To be shocked by what ‘friend’ did at my party?

[DannyOD]

Ok, this may be long but I don’t want to drip feed.

I had a ‘Games Night’ on Saturday. My ds (21), his girlfriend (21), dd (19) her boyfriend (21), dd’s best friend (19), her boyfriend (19) me and best friends Mum (in our 40s). I am friendly with this woman but we only met through our Dds and I doubt we would have become friends otherwise.

Anyway, we were playing a silly drinking card game of Dd’s. You had to read instructions off of card and do them. One was grab something beginning with D. I grabbed the dog, ds the door etc when my ‘friend’ reached out and grabbed Dd’s Boyfriends penis!!! He shouted something like Wow - I wasn’t expecting that!!!! And looked a bit awkward. I was mortified but everyone was laughing so I didn’t want to make a scene.

I thought it was totally out of order and if it had been a man doing it to a young girl I am sure everyone would have been horrified!!! Or am I overreacting??

You dont think.someone who was shocked by an adult secually assaulting them in a supposedly safe situation wouldnt want others to support them? That if its the mother of a friend who did it you would feel not only embarrassed and violated but wonder wtf do i say/do?

Are you on glue?

If this wss your 21yr old daughter would you be telling her to just desl with it herself or get over herself its no big deal?

If someone sexualy assaulted another person in my house i would be shocked and angry too. Anyone who.wouldnt be has something seriously wrong with them.

Its up to all of us to stsnd up against sexual assault against anyone regsrdless of thie sex of the victim. Men have the right to body autonomy just as much as women do.

With your comment about a 'womans penis' i suspect you are just being a wind up merchsnt. If it was your son i would hope you would react differently but sadly i suspect not.

With something like that you've got to know it's acceptable in the company that you keep.

She didn't, so it was wrong.

OP, I'd have to speak to her about it. Any arseyness from her and I'd drop her. It should be an apology.

It doesn't sound as though you really get on, I'd start to distance myself.

I would say to your Dd’s Bf that you were disturbed by what the woman did and it was wrong that he was treated like that. And ask him if he is OK.

He may also be confused because if the socialisation that it’s different if the sexed are reversed, that makes are ‘up for it’ and likely to be grateful for any sexual attention, and the lack of publicity and discourse around older Women groping men. I would understand if men felt they couldn’t speak out for fear of being mocked.

See the piece in tne Guardian by Courttia Newland about the treatment of black men by some older white women, for example.

I don't think this is equivalent to a similar scenario where the sexes are reversed. (Possibly it is legally, but not in other respects.)

Is that because of what he was wearing? Because he'd been drinking? Or any of the other bullshit excuses people use to try and turn the blame, or part thereof, onto the victim?

Or just because he's male? Because a 40yo sexually assaulting a 21yo is unacceptable regardless of male/female ffs.

A predatory man touching a much younger woman under the guise of a game or a joke would quite right see outrage, so it's perfectly right that most people see this no differently.

Yuk!

Nothing is ever a direct equivalent, but that doesn’t make it any more acceptable.

Men, overall have more power in society, women are socialised to put up with shit, whereas young men are taught to be ‘polite’ to Women and that women are weaker : more fragile , so they may find it harder to tell a woman where to get off in this situation. Especially in the context of people dismissing things like this as not as important.