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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH should shower more often

169 replies

Ilovemypantry · 24/02/2019 23:17

Myself and DH are both retired so do not have to get up and get ready for work. However, I’m really fed up with my DH personal hygiene routine. He only showers about once every six days and in my opinion this isn’t often enough.
I have nagged him about it so many times but he just doesn’t seem to understand why I am nagging him.
I shower every day and cannot understand anyone who doesn’t shower or have a bath several times a week, even if not every day. I think it is just laziness on his part, as he doesn’t do very much during the day.
I’m at my wit’s end to know what to do to get him to improve on his personal hygiene.

OP posts:
Notcontent · 25/02/2019 01:33

You always, always get people on these threads claiming that they wash twice a week and don’t smell. But I am not sure how that’s possible unless you have daily “flannel” washes of your whole body - and I am not sure why you would do that rather than have a bath or shower unless you have mobility/ health issues.

Lightofday · 25/02/2019 02:10

Lol ditto about growing up as a kid having a bath once per week. But then again, kids don't sweat as much. But if he lives a relatively sedate life... Hmm, guess six days would still be pushing it. Set the hose on him xD or dump a bucket of cold water over him and tell him if he doesn't start bathing every 3 days, he'll be getting a bucket bath on the fourth day from now on. He'll soon start washing...well,or leave you...but then you won't have to was the sheets as much so win-win.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 25/02/2019 02:22

didn't you read his pillow cases have to be changed 3 x a week?!

As I said if he is dirty then he should wash more. Maybe op should show him the dirty pillow cases! Does he not see the dirt? I do struggle to understand how hair gets so dirty so fast, unless he rolls around in mun every day.

Or maybe the op 'perceives' him to be dirty and its just a matter of perception how often he washes.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 02:27

I find all this talk of 'flannel' washing pretty gross tbh. I could never be using a flannel to scrub my pits without then throwing it away!

Good point on the perspective of cleanliness. I can't understand either how someone must need a pillowcase changing every other day.

What's going on with the pillowcases OP?

k1233 · 25/02/2019 03:06

Is it he doesn't smell or you've gotten used to the smell? What I mean is that people with indoor dogs can't smell them but visitors without dogs may think the house smells.

Yabbers · 25/02/2019 08:04

He doesn’t actually smell that bad tbh, just not that fresh smell like when you’ve just had a bath or shower. It is more that I personally don’t think having a shower every six days is nearly enough.
So it’s not about how this affects you but about how you are bothered he does something differently to you? Leave him be. He’s an adult and can shower as often as he likes. Until you find his smell difficult to live with, it’s none of your business

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 25/02/2019 08:09

He sounds like a minger. Adults need to shower more often than every 6 days. The thought of the pillowcases - uuurgh!

Sakura7 · 25/02/2019 08:20

I'm Shock at the suggestions that he may not be dirty. I can just about understand the argument that daily showers/baths aren't needed, but the bare minimum should be every second day. Six days is horrible, I feel for you OP.

dottycat123 · 25/02/2019 08:34

These threads always surprise me, I am 51 and as a child always had a bath every night as did my parents. I have worked as a nurse for over 30 years in lots of different settings and can't recall coming across this mythical genital area which dosent smell if not thoroughly washed (preferably shower or bath) at least every 24 hours. It may be slightly different in hospital and when ill but I must have washed thousands of people over the years and people smell if not washed. The majority of people in this country do not use water to clean themselves after a poo, a few days of cleaning poo with only dry paper has to create a bottom odour.

BeanTownNancy · 25/02/2019 08:43

@Notcontent
Well even on a basic scientific level, it has been proven that there are people who genetically don't produce body odor. Some people are smelly, some people are not.

Absolutelylocaltoyou · 25/02/2019 08:52

You really need to tell him it’s not acceptable and mean it. You can’t share a bed with this man unless he sorts himself out. Tell him how many showers he has to have and set those days in stone.

