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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH should shower more often

169 replies

Ilovemypantry · 24/02/2019 23:17

Myself and DH are both retired so do not have to get up and get ready for work. However, I’m really fed up with my DH personal hygiene routine. He only showers about once every six days and in my opinion this isn’t often enough.
I have nagged him about it so many times but he just doesn’t seem to understand why I am nagging him.
I shower every day and cannot understand anyone who doesn’t shower or have a bath several times a week, even if not every day. I think it is just laziness on his part, as he doesn’t do very much during the day.
I’m at my wit’s end to know what to do to get him to improve on his personal hygiene.

OP posts:
Missmother · 25/02/2019 19:52

Perhaps because people like this are just dirty🤢

Wer2Next · 25/02/2019 19:59

damntheman

Stick a finger in your perineal or bum area and tell me it smells fine?

You honestly think that 3 days of wiping with toilet paper keeps you fresh?

Delusional.

I wouldnt want to go to the toilet after you. It must reek.

Fazackerley · 25/02/2019 20:13

I muck out daily and change rugs etc. If you are.up close and personal with horses you smell of horse. I know some older horse owners profess not to care and to like the smell of horse but no thanks. Also my hair gets sweaty and greasy under a hay all day.

Fazackerley · 25/02/2019 20:13

*hat

Cel982 · 25/02/2019 20:14

Jesus Christ, Wer2, don't be foul. Do you really think human bodies are meant to be completely odourless?

IndigoSpritz · 25/02/2019 20:21

There's nowt worse than a smelly person, whatever the reason. My neighbour in the flat opposite walked past me this morning. I was nearly floored by the combined stench of sweat, body odour, stale cigarette smoke and God knows what else. I had to open the window at the top of the landing and spray lots of air freshener to deal with it. Nice chap but he is disgusting.

Charley50 · 25/02/2019 20:37

Hmmmm, sometimes I only shower every two days. I live and work in London. I don't smell probably until day 3 or 4 generally, although I have a bath by day 3 to avoid getting smelly Blush. I just asked my DP.

Drum2018 · 25/02/2019 21:15

This thread is hilarious. My dd is asking me why I'm laughing.
However, regarding the more serious issue at play - i.e. Ops shower resistant husband - I'd have him on the sofa with his manky pillow and duvet and lock yourself into the bedroom with your fresh smelling sheets and a scented candle. If that's a step too far, start spraying him with febreeze.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 21:18

Does anybody remember Desperate Housewives when Orson wouldn’t wash and Bree eventually took him into the garden in his wheelchair, squirted washing up liquid all over him and then soaked him with hose?Grin

Fluffyears · 25/02/2019 21:25

There is a guy who gets on the train with me in the morning and we usually sit in the same seat each day (end of the line) and he smells of unwashed body and hair. I can tell he doesn’t shower in the morning. Even if I am being sedentary I can smell a trace I’d stake sweat under my arms on the second day. Those who don’t shower every day do you at least do a pits and bits sink wash?

MollysLips · 25/02/2019 21:52

Maybe the weekly shower regime is his way of celebrating his independence? He's finally out of the routine of work, following orders, etc... These are his golden years and by God he's going to live life how he likes it!

Maybe? I could somehow see somebody taking that kind of attitude to retirement...

That, or he's a bit down, or just really lazy. Or maybe he has s health issue that means it's tricky to shower but he doesn't want to admit it?

Sorry, OP. No bursts of brilliance here, but you have my sympathy.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 22:13

MollysLips
You may actually have something there about he’s going to live life how he likes it now. He does have a bit of that attitude about him. But that is still not an excuse or reason not to have pride in keeping yourself clean and presentable. He doesn’t have any health issues that make it difficult to bath or shower, but he is really lazy as you suggested. We have a 24 year old daughter still living at home and she knows the situation, she often says “Dad when did you last have a shower?”. We are always making digs at him but he just ignores it.

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 22:21

This is so funny. In all my years around (and under horses) I've never smelt of horse piss! Ha ha Grin

I take offence that pp calls ppl not showering everyday mingers and stinking. It's just not true. Ignorant and rude to speak to others like that. It's simply not true.

Yes, nothing worse than riding hat hair, stinks, and very hard to keep horse smell off you when grooming/riding, its pretty pungent. Separate clothes, and shower, yes. I love the smell of my wax jacket

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 22:23

It doesn't matter how much you wash if you're gonna stick yer finger up yer bum its gonna stink Confused

LittleCandle · 25/02/2019 22:29

XH was (still is!) a soap dodger. He argued that he showered every day at work (worked off shore), therefore he was able to be clean, but he didn't feel a need to shower every day at home. He liked to be 'comfortable'. He was a sweaty Betty at the best of times. He did learn this behaviour from his DM who rarely washed. She would put on her 'best' clean clothes after doing housework etc without freshening up at all and she was also a sweaty Betty. This is one of many, many reasons that he is my XH. I am not quite sure how I tolerated him for so long.

Ontheboardwalk · 25/02/2019 22:36

His body, his stink, his choice however the fact he knows it effects you and your daughter having to live with him is not on

llangennith · 25/02/2019 22:37

Showering is usually part of someone's routine. Less about hygiene, more about habit.
Try to somehow get him into the habit of showering at a certain part of the morning: before breakfast (maybe while you make it?), after breakfast, after morning coffee.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 23:26

I keep hearing stuff like just treats him like a DC! It's quite insulting treating a grown man this way (try to get him into a routine - straight out of a baby text book). You can't manipulate other adults into your preferred pattern of behavior!

I would get angry at the way he is treating the linen that you wash though; to protect your linen from getting permanently ruined and stained I would get a pile of towels for him to use, and keep clean.

It would be very simple to wash his whole head each morning, or night as part of washing for bed, or getting up. It's not really any more effort.

If he wants a shag, he would absolutely have to be fresh and clean though!

IHateUncleJamie · 25/02/2019 23:35

Is he struggling with being retired, OP? Lots of male Police Officers do. It’s hard to still feel useful and have a purpose when you suddenly stop after 30 years. I was wondering if he might be depressed. Any other symptoms?

LostwithSawyer · 26/02/2019 00:03

Some of these posts are really grim Confused
To not shower/bath every day is truly revolting.

ChakiraChakra · 26/02/2019 00:18

@Sarahlou63 and @Smotheroffive
Have you never mucked out a straw bed? Changed a stable rug in the morning? Those are the two ways I get the joy of smelling of horse piss! 😂

Smotheroffive · 26/02/2019 01:14

Well yeah, tons, and the pissy sodden bedding stinks, but the whole thing is all bouncy and fresh smelling by the time I've finished I don't ever remember smelling of it. Thats exactly what I was trying to think when I read that...what bedding (me, straw)?

Smotheroffive · 26/02/2019 01:15

I definitely smell it, whilst the dregs being lifted at the bottom, but don't smell of it.

Sorry, you were talking about straw! Ignore that Q.

Fazackerley · 26/02/2019 06:45

Ok you go ahead. By the time I've exercised and mucked out 3 I need a shower! I also have a social life, so I don't fancy going out smelling of horse with a sweaty head. The dogs don't make me feel smelly unless I've had to wash fox poo off them Hmm

Fazackerley · 26/02/2019 06:47

I take offence that pp calls ppl not showering everyday mingers and stinking

I didn't actually. I said not showering for 4 days in a row when riding and dealing with horses is minging.