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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a baby in hospital is an exception to the rules

265 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/02/2019 15:34

Thursday night my DD 18months had a seizure, no idea what was happening at the time. It was horrific, fortunately she is ok now (being referred for tests), but we were kept in hospital overnight and much of Friday whilst they ran tests.
Work have informed me I need take this as annual leave. Would your work follow the same line?

OP posts:
CouldntThink · 25/02/2019 16:52

NHS here, it would be purely at my manager’s discretion. I’ve been made to take annual leave or take it as sick before.

WhatNow40 · 25/02/2019 16:56

As other PPs have said, it's usual policy for unpaid leave or annual leave. The only discretion I've ever had on this is to allow people to make back the time, or take it from overtime worked but not yet paid.

"I was kindly told if I took compassionate leave when they were sick I couldn’t use it again if they died."

Yes, a good manager would need to find a way of broaching this as well. It's not fair to leave someone without the full knowledge of their options, only to then be in a worse situation financially when grieving. I would have also followed it with - cross that bridge if you need to. You have x days sick entitlement and stress of sick child/bereavement is a jolly good reason to be signed off for. It's a managers job to have these very difficult conversations and, while factually correct, the art is in the delivery.

littlepeas · 25/02/2019 17:03

My dd was poorly as a baby and in and out of hospital for her first 6 months, including 3 stays of over 2 weeks (once on HDU, one in ICU and once for heart surgery) - one of these was far from home as it was the only hospital with an ICU bed. We had toddler ds to look after too and little family support. He had all the time off he needed on full pay - reading this thread has made me realise how exceptionally lucky we were.

maddening · 25/02/2019 17:03

I get 5 fully paid emergency carers days per year and then it would be unpaid parental leave.

VanGoghsDog · 25/02/2019 17:04

I’m confused- so there’s unpaid leave to deal with dependents and paid compassionate leave when a close relative is seriously ill...well which is it?

Dependents leave is a legal entitlement, unpaid (though your employer can pay if they want).

Compassionate leave is not a legal entitlement, it's entirely up to your employer.

VanGoghsDog · 25/02/2019 17:05

You have x days sick entitlement

There is no such thing as 'days sick entitlement' - it's not the 1970s.

CottonSock · 25/02/2019 17:06

I could have the time off, but wouldn't get paid. Public sector role

maddening · 25/02/2019 17:07

Ps also possibility of compassionate I suppose dependant on circumstance and on a discretionary basis eg my previous employer allowed me to have a day so I could rush to my grandma as she had hours to live and I got to say goodbye

GrapesAreMyJam · 25/02/2019 17:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

maddening · 25/02/2019 17:09

Vangoch - perhaps they mean full pay sick - eg you get x amount at full pay tjru ssp after that

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 25/02/2019 17:09

I’ve been in that situation... for me it was unpaid time off. As I work in a school there is no such thing as annual leave. DH would have been given the option of unpaid or annual leave (public sector).

WhatNow40 · 25/02/2019 17:13

@VanGoghsDog

*You have x days sick entitlement

There is no such thing as 'days sick entitlement' - it's not the 1970s.*

Ok, poor choice of wording simply for speed.

I'd check the sick record, and length of service. Tell them their entitlement to paid sick leave, and how much of it they have used in this rolling period. Clarify it with a number. You have x days sick leave entitlement at full pay, and x days at half pay. If you were to be signed off, x days is the maximum you will receive full company sick pay for. You may want to bear this in mind when making decisions, as financial pressures can make a devastating situation intolerable.

Is that better?

AnneElliott · 25/02/2019 17:16

I'd get compassionate leave but I am a civil servant.

I think DHs company would just write it off - they are a small private company but are like a family and so would just let him have what he needed.

ElfridaEtAl · 25/02/2019 17:17

I work for the council and under ours its called Urgent Domestic Leave.

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 25/02/2019 17:20

When my mum (who's 86) was taken to A&E after a fall, I stayed with her until she was admitted as she was very scared. I was there from 9pm on Sunday until they found her a bed at 3pm on Monday, so I had to ring work and told them I wouldn't be in. I teach in a small Primary School, so can't take annual leave, but if the Head had said I wouldn't be paid for that Monday, I would have thought it fair enough (She didn't, though!)

aliceelizaloves · 25/02/2019 17:21

We've had something similar and both of us got it as compassionate leave. (Me- teacher, dh- civil service).

FermatsTheorem · 25/02/2019 17:22

Public sector here - I've been granted compassionate leave while DS was in hospital.

DonutCone · 25/02/2019 17:22

Compassionate is normally for when you have sufffered a bereavement though.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 25/02/2019 17:23

Worked for a large multinational. No question, stuff like that was compassionate leave.

gamerwidow · 25/02/2019 17:23

For the NHS staff I manage this would be annual leave or unpaid leave the same as any other leave to look after a sick child BUT if it had turned into a serious incident and the child was seriously ill rather than just having a nasty scare requiring an overnight stay I would try to work something out with HR. I think the official line is all carers leave is unpaid though.

BartonHollow · 25/02/2019 17:24

Would definitely be CL here and it's a small business owned by 4 people whose morals I have reservations about as a result of working for them and I'm not alone

And even THEY wouldn't expect this sort of thing to be AL

BartonHollow · 25/02/2019 17:26

@IM0GEN

That is absolutely fucking shocking and I hope he got some kind of comeuppance

BikeRunSki · 25/02/2019 17:37

I’m in the public sector. DS was in hospital for 9 days when he was 17 months old. We work flexi time and was expected to use that first. Then I had a couple of days that I didn’t work anyway. Then DH stayed in hospital and i went to work. I did get a couple of days compassionate leave after I had used up other options, but not annual leave. My very rational and lovely boss pointed out that annual leave was for r & r, and being in hospital with a sick child was neither of those things.

perfectstorm · 25/02/2019 18:15

My understanding is that paid compassionate leave is down to an employer's discretion. Unpaid leave for dependants is not, though it can't be so frequent or lengthy that it interferes with your ability to do the job - similar to sick leave in that way, I think? It seems wrong to me that you've been told you have to take it as annual leave. Perhaps they just don't know unpaid is an option? And could you afford it to be, if that's all that is available?

My husband was given a week of compassionate leave on full pay over the summer, but it was when I had complex (think 9 hours in theatre) cancer surgery, and was planned in advance. He also needed a day off at short notice before that when I had a PET CT scan, as I was fitted in a cancellation slot, and as that wasn't planned his manager had to take advice on whether that should be paid or unpaid. It came back as paid. So you can get compassionate leave without a death with some employers, but it may require blatantly life-threatening illness in a close family member, perhaps.

I do also think DH has extra sympathy because our eldest is ASD, and home educated, with the youngest at preschool. And he's never asked for or needed any allowances made before, for any reason, and he performs really well. But we're also very lucky in his employer. They're massively supportive and understanding.

Scotstar · 25/02/2019 18:16

My little boy was in hospital all last week. I was made to take it as annual or unpaid leave. Sucks