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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
StrongTea · 24/02/2019 19:06

Well you certainly have the ideal phrase when their birthdays come up. Just have to say I thought we didn’t do birthdays anymore.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 24/02/2019 19:06

When my dh ruined my 40 th, I made sure he was dumped before my 41 St...
Happy Birthday op.
Now it's time to make yourself your number 1 priority.

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2019 19:06

Do they normally ignore your birthday? How do they treat you on a daily basis?

Pannalash · 24/02/2019 19:06

Happy 60th Birthday Flowers

ALargeGinPlease · 24/02/2019 19:07

Accidental post caused by the dog wriggling and jerking my hand.
...anything i want). Or I'll buy myself something nice.
I used to wait hopefully all day, then be disappointed by nightfall.
Now i accept he's just crap at birthdays, although since I've been telling him what to do, he has come up with a couple of surprises himself. I think he just didn't realise it was important to me (as birthdays are not really important to him)

Ikeameatballs · 24/02/2019 19:08

How do you know that they were choosing not to acknowledge it rather than forgetting? Not that forgetting is reasonable either!

What have you said to them and how have they responded?

Drum2018 · 24/02/2019 19:10

4. Book a nice city getaway for yourself. Paris or something. Don't bother telling them, because why would you? I mean if you're so unimportant to them - which is what their actions indicate, even if that's not strictly true - then you book it, you pack the night before or something like that, you head off before they're up/after your husband has gone to work and leave a note. "I've left for a trip to Paris/wherever for the weekend because I felt I deserved a break and as we did nothing on my birthday I thought I'd treat myself. I'm sure you can look after yourselves for the weekend. I'll see you all Sunday/Monday/whenever." and off you go.

^This - even if it's more local or a full day at a spa - go somewhere and just leave a note. And don't bother doing anything for their next birthdays. I'm raging for you. Happy Birthday Cake

PQ77 · 24/02/2019 19:10

Many happy returns for your 60th birthday 🎂

ToomuchtimeonNetflix · 24/02/2019 19:11

So sorry to read this OP. Happy birthday to you 💐🎂. Sending you hugs 🍰 xx

Nickpan · 24/02/2019 19:12

Happy birthday Mrs Bradley x

MiGi777 · 24/02/2019 19:12

Oh my god. That is AWFUL.
💐💐💐🌷🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🌺🌺🌺🌸🌸🌸🌻🌻🌻💐💐💐🌷🌷🌷🌹🌹🌹🌺🌺🌺
Happy Birthday. I hope you're ok. X

LagunaBubbles · 24/02/2019 19:14

This is shit, how horrible of them, what kind of message is it giving you! I know a lot of people here don't think your birthday is a big deal as an adult but to not even acknowledge it, no card or flowers etc... that's just nasty.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/02/2019 19:14

Did you ever say that you weren’t looking forward to it or that you didn’t want to celebrate it?

In our group of friends my b’day is a couple of weeks before another. We all met up for a meal the weekend after her birthday so I dutifully took flowers and fancy chocolates - so did everyone else! Just bit for me through.

I felt a bit shit and it looks like the same will happen this year (we have a lunch arranged about the same date this year) and it is A Big Birthday for me this year (but not them) but most seemed to have forgotten and didn’t ask my age when DH mentioned that was why he was booking a table at my favourite restaurant (as in a ‘what are you doing for the weekend? Oh it’s Fekko a birthday you say? Tell her I said happy burthday’). Ho hum.

LagunaBubbles · 24/02/2019 19:14

Happy Birthday Flowers

SandAndSea · 24/02/2019 19:15

Happy Belated Birthday!!! StarCakeFlowers

So sorry to read this. I would be very upset too. I would definitely book myself something lovely. I would also speak to them all and let them know how hurt you have been.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/02/2019 19:17

Sorry ‘i forgot’ - happy birthday! 🥳 🎈 🎈 🎈 🥂 🎂

pallisers · 24/02/2019 19:18

Happy birthday. I don't blame you for feeling awful. It isn't a little bit naughty to forget your wife or your mother's 60th birthday. It is horribly thoughtless, and selfish.

You need to call them on this. Tell your husband he completely blanked your birthday - your 60th birthday - and that you are hurt, upset and disappointed in him. (or do what Sugarplum said and "tear into them something chronic" :))

Do the same with your children. Text them and say "you ignored my birthday. Frankly that upset me a lot. I don't need much but a text or a card would have been thoughtful. If you treat others in your life like this, they will not be happy. I am not happy"

I often think that all of the things that make family life memorable - traditions, celebrations, special dinners, remembering people and anniversaries etc are down to me and it pisses me off tbh. They all reap the benefit of it - it isn't like they want to live a joyless existence without celebration or family gatherings but they don't instinctively do the work to make it happen. I have had to train them all to make sure they give me the same acknowledgement everyone else gets.

lilypoppet · 24/02/2019 19:19

Wow that's horrendous OP. I'd take off somewhere and leave a note.

Paddy1234 · 24/02/2019 19:20

Happy Birthday ❤️❤️❤️❤️
If it makes any difference in my house - if I don't organise anything then nothing ever happens
❤️❤️

MelinaM · 24/02/2019 19:21

FlowersHappy Birthday to you Radley60!!!FlowersSmile

Please give your ‘family’ a thorough talking to, I’m appalled that they’ve chosen to ignore your special day!

Sending hugs Smile

howmanybiscuits · 24/02/2019 19:22

I agree, Ravenesque's suggestions are great.

Only, I'd not tell then when I'd be back.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 24/02/2019 19:22

How could anyone not acknowledge their spouse's 60th birthday? That's really awful.

A big happy birthday from me ThanksThanksThanks

howmanybiscuits · 24/02/2019 19:23

"you ignored my birthday. Frankly that upset me a lot. I don't need much but a text or a card would have been thoughtful. If you treat others in your life like this, they will not be happy. I am not happy"

And this also.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 24/02/2019 19:23

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks     

gambaspilpil · 24/02/2019 19:24

That is truly shit. I am 50 this year and have asked my friends to save the date as I don't expect my OH to do a thing. As he doesn't view birthdays as important and wouldn't see the point. You should be confronting your DH and asking why he hasn't made this day special for you. I have no doubt you would make his birthday special... then go and book yourself a spa weekend with a friend and leave them all too it..