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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shocked by what ‘friend’ did at my party?

156 replies

DannyOD · 25/02/2019 16:29

Ok, this may be long but I don’t want to drip feed.

I had a ‘Games Night’ on Saturday. My ds (21), his girlfriend (21), dd (19) her boyfriend (21), dd’s best friend (19), her boyfriend (19) me and best friends Mum (in our 40s). I am friendly with this woman but we only met through our Dds and I doubt we would have become friends otherwise.

Anyway, we were playing a silly drinking card game of Dd’s. You had to read instructions off of card and do them. One was grab something beginning with D. I grabbed the dog, ds the door etc when my ‘friend’ reached out and grabbed Dd’s Boyfriends penis!!! He shouted something like Wow - I wasn’t expecting that!!!! And looked a bit awkward. I was mortified but everyone was laughing so I didn’t want to make a scene.

I thought it was totally out of order and if it had been a man doing it to a young girl I am sure everyone would have been horrified!!! Or am I overreacting??

OP posts:
manicmij · 26/02/2019 23:53

Not on. Assault comes to mind.

Willow2017 · 27/02/2019 01:01

I don't think this is equivalent to a similar scenario where the sexes are reversed. (Possibly it is legally, but not in other respects)

WTF?
How could it be not ok.legally but ok in 'other respects'?
So you think its ok to sexually assault men but not women?
Of course men are protected by law against sexual assault.
In what universe wouldit be ok to sexually assault a young man?

nos123 · 27/02/2019 01:33

Most of the people there were 21, so capable of standing up for themselves...I don’t think they’re “that young” to handle any retort if they found it unreasonable.

I’m 21 myself. Though I don’t think it’s very classy nor respectful, I wouldn’t be traumatised by such an event.

Smotheroffive · 27/02/2019 01:58

It's grotesque! There's no way its ok, or legal, to grab someone's genitals!

She's a 40 yo woman, his DMs age! So many boundaries crossed!

She is quite something. I'd steer well clear, feel quite sickened reading that.

Smotheroffive · 27/02/2019 02:04

Even blind drunk id never grab any man like that, even my DH...its ignorant and offensive not to mention mortifying.

I don't get the normalising going on here.

I do hope he wants to report her for assault, and any that think it's normal.hope you think twice about where you might end up doing this sort of thing!

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2019 07:49

For those of you who think it's trivial, how would you feel if your DS was the one it happened to? And if his assailant was a similar age to his DM? Hmm

Handprints2018 · 27/02/2019 08:08

Awful behaviour. You need to speak to your dd/her dp and make it clear friend was a disgrace. If it was me, i wouldn't have anything more to dk with her.

That must have mad things awkward between you dp/her dd and the woman's d/her dp.

Handprints2018 · 27/02/2019 08:09

Afterward i mean. Like the days after

LovingLola · 27/02/2019 08:12

Most of the people there were 21, so capable of standing up for themselves...I don’t think they’re “that young” to handle any retort if they found it unreasonable.

Are you having a laugh ??
Glad to know that if a drunk man in his 40s grabbed your genitalia in the giuse of playing a game, that you would be able to retort.

NC4Now · 27/02/2019 08:14

A few people asking how drunk she was. That has no bearing on anything and isn’t any kind of excuse.

finn1020 · 27/02/2019 08:19

That’s so wrong, it’s sexual assault.

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2019 08:27

I'm not sure why you were both sitting playing drinking games with a bunch of kids, why not leave them to it.

But of course her behaviour was unacceptable, made worse by the age difference and lack of a strong friendship between the two.

longwayoff · 27/02/2019 08:43

Dear me. How did the evening progress after that?

ralfeesmum · 27/02/2019 11:19

This is surely a sexual assault.

If a guy had groped a girls breasts on the pretext it was "a game" he would deserve to be reported to the police, IMHO.

ShowMeTheKittens · 27/02/2019 12:53

That is actually an assault, very aggressive nasty woman.
It was done to upset your daughter and you. She is jeeeeealouuuus.

WillWisbey · 27/02/2019 18:56

Not going to lie, this happened to me in a conga line with a neighbor's wife going for a full on squeeze when I was 17. Different times, I didn't say anything to anyone. I can hardly say I was traumatized, but I was confused about it and what I should do about it for a long time. Not acceptable behavior at all.

TakeNoSHt · 27/02/2019 22:06

That is disgusting, silly woman trying to be cool! Poor kids were probably shocked and didn’t know what to do. Yes if it was a man doing something similar to a girl they would be uproar.

TakeNoSHt · 27/02/2019 22:07

there would be

Moominfan · 27/02/2019 22:09

That's horrific, poor guy

exaltedwombat · 27/02/2019 22:45

Thoroughly inappropriate. Not worth making a fuss. Yes, there ARE double standards for men and women.

Willow2017 · 27/02/2019 23:00

FFS No wonder male abuse goes unreported if people think its "not worth making a fuss over".

Yes it is. Its no different from abusing a female. Men shouldn't have to accept it any more than women should. No excuse for double standatds at all.

Pashal2 · 27/02/2019 23:01

I guess everyone would be shocked if a man grabbed a young woman's penis...

LimeKiwi · 27/02/2019 23:08

Not worth making a fuss

Wow. It's assault, FFS!

Like the pp said - no wonder males sometimes don't report abuse with views like that out there Angry

Pashal2 · 27/02/2019 23:14

Actually, isn't it up to the adult who had the experience to speak up? Seems like there are people looking at their watches waiting to be outraged by something they experienced. Now people want to co-opt and take over the emotional experiences of others. Get your own. If the person isn't outraged and ready to tear the world apart with mock outrage and made up "what if" scenarios wtf is anyone else to do so? He's 21. He knows how he feels or doesn't feel about what happens to him. Let him lead the charge and support his decision. That seems better than projecting oneself into someone elses experiences and making up what if... scenarios

LimeKiwi · 27/02/2019 23:15

who's making up what if scenarios? Confused

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