Boyfriend asked me to exercise

[SecretProfile]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 months. This weekend just gone he suggested I do some squats. It started out jokingly and then he brought up the squats again then he suggested lunges as “surely you can cope with lunges?” - he then looked at me very seriously.

I’m currently an Australian size 8 and I’m 57kg. I’m short but I’m in the healthy BMI range.

The history of this is I’ve been very unwell lately and doctors and specialists are trying to work out what is wrong with me.

I’m too tired to exercise and I’m often sick and taking a lot of painkillers.

I’m thinking that he isn’t happy with my body, even though I’ve seen pictures of his ex-wife and she looks to be a size 16.

The only comment he makes about my body is that he loves my tits (yes, he says tits).

Is this a red flag or am I oversensitive to this? I am very insecure about my weight and his comments have bothered me.

[LadyMinerva]

I'm with woollyheart here. He might be thinking purely of your health and you being so tired. Perhaps he is trying to be supportive in his own way? He might not know how else to help.

He may have never said he does like your body but by the same token he has never said he doesn't?

[IDoN0tCare]

Yes, I think I might get into Pilates again and then casually mention it before I leave him.

Phew! I’m so relieved, OP. You deserve better.

[SecretProfile]

@Hunter037

The only thing he comments on are my breasts (repeatedly) and he occasionally says I have beautiful eyes.

I comment on his body. He doesn’t say anything back to me when I do - other than “awwwww” and changes the subject.

[HoppingPavlova]

Why are you with him?

God I hope he is not Australian. It’s always so embarrassing when the odd Aussie dickhead gives all Australian males a bad name.

He seems quite odd and controlling from what you have said. Why is he looking at clothes with you? My DH would rather stick forks in his eyes. You also seem a bit obsessed with your size and what he thinks in this regard. Who cares as long as you are happy.

[DoneLikeAKipper]

He may be concerned that you're not exercising because you're ill and is trying to gently encourage it

Aw what a sweetie! The op is so ill they need to take constant painkillers and under go tests, obviously some ‘gentle coxing’ into working out is exactly what the OP needs right now!

If he’s making you question your body when you didn’t think there was an issue before (and it sounds like you are a perfectly normal size), then he’s a bit of a twat. What you do with that is up to you, but with being ill on top is that the sort of person you need to be with at the moment?

[EveryYouEveryMe]

I've only read your posts OP. He is a Nobber and a pillock. You can do much much better than that waste of skin.

he is already making you question yourself, already eating at your self confidence.

Shift some weight by ditching him.

[KurriKurri]

Have you told him your doctor says not to exercise ?
I think a lot of people who haven;t had an illness which leaves you extremely fatigued have no idea what it feels like - and somehow think if you just tried harder not to feel tired you'd feel less exhausted. Illness fatigue isn't like ordinary tiredness.

I would tell him that you are not well enough to exercise at the moment, you are following your doctor's advice and when you are ready you will take her advice on how to rebuild your fitness level. meanwhile he needs minds his own business because he's adding to the problem not helping you.

And I wouldn't keep saying what your size is - it makes you sound very insecure as if you need to defend your size - you don't. I don't know how australian sizes compared to UK ones, but imagine an 8 is small, and I'm sure your doctor would have said if she thought your size was a problem. But whatever your size - it is your business not his.

I've been seriously ill in the past and my fitness level dropped drastically because I could hardly even walk anywhere let alone exercise. Once I started being able to do a little bit more I found swimming and yoga were the best way to get gradually fit again - gentle exercise and take it at your own pace. Lunges and squats totally unnecessary. (I have an image in my head of him doing lunges all round the room just to show how manly he is - let him get on with it, but don't feel pressured to join in with his showing off.)

[trulybadlydeeply]

OP I think YABU, and it sounds like you could do with losing some weight, TBH.

Approx 70kg or so.

