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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by what ‘friend’ did at my party?

156 replies

DannyOD · 25/02/2019 16:29

Ok, this may be long but I don’t want to drip feed.

I had a ‘Games Night’ on Saturday. My ds (21), his girlfriend (21), dd (19) her boyfriend (21), dd’s best friend (19), her boyfriend (19) me and best friends Mum (in our 40s). I am friendly with this woman but we only met through our Dds and I doubt we would have become friends otherwise.

Anyway, we were playing a silly drinking card game of Dd’s. You had to read instructions off of card and do them. One was grab something beginning with D. I grabbed the dog, ds the door etc when my ‘friend’ reached out and grabbed Dd’s Boyfriends penis!!! He shouted something like Wow - I wasn’t expecting that!!!! And looked a bit awkward. I was mortified but everyone was laughing so I didn’t want to make a scene.

I thought it was totally out of order and if it had been a man doing it to a young girl I am sure everyone would have been horrified!!! Or am I overreacting??

OP posts:
Ravenclawclassof84 · 26/02/2019 18:32

@oilLovesChuck In no universe is that acceptable, wtf?

Cagliostro · 26/02/2019 18:36

Ugh that’s vile.

Please make sure he is ok. He might be totally mortified if you ask him directly but what about having a word with DD to check how he is, and to make sure they both know you don’t condone her behaviour and are on their side.

Lemonsquinky · 26/02/2019 18:44

That is sexual assault. That poor man. Grabbing someone's private area without consent, whatever their gender is never acceptable. It would make me dump her as a friend. I couldn't be around anyone who behaves like that.

Bunnyfuller · 26/02/2019 18:44

Two 40 yr olds playing drinking games with teens/early twenties doesn’t seem the best idea anyway.

Aren’t drinking games intended to get everyone really pissed really fast? Having been that stupid when I was young it isn’t something I will be encouraging my kids to do!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/02/2019 18:46

I'm not a violent person, but having been sexually assaulted by a stranger and knowing how it can live with you for years, if someone did that in my presenece i'd go nuclear. It would have been end of evening too, she wouldn't have been welcome a moment longer in my house.

smilingontheinside · 26/02/2019 18:49

Marmot if someone touched my dd vaginas in a game they'd probably be hospitalised Grin shez small but mighty and in this case would probably had a right go at the friend about inappropriate behaviour but that would be after I'd said my piece. Poor lad bet he feels very uncomfortable/awkward as it was your "friend" horrible Shock

smilingontheinside · 26/02/2019 18:50

Margot not fecking marmot Blush

Loreleigh · 26/02/2019 18:51

Oh, forgot to add that I agree with those that have said you should contact the young man and tell him he would have 100% support if he wanted to report this assault to the police - you and others were witnesses. Reassure him that many victims do not feel able to speak out or object at the time of the assault, but when they have had time to think about it more they may experience a range of unpleasant emotions. It would be a shame if this ended up affecting his relationship with your daughter (or anyone else), or leaving him fearful to attend any other gatherings. Nobody should have to tolerate this kind of shameful behaviour.

Crummyfunnymummy · 26/02/2019 18:57

Yeah I agree with Bunnyfuller in that playing drinking games with teens/20 year olds isn’t particularly responsible behaviour.

ItsABeautifulDayNow · 26/02/2019 18:59

@oilLovesChuck WTF? Probably best to back up ridiculous statements like this because I think one post says it was just a joke and a hundred other posts disagree and say it was gross behaviour and absolutely not ok.

HolidayQ · 26/02/2019 18:59

The op said everyone was laughing so I take it that includes the DD 🤷‍♀️

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 26/02/2019 19:07

21 may be adult but it's still really young. The poor man was sexually assaulted by someone twice his age. You got the reaction wrong at the time, which is easy to do when you're taken completely unawares like that, it must have been an extremely awkward moment. Having got it wrong initially doesn't mean you now have to let it go, I wish more people would realize that it's okay to speak up after something has happened even if you didn't at the time, people would get away with far less bad behavior if more people had the courage to do it. I agree with what other people have said, you should get in touch and see if he's okay. You should also contact the other woman and tell her explicitly that what she did was sexual assault and it's not acceptable.

NotBeforeCoffee · 26/02/2019 19:17

If my son was in this position I’d be be very angry, these young people were in your house so your responsibility. Definitely contact him, make sure he’s ok and offer support. And tell that woman about herself.

Fowles94 · 26/02/2019 19:29

Why are people even asking how drunk she was? I've been blind drunk before, it does not change judgement only reflexes. If you would do it drunk you would do it sober.

Katherine2626 · 26/02/2019 19:52

That's a bit crude - does she normally do unacceptable things like that?

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 26/02/2019 20:19

Ugh. She sounds vile and that's creepy. She sounds like the sort of women who'd do that and excuse it by saying that if a man can do it to a woman etc etc...I'd be keeping my distance from her from now on. I feel sorry for her DD though. She might start thinking her mum might try it on with her bf if she's like that.
Ugh, that puts me in mind of my old college tutor and she was predatorial. shudders

PinkPanther27 · 26/02/2019 20:54

The fact that she even associated the letter D with the young man's genitals and did it so quickly shows exactly where her mind was. Disgusting behaviour and sexual assault. Hope she doesn't work in education.

GabsAlot · 26/02/2019 21:22

what a creep how dare she-hope hes ok maybe ask him in private how he really felt about it

BowStreetStunner · 26/02/2019 21:39

I actually knew what was coming as I read that, imo yanbu grabbing someone's privates is sexualassault tbh and just very inappropriate if that was an older man to a young girl he would be a dirty old man! Not acceptable just because she is a woman.

BowStreetStunner · 26/02/2019 21:40

*sexual assault

LovingLola · 26/02/2019 21:47

Will the OP ever come back to update us I wonder ....

squeekums · 26/02/2019 22:29

Disgusting
What a nasty woman
Sexual assault. Full stop

llizzie · 26/02/2019 23:21

It is out of order and laughing could be to avoid embarrassment. There was probably little you could do at the time but you should tell at least those of your family and their friends that such drinking games that can lead to unwanted sexual advances will not be tolerated in your home. It is against the law in public and the workplace and it should be in the home as well. It is an assault.

BartonHollow · 26/02/2019 23:29

That's sexual assault

liverbird10 · 26/02/2019 23:51

Yeah. That happened. Hmm