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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by what ‘friend’ did at my party?

156 replies

DannyOD · 25/02/2019 16:29

Ok, this may be long but I don’t want to drip feed.

I had a ‘Games Night’ on Saturday. My ds (21), his girlfriend (21), dd (19) her boyfriend (21), dd’s best friend (19), her boyfriend (19) me and best friends Mum (in our 40s). I am friendly with this woman but we only met through our Dds and I doubt we would have become friends otherwise.

Anyway, we were playing a silly drinking card game of Dd’s. You had to read instructions off of card and do them. One was grab something beginning with D. I grabbed the dog, ds the door etc when my ‘friend’ reached out and grabbed Dd’s Boyfriends penis!!! He shouted something like Wow - I wasn’t expecting that!!!! And looked a bit awkward. I was mortified but everyone was laughing so I didn’t want to make a scene.

I thought it was totally out of order and if it had been a man doing it to a young girl I am sure everyone would have been horrified!!! Or am I overreacting??

OP posts:
Gone4Good · 25/02/2019 17:13

She is lucky she didn't get punched.

ItsABeautifulDayNow · 25/02/2019 17:13

Ugh gross. As everyone says if this was a man to a woman (of any ages) it would be considered at the least shocking and upsetting and at worst assault. So so gross.

Margot33 · 25/02/2019 17:21

That's sexual assault. If a person touched my daughter's vagina I would say that's unacceptable.

SuchAToDo · 25/02/2019 17:25

Op that is so inappropriate, you may have felt too shocked to say anything when it happened , but that doesn't mean you can't get your daughter, her bf and all the others back round for a chat about consent, and how it wasn't right what happened (it's sexual assault) and that if the bf wants to go to the police he has your 100% support...

I imagine he probably feels dirty and sick and violated, embarrassed, ashamed and angry...just like anyone else would if someone twice their age grabbed their genitals through their clothes in front of a room full of people...

Op i wouldn't let this pass without saying something, you need to say something because he and the others may feel that they can't speak up about it

BarbedBloom · 25/02/2019 17:26

Absolutely disgusting and I would have gone ballistic as either the mother or the daughter. I would ask your daughter how her boyfriend is feeling about it, but would feel I had to say something to my friend.

Meralia · 25/02/2019 17:28

What was she thinking? That’s horrendous on so many levels. Did she seem ashamed or embarrassed after??

Awful.

thecutecouple · 25/02/2019 17:29

Hmm All very strange and inappropriate.

Lndnmummy · 25/02/2019 17:31

Sounds like you were underreacting if anything as you didn’t say anything. Totally unacceptable and you are being very unreasonable not to say anything.

recrudescence · 25/02/2019 17:36

If I’ve got the set-up right, this woman is the mother of your daughter’s best friend? What does she - the best friend - think about all this?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 25/02/2019 17:43

Did she actually make physical contact or was it hovering around the general area?

glamorousgrandmother · 25/02/2019 17:47

Totally unacceptable and you are being very unreasonable not to say anything.
That's a bit unfair it's normal to be a bit stunned and lost for words when something like that happens. It's easy to think of the right thing to say after the event.

Omzlas · 25/02/2019 18:15

She sounds vile. She also wouldn't be invited to anything in the future

Blackbear10 · 25/02/2019 18:21

Have you spoke to your DD and her BF yet?

How do they feel about it and what action would they like you to take?

I think you should make it clear he has your absolute support if he wishes to report the assault.

Surfskatefamily · 25/02/2019 18:54

Next time you see him maybe have a word to let him know you didnt think it was ok and if hes feeling ok? Poor lad must have had a shock there, no idea what 'friend' was thinking doing that

FermatsTheorem · 25/02/2019 19:08

That's horrible behaviour, and yes, sexual assault.

I was about to say what Surfs just said - next time you see him, say how awful you thought it was, and apologise for not doing anything at the time - say you were so shocked you didn't know how to react and in retrospect probably didn't handle it well.

Crunchymum · 25/02/2019 19:14

Was it D for dick?

Did you continue the evening after this?

YetAnotherThing · 25/02/2019 19:15

I agree with PP that you now need to ‘adult’ the situation. Speak to him and your dd and see what they feel and apologise for not calling her out on it but lend your support to however he wants to play it. Also offer to speak to her directly. Her own dd must have been horrified to see her mum grope her mate’s bf. has she said anything to your dd?

Littlechocola · 25/02/2019 19:18

Shock I can’t believe no one said anything! You, him, her daughter!

Surely it wouldn’t even cross your mind to grab that!

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/02/2019 19:20

What did her daughter do/say???

My God, it's just so weird. Creepy.

FlamingoandUnicorn · 25/02/2019 19:52

I've just spotted this in The Mirror! I read the thread earlier, then was looking up something online and one of the links at the bottom of the screen led me to this.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/mum-mortified-friends-incredibly-inappropriate-14052325

PettyContractor · 25/02/2019 19:53

I don't think this is equivalent to a similar scenario where the sexes are reversed. (Possibly it is legally, but not in other respects.)

RaffertyFair · 25/02/2019 19:56

PettyContractor

I don't think this is equivalent to a similar scenario where the sexes are reversed.(Possibly it is legally, but not in other respects.)

Eh??? What on earth do you mean?

howisit47 · 25/02/2019 20:00

It's in The Mirror online

TitsAndTomatoes · 25/02/2019 20:10

I wouldnt call it inappropriate.
Id call it sexual assault.

Sorry but I'm absolutely disgusted. Id personally never invite this woman around ever again, and if anything, id speak to your DDs bf and see if hes okay. Hes a young man. He may have laughed it off because he didnt want to make it a big deal, but he may be feeling like shit inside.

She's very, very lucky he's not already pressed charges for sexual assualt.

Chickychoccyegg · 25/02/2019 20:14

could there be any be any chance he was wearing jeans and she was going "D for Denim"? but grabbed an inappropriate area wirhout thinking?