total male stranger to live in your home"

Because it’s often men travelling for work which suits a weekday lodging situation?

Because most men aren’t bad people?

Because you’re more likely to be raped by a man you are currently or used to have sex with consensual, than by anyone else?

Missmother · 27/02/2019 14:29

He is taking the piss and he sounds like he will eventually take over your house, maybe one day you’ll get home and the locks will be changed.

What a complete bastard, get a couple of men to go round to your and ‘help him on his way’, it’s too late to be polite.

Utter cuntAngry

MiniCooperLover · 27/02/2019 14:59

Missmother that's a hugely extreme reaction to a thread that is basically a lodger misreading how much apace he's allowed to use.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2019 16:21

He's not misreading at all.
He's being aggressive and taking over.
Who TF installs alarms etc... in someone else's house!??
That is not OK and way over stepping boundaries.

Crappygilmore · 27/02/2019 17:20

Ahhh this years cancel the cheque.

Happynow001 · 27/02/2019 17:26

I've seen "cancel the cheque" often. What does it mean please?

EnglishRose13 · 27/02/2019 17:43

@Happynow001

It refers to an old thread where the OP was told her wedding gift wasn't a large enough amount (I think) so posters repeatedly told the OP to cancel her cheque, despite the OP saying it had already been cashed.

Helpmelmaooo · 27/02/2019 17:46

Is there a tenancy agreement? If not then I would just explain that it's not working and ask him to leave. If there is a contract I would sit him down and just reiterate to him that he's renting one room, not your whole house to do as he pleases and could he please move his things to the room outlined in his contract and do not touch/change/rearrange anything without permission. If he can't keep to that then serve notice.

Snog · 27/02/2019 17:46

You can say that now that he has been here a few days there are some issues which you need to bring up.
List the behaviours you do not expect and tell him what you do expect.
Eg your loud music is not acceptable to me, I do not want to hear any music so please either listen quietly in your bedroom so that I cannot hear it from outside the bedroom or on headphones.

You will need to keep your protein powders in your own room or in your allocated storage cupboard in the kitchen. I do not want to put up any new mirrors or to have extra doorbells or any other changes to my house.

If you are not happy to accept my rules you will need to move out by the end of the week as I am not used to so many issues arising with a lodger.

jnakiwala82 · 27/02/2019 17:51

I went through something similar, and I gave my lodger a months notice after the first month. No negotiations!!

Sydney3 · 27/02/2019 17:52

He needs to go. It’s bad enough when family members move in for a short stay. Think you are asking for trouble allowing him to stay

WillWisbey · 27/02/2019 17:52

Best thing is to resolve it amicably.

In a non-confrontational way say that you either don't want to rent the room out any more (a friend or relative coming to stay). Or point out that he is being unreasonable (he is) and you would like to serve him notice.

A lot will depend on the type of contract you have with him. The law has changed to protect vulnerable tenants, but unfortunately it now protects people like him. While he is in situ and within contract it is very difficult if he decides he doesn't want to go.

I have had a lodger who trashed my house when he left. So definitely try and keep it reasonable.

If he proves resistant to leave reply to me. I am an estate agent and a landlord so can help. If you have no contract, then it is a potentially very difficult situation. If you have one, you are relatively safe unless he is very unreasonable.

stargazerlil · 27/02/2019 17:57

I have had various lodgers over the years, some angels and some not.
On 2 occasions I have had to ask them to leave.
My advice is rather than read the riot act, make an excuse, invent a family drama and say you have a family member who due to unforeseen, awful circumstance desperately needs the room and you very sadly need him to leave in 1 weeks time and how sorry you are.
Act like butter wouldn't melt and don't give him any reason to see you as out of order or the aggressor.
Meanwhile you have very right to take down those alarms and move his stuff in the kitchen or put it in his room ask him to kindly turn his music down and you don't have to explain yourself to him or give a reason, its your house not his. The alarms are probably ruining your decor and that's a good enough reason.
I went through the exact situation and tried to get in my front door lodger was sitting on the sofa asleep and had deliberately left her keys in the door. She probably wanted an undisturbed nap but still its absolutely not on.
Good luck

michaelT1 · 27/02/2019 17:58

Well when I read your post.....I cringed! This is so rude and unacceptable, you have 2 choices really..throw him out and move on or sit him down and make house rules,making clear it's your home and he must accept house rules etc, good luck ! I think personally he is just very rude,your home is your castle and no one should ever make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.Maybe you can teach him how to be a mature,polite responsible adult........or maybe not!

stargazerlil · 27/02/2019 17:59

Also just to add, as he's not respecting you.
You have no duty to try to be honest with him as to why he has to go.
If he has lessons to learn on boundaries thats not your responsibility.
Just make it easy for yourself on this occasion

YoThePussy · 27/02/2019 18:01

I have a feeling the OP is going to come home to a large mirror that has been installed despite her saying no. Possibly surrounded by beard clippings.

OP do hope you are alright and staying strong where your lodger is concerned. The sooner your partner can come home and assist you in ejecting the lodger the better.

Februaryblooms · 27/02/2019 18:04

God knows why some posters are having a go at the OP, what is it she has done wrong here? She rented out her spare room with the best of intentions, it's hardly her fault that the bloke turned out to be a CF.

I'm in agreement with others who've said he's probably not clear on the difference between a lodger and a housemate, that being said If I were you I don't think I'd feel comfortable living with him after things were clarified as he sounds like a bit of a twat.

ComeMonday · 27/02/2019 18:05

We pay over £5K per month for a large flat in central London. There are huge variations in housing costs based on location, home spec, demand, and other intangible factors. What does any of this have to do with the OP’s situation?

littlewhitething · 27/02/2019 18:06

I'm guessing this twat is still in situ? Yanbu. Get rid of him, politely if possible but any way you can otherwise

TriciaH87 · 27/02/2019 18:09

Sit him down tell him that its your home he is staying in and set some ground rules. Tell him if he cannot live by them he is free to go and if he agrees to them and breaks them kick him out.

GeeksCanBeMumsToo · 27/02/2019 18:09

YANBU and I think you’ve got the right approach. Let us know how you get on Friday. X

Susanwendy · 27/02/2019 18:15

Get rid, cheeky twat has no idea about boundaries or respect come to that, it's your home not his.

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