If he doesn’t comply there has to be consequences. You have to be absolutely firm and consistent with him, so he realises he has to comply.

Alsohuman · 25/02/2019 09:01

Nasty. Even if he hasn’t got BO he must have that musty unwashed smell.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 11:13

About the pillowcases...they are not visibly dirty but have that sweaty head smell, that’s why I change them often. His hair isn’t dirty as he doesn’t have any...shaves it off, but obviously his head gets sweaty.
Absolutelylocaltoyou (I hope you’re not lol)...your suggestion of insisting on shower days otherwise there will be consequences...good idea but what consequences?🤔

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 25/02/2019 11:14

Does he give a reason for not doing it?

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 11:18

I am also curious as to his reason! I find showering a chore but I do it because it's also a necessity.

That said, every 3 days is fine. As a previous poster said, some people are just not smelly people. I don't smell (yes I asked some people and now my colleagues are concerned about me. You're all welcome :D ) and I shower every three days :)

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 25/02/2019 11:18

@Smotheroffive pits and bits. Bits too

Sakura7 · 25/02/2019 11:21

But surely with showers every three days you would wash with a flannel in between, for the important bits at least?

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 11:24

I don't, no. I've never seen the need. I don't sweat very much and I'm not smelly. Granted - if I've been working out at the gym I will shower because THEN I am sweaty and gross.

ionlylovemybedandmymama · 25/02/2019 11:43

My son's dad is like this (ex p). He thinks he doesn't smell. He stinks like unwashed bedding and food and just that smell that comes through people's pores. It is revolting. I would be shocked if his work haven't spoken to him about it.

Anyone who thinks they don't smell from washing irregularly, does smell and has just gotten used to their own stink.

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 11:47

That's quite a definitive statement there.. Some people smell more than others. While I would agree that someone going a full week without a shower possibly would smell, going 2 or 3 days between is hardly a health crisis. Showering every day is bad for the skin, particularly for those with sensitive skin and excema.

Sakura7 · 25/02/2019 11:56

I'm sorry but only washing every third day with no sink wash in between on pits/bits is grim. Even back in the days when people had weekly baths, they had sink washes during the week.

Friends and family aren't the best judge of whether you smell as they'll have gotten used to it, but if I was sitting next to someone who hadn't washed in three days I would know. Even if you don't have B.O. there would be a stale musty sort of smell.

What about periods? A daily wash down below is vital during that time.

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 12:01

My doctor has always told me that my bits self-clean and I've never seen evidence to the contrary. I never put soap down there anyway and have regular gyno check ups. Period wise, if I'm having a bleed I wear a menstrual cup, and if blood gets on me where it shouldn't then I wipe it away. Other than that? No, a daily wipe with a flannel just isn't necessary.

It might be necessary for your body and the way your skin holds on to smell and the way that you sweat, but it isn't for mine.

Just for you I have asked a new colleague who only started last week and won't have acclilmatised to my 'stink' yet. I do not smell. I genuinely don't understand why people find it so hard to believe that a daily scrub isn't necessary for some.

And just a note. Saying 'sorry' before an offensive statement does not make the offense any less. I am not grim thank you very much.

ionlylovemybedandmymama · 25/02/2019 12:10

Your vagina may be self cleaning. The perineal area is not, neither is the pubic area or anus. That is, truly, grim.

rachelfrost · 25/02/2019 12:16

Maybe some people can not wash for a week and not absolutely stink. But anyone who hasn’t washed for about 3 days does smell of human. Like cows smell of cow and goats smell of goat, humans have a human smell.

Op’s partner is unkind, how much effort is it for a fit person to shower? I think positive reinforcement might be the way forwards like someone else mentioned.

Good luck

lmusic87 · 25/02/2019 12:16

Yes, it's to clean your body and get rid of germs and dirt - not just to avoid a 'smell'

Just because a vagina is self cleaning doesn't mean you can't use water.

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