To seethe at articles like this - 'I didn't know who my friends were until I was a mother'

[Likethewind321]

This one specifically:

www.mother.ly/love/motherhood-helped-me-understand-what-real-friendship-is?fbclid=IwAR1DgYhJay05k6JEZ7s4i6blGZ3wwycCsbJhZFWB8rMf3KSq8aXR_ROXSYI

I wonder what happens to all those 'silly frivolous friends who only cared about going out and having fun' Those friends who were shallow, who never really 'got it' ?

I'll tell you! One of two things. 95% of them will all have kids too, just maybe a few months or years later. And when they do, they will then also transform into wonderful human beings who 'get it'. They may not hang out with their old friends but they will become the newfound besties of whichever mums they meet in clinic or playgroup.

And the other 5%? They won't have children, and will silently watch as their friends all turn away and step into the social world of toddler groups, playdates, birthday parties, mummy chat groups, mummy coffee dates and mummy nights out. Watch as they make new friends, friends who 'get it'. This 5% will be dismissed as having never been a 'real friend' in the first place.

And can they complain about it? No. Because if they do they will be thought of as bitter or envious. A bit lonely and sad. They will probably be pitied.

Well guess what. I think it's being childless in a world where motherhood is worshiped, to find out who your friends REALLY are.

The issue about annual leave during school holidays - surely it is not the job of an employer to judge whose annual leave request is more worthy?

I’d like everyone to have a lovely time at Christmas, but if I have to prioritise a child’s Christmas or an adult’s Christmas I know what I’d choose.

So it’s fair that childless people never spend any time with their families?

Laurie If I had to prioritise your child's Christmas, or my Christmas, I would choose mine.

I've worked Christmas for the last 10 years without complaint so that my colleagues with children could have it off. Yes, I had family and a husband but they can survive Christmas day without me, we just celebrated on a different day. I do think it's different for children though... They would really feel the absence on Christmas day more than other grown adults I think.

I've worked Christmas for the last 10 years without complaint so that my colleagues with children could have it off.

Congratulations. That was your choice. It shouldn’t be enforced upon workers.

I do think it's different for children though... They would really feel the absence on Christmas day more than other grown adults I think.

My mum’s a nurse. Sometimes she worked Christmas. It was absolute fine.

You mean, the author doesn't?

Probably, that is a better assessment of the article than; mother's are smug/insensitive/worshipped/being childless is how you identify mothers who aren't just shit people

I don't think a carte blanche priority at all times, but basically yes. Surely a bit of priority is needed based on the fact that school age kids need looked after during school holidays vs adults (with or without kids - I'm talking about school aged kids).

Again, what else do you expect them to do? Take annual leave when the kids are in school and summon magic fairies to look after them in the holidays? Not everyone has enough family support or money to facilitate it without annual leave.

And everyone seems to forget that it is an important Christian holiday and some people actually go to church on Christmas Day.

I'm a nurse too and I don't need congratulating thanks @PurpleDaisies, it was my choice to volunteer. I'm sure now I'm a mother I will sometimes have to work Christmas, but hopefully not every year like I have up til now.

Waiting for the standard 'you should have thought about that before you had kids' response. Probably from the same people who park in p+c spaces without any children present.

I'm sure now I'm a mother I will sometimes have to work Christmas, but hopefully not every year like I have up til now.

I bow down to your functional uterus. Presumably my lack of one should keep me working every Christmas?

Puts on hard hat and hides

Parents can't leave their children unattended and go to work, until the children are old enough. Because the children might hurt themselves/may not be able to feed themselves/the police and social services would be involved

So it’s fair that childless people never spend any time with their families

Well you’re clearly overstating it. No one said anything about never spending time with their families.

But ... life’s not fair.

Ideally no one would work at Christmas (who didn’t want to) and emergency functions would be magically covered anyway.

No, but if they are in jobs where they could be required to work Christmas, it is their responsibility to work something out. It comes around every twelve months.

I volunteered as I said. I wasn't forced to work every Christmas. You really are going to snipe at every thing I say aren't you? Now I'm a bitch because I hope to have some Christmases off?

I worked most Christmas and New year before kids, lots of weekend and nights. It's much harder to get a job which fits in with childcare needs

Laurie If I had to prioritise your child's Christmas, or my Christmas, I would choose mine

Of course you would. I wouldn’t expect you to do anything else.

But if I was a boss and I had to ensure one member of my team was working Christmas Day and the choice was a single person of a mum of three, I know what sentimentally I’d want to do.

Not that it’s relevant in my industry. And I’m sure there are clear policies in industries where it is relevant. But that would be my instinct.

No, but if they are in jobs where they could be required to work Christmas, it is their responsibility to work something out

This is definitely the ideal purple, I have career changed so that I don't have to work out of hours, after having kids. But it's not always possible is it.

Meh.

I don’t disagree with this though. I’d like everyone to have a lovely time at Christmas, but if I have to prioritise a child’s Christmas or an adult’s Christmas I know what I’d choose

I find this mind boggling really. Of course to you, your child's Christmas takes priority. But to me? No sorry it doesn't. Why should it? Is you having Christmas with your child more important than me spending it with my family, possibly grandparent's I won't have for much longer etc...? No! You can't and shouldn't expect that from your colleagues.

If you're so overly concerned about spending every Christmas day with your child, get a job that doesn't require cover over those periods. It's not other people's responsibility to ensure you get to spend every Christmas with your child. It's incredibly entitled.

My father is in the police and I was never eternally scarred by his absence on Christmas day every now and then. It's par for the course with the job he chose.

Summer holidays I do understand and I so try to take into consideration my colleagues when booking holidays during this time (although I do have step children myself so sometimes need time off to go on holiday with them, I hope thats okay!).

Waiting for the standard 'you should have thought about that before you had kids' response. Probably from the same people who park in p+c spaces without any children present.

But isn't it normal to think about how you'll manage childcare and holidays before you start a family? Of course, I know not every pregnancy is planned, but assuming you choose to have children, isn't this one of the things you'd consider?

(I don't drive, so am not guilty of using P&C parking spaces, or indeed, any parking spaces).

I said ‘a child’ not ‘my child’. In the abstract.

I’m not talking about me. It’s not relevant to my sector.

I think most people without children would rather not go on holiday during the summer holiday anyway as it's so much cheaper. Massive advantage for them there that they can get cheaper holidays abroad. Maybe some time off at Christmas for parents is a little trade off?