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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH should shower more often

169 replies

Ilovemypantry · 24/02/2019 23:17

Myself and DH are both retired so do not have to get up and get ready for work. However, I’m really fed up with my DH personal hygiene routine. He only showers about once every six days and in my opinion this isn’t often enough.
I have nagged him about it so many times but he just doesn’t seem to understand why I am nagging him.
I shower every day and cannot understand anyone who doesn’t shower or have a bath several times a week, even if not every day. I think it is just laziness on his part, as he doesn’t do very much during the day.
I’m at my wit’s end to know what to do to get him to improve on his personal hygiene.

OP posts:
AornisHades · 24/02/2019 23:59

Is he washing pits and bits in between his weekly shower?

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 24/02/2019 23:59

jizzylizzy
a shower once a fornight 😮. I’m sorry, but I just cannot get my head round that. Wet wipes and dry shampoo are no substitute for soap and water. I can’t imagine only having a shower once every two weeks I’m afraid.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/02/2019 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 25/02/2019 00:05

I have this issue with my OH.

And he does get that sweaty bum crack smell. Neither of us are small but oh my god, for the love of it all, people should at least do a comprehensive flannel body wash every morning even if they don't fully shower.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 25/02/2019 00:05

If he doesn't smell or look grimy then what's the problem?

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:05

AnyFucker
Oh, that explains it then 😂😂

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 25/02/2019 00:12

Ilovemypantry "Yes, the intimacy is practically dead tbh. He would always have a shower before being intimate, but this isn’t the point for me really. The fact that he isn’t very clean all of the time is a real turn off for me."

Does he know this is affecting his and your personal lives?

"Yes depression is definitely a possibility especially with him not working now." Can you get him to the GP?

Can you help him find something to do in his free time? Loads of charities rely on volunteers, some provide lunch and travel costs. It's a bit like a job, of course no pay, but you get he camaraderie and sense of purpose. Plus if it is for a charity he feels some interest in (animals, the environment, religious, other countries, education etc) there can be a good vibe. Plus you can usually say how much you want to do, just one or two days a week.

Good luck.

Thanks
Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:15

AornisHades
No washing between showers as far as I’m aware (and I’m very aware of what he does all day). He gets up, gets dressed and goes downstairs and that’s it.

OP posts:
Kneehigim · 25/02/2019 00:18

He sounds really sad. Sad

Kneehigim · 25/02/2019 00:20

How old are you both? What did he work at before retirement? Does he have friends to meet up with? Golf (always figured that was the dream). Are you financially well off? How about a cruise? Something to put a pep in his step again.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:20

Italiangreyhound
I really don’t think he is depressed tbh. He likes doing nothing most of the time. He has lots of friends that he meets for breakfasts, lunches, days out sometimes. He isn’t lonely, he just prefers relaxing to doing anything active.

OP posts:
jizzylizzy · 25/02/2019 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lovingbenidorm · 25/02/2019 00:25

Offs!
It’s bloody disgusting not to shower or have a bath daily!
What is the matter with some people?!

AornisHades · 25/02/2019 00:25

"ilove* in that case it's grim. The weekly baths were always accompanied by intermediate washes.

PickAChew · 25/02/2019 00:26

Eww, yes.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:28

Kneehigim
He is 67 and I am 62. He was a policeman before he retired. He used to go fishing but hasn’t done that for a couple of years now. He does have a lot of friends who he sees quite regularly and we belong to the National Trust so we do go out walking when the weather is ok. We are not especially well off, but comfortable. No, definitely not a cruise, not our thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:30

jizzylizzy
What disrespect are you referring to?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/02/2019 00:36

Ignore jizzy. It trolling all over the site.

Original poster
Ilovemypantry · 25/02/2019 00:42

ILoveMaxiBondi
jizzy trolling all over the site 😂😂

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 00:45

I feel a bit sick having read that!!! You have to wash his pillowcases 3 x week!! That's so gross.

he doesn't smell that bad eeeek. Have you told him to sort himself out? Like, he's retired now, so he can be changing his own pillowcases. Just step away or buy him black ones and he can change them (and put two spare ones underneath to protect the pillow!

That's so gross, his arse-crack smell....eeeeuuww! And eerrrgh!

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 00:47

What did he decide to do with his 'retirement' time? If he played squash, he'd shower after, right? He's going the way of a heart attack if he's not doing anything at all having just completely stopped everything.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 25/02/2019 01:07

Surely its not a question of how often he showers. Its a question of is he dirty?

If he isn't dirty then how often he showers is a matter of his personal preference. If he is dirty then he needs to clean himself more often.

Nothinglefttochoose · 25/02/2019 01:08

Yuck! That is disgusting! Tell him he needs to shower more or it’s over. Everyone needs to shower daily. Nothing worse when you can smell someone’s dirty hair 🤮

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 01:18

Walking dead he is filthy...didn't you read his pillow cases have to be changed 3 x a week?!

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 25/02/2019 01:30

If he is stubborn have you tried the opposite approach, instead of nagging then give him positive reinforcement when he does shower. Tell him how lovely he smells and how much you like it. I know he’s not a child needing behavioural therapy but he’s obviously got some issue and nagging isn’t working. If he’s never been like this before it does seem like depression, it’s not always shown in obvious ways