At 5 months into a relationship he should be making you feel amazing, even on the days when you feel terrible. He should be supporting you and boosting you, and making you feel special.

Sounds like you need to focus on you and your health, without wasting your time on this relationship.

[SecretProfile]

@Springwalk
That is what I thought. He mentioned my eyebrows the other week (they weren’t even that messy - I just hadn’t had them professionally styled/tinted before seeing him).

I guess I wanted to know what other people thought. It bothers me when he gives more negative feedback than positive feedback. It makes me wonder and I wanted to know if I was being overly sensitive.

The only way I will find out about my health is to have further tests (which are scheduled).

[lizzzyyliveson]

Are you just a collection of body parts? Does he have any relationship with you, yourself? What films does he love, what music is he into, does he follow a team, does he have plans for his future? Do you know anything about him except that he likes some fatty deposits on your chest?

Dump him and find a man that you can talk to.

[SecretProfile]

My doctor has never told me not to exercise. She did tell me she thought my fatigue was because I had an organ removed (last year) and I was still recovering from the surgery. She said to take it easy, but never to not exercise. The tests that have come back has shown there is something wrong but she doesn’t know what it is. I’m seeing a number of different specialists now (as there are many things wrong and they are serious).

[Thatsnotmyotter]

You kind of sound slightly obsessed with how small you are though? Talking about how things will be too big and you need the smallest the shop do etc... Maybe he is concerned that you are slim but unhealthy, in terms of low muscle tone and poor cardiovascular fitness? Rather than being critical of your figure. It sounds like it’s a sensitive area for you. He might be commenting on how he ‘loves your tits’ to highlight that he is fond of the curvier areas of you.

[SecretProfile]

@lizzzyyliveson
We like the same music, we enjoy each other’s company...
We have a similar sense of humour.

We haven’t spoken about a future. That concerns me. I’m going to start pulling away in anticipation this is ending.

Thank you for your feedback.

[lizzzyyliveson]

Wow, well in that case you should definitely be prioritising the shape of your bum!

[SecretProfile]

@Thatsnotmyotter I doubt it. I still have hips.

I’m called skinny bitch at work but teased because I still have boobs.

He says he likes how I hardly eat any food.... usually we just share when we go out.

[SecretProfile]

@lizzzyyliveson

Yes, I should definitely prioritise the shape of my bum 😝

[Missingstreetlife]

Bin.him.off.
Excersise when you are not well, even walking can be dangerous, and permanently damage your health.
Listen to your body and your doctor

[Thatsnotmyotter]

Have you had problems with food in the past?

[Auntiepatricia]

Red flag red flag!

[FrenchJunebug]

even if you were a size 16 your boyfriend is not on!

[KurriKurri]

Sorry - misread your comment about doctor and exercise and got it the wrong way round - apologies ! But I stand by rest of my post - if you want to exercise pick something gentle - especially if you have had surgery - lunges and squats aren't a good idea.

[SevenStones]

He sounds like an utter wanker!

[PlasticPatty]

He needs some exercise. Tell him to 'jog on'.

[Missingstreetlife]

Sorry, walking too far.
Stick with what is comfortable, yoga and gentle swimming may be ok.
Happy you don't eat much. WHAT?!!!?

[Chathamhouserules]

He is abusing you and making you feel like shit. Undermining you by saying you look tired, need to exercise etc etc is really nasty.

What a load of crap. Maybe he's suggesting you exercise because there is such a lot of evidence of its benefits to physical and mental health. And he knows you are unwell. Why don't you ask him?
And you might have looked tired even though you felt great and he was being concerned for you.
I suggested my dh started exercise when he was very down because I wanted him to feel better, not because I was abusive.
I think perhaps you might be a bit sensitive about your appearance, as you've mentioned it a lot and perhaps you are hyper sensitive to things he says.
Or alternatively he might be incredibly shallow and obsessed with appearances, in which case ditch him.
But you'll have to ask him I think. We can't really judge from what you've said.