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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by what ‘friend’ did at my party?

156 replies

DannyOD · 25/02/2019 16:29

Ok, this may be long but I don’t want to drip feed.

I had a ‘Games Night’ on Saturday. My ds (21), his girlfriend (21), dd (19) her boyfriend (21), dd’s best friend (19), her boyfriend (19) me and best friends Mum (in our 40s). I am friendly with this woman but we only met through our Dds and I doubt we would have become friends otherwise.

Anyway, we were playing a silly drinking card game of Dd’s. You had to read instructions off of card and do them. One was grab something beginning with D. I grabbed the dog, ds the door etc when my ‘friend’ reached out and grabbed Dd’s Boyfriends penis!!! He shouted something like Wow - I wasn’t expecting that!!!! And looked a bit awkward. I was mortified but everyone was laughing so I didn’t want to make a scene.

I thought it was totally out of order and if it had been a man doing it to a young girl I am sure everyone would have been horrified!!! Or am I overreacting??

OP posts:
ALargeGinPlease · 25/02/2019 20:26

I echo what pp have said about apologising to the boy that you were so shocked at the time, you didn't act then, but if he wants to take it further he has your complete support.

user1473878824 · 25/02/2019 21:07

As much as I would love to believe she was going for denim I think it’s pretty clear what happened. I second everyone saying apologise to him and say you were so shocked you didn’t know what to do. I would also text her and say how inappropriate it was and that she really needs to apologise.

mamato3lads · 25/02/2019 21:10

Nah
Attention seeking / desperate
Wouldn't be mates with her for long, how weird

TheInvestigator · 25/02/2019 21:14

First off, in your shoes, I would be sending a message to my daughter's boyfriend to apologise for the behaviour of my friend and for not speaking up at the time and assure him that you will not let him be put in a situation like that again when he is in your home. I'd say that I hope he's ok etc.

Then, I would be speaking to the friend to tell her that now that I had time to process it and calm down I want to tell her that it was wrong, inappropriate and could be called assault and for those reason, she won't be welcome at any further gatherings. Then I'd hand up and refuse to enageg with her any further on the topic.

covetingthepreciousthings · 25/02/2019 21:29

It's in The Mirror online

That was quick!

Agree with all the other posters OP, totally inappropriate and weird, wouldn't be friends with her much longer.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2019 21:34

You didn’t say anything? I’m shocked at that tbh OP. Something not quite right with anyone that does that.

MumUnderTheMoon · 25/02/2019 22:53

Yuk disgusting if you had been grabbing things beginning with v would they have all laughed if she'd grabbed someone by the vagina?

HennyPennyHorror · 25/02/2019 22:55

D is for Dick.

Filbert7 · 25/02/2019 22:58

could there be any be any chance he was wearing jeans and she was going "D for Denim"? but grabbed an inappropriate area wirhout thinking?

Ffs Confused

Although at least it's a fresh new take on 'well what was the victim wearing?'

LovingLola · 25/02/2019 22:59

So did the game just continue on? Or what ?

Filbert7 · 25/02/2019 23:03

Yuk disgusting if you had been grabbing things beginning with v would they have all laughed if she'd grabbed someone by the vagina?
Depends where this took place. If in the US, they'd have elected her president.

MashedSpud · 25/02/2019 23:15

Next time opt for Yahtzee and definitely avoid Twister.

ddl1 · 26/02/2019 17:29

WOW, that's awful behaviour. Sexual harrassment. Reminds me a bit of what Trump claimed to be able to do to women. It's not really any better when a woman does it to a man.

Fatasfook · 26/02/2019 17:39

She is probably scarlet with shame about this and rightly so. She really should apologise

oilLovesChuck · 26/02/2019 17:44

This reply has been deleted

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Annewilko4 · 26/02/2019 17:53

That's awful. If a fella done that... It's sexual assault. I'm pretty sure the young guy was horrified and wasn't quite sure how to react.

TriciaH87 · 26/02/2019 17:54

Personally i would have a chat and say to her if i had grabbed your daughters boyfriends i don't think you would be pleased and she certainly would not. Tell her she owes your daughter and her bf an apology. Maybe do not invite her if alcohol is involved.

Alicatz66 · 26/02/2019 17:58

That's horrible !!! ... I probably would've called her out for it at the time ... but I can understand why you didn't .. even though they were all laughing I bet they didn't think it was funny !! ... I agree with the other posters about how if a man had groped a young girl it would be seen differently ... Id be horrified if some woman grabbed my son !!

Oakenbeach · 26/02/2019 18:00

could there be any be any chance he was wearing jeans and she was going "D for Denim"? but grabbed an inappropriate area wirhout thinking?

Ffs... A hope you’re not a rape trial jury where the defendant says “I just slipped over and it kind went inside her!” Hmm

Tessabelle74 · 26/02/2019 18:07

Let's put it this way, if my 21 year old son came home and told me that story I'd be visiting the woman involved and it wouldn't be for a giggle with her! Totally inappropriate and sexual assault, no other way to cut it

Whereareyouspot · 26/02/2019 18:09

How did she react afterwards? Did she look even vaguely uncomfortable when it sunk in?

BeatriceBee · 26/02/2019 18:12

How embarrassing! Hopefully she is regretting it now and will check her behaviour next time.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/02/2019 18:20

@oilLovesChuck don't be so daft. Not a single woman here has said it's acceptable. Not a single feminist would say it's acceptable. Nothing whatsoever to do with feminism, just this one woman's horrible behaviour.

Ruru8thestars · 26/02/2019 18:24

You need to tell her that was completely unacceptable- that poor boy

Loreleigh · 26/02/2019 18:31

Hmmm, sounds more like sexual assault than something to laugh off - why would anyone think this was acceptable behaviour - it is not, and the young man in question could press charges against her - and there was a room full of witnesses. Maybe people overlook how many men could join the #MeToo campaign and how many might be inappropriately groped/propositioned/assaulted. Your 'friend' should be struck off any future invites and if she doesn't already know, needs to be made aware of how wrong her atrocious action was. If the police turned up on her doorstep or arrested her at her workplace maybe she'd grasp the gravity of her wrongdoing! She is fortunate that the young man has not made a complaint against her... yet!

I don't think you are overreacting and your thoughts that her behaviour was out of order are justified. I wouldn't want her at a party, or anywhere else come to think of it!