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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
PeterPiperPickedWrong · 24/02/2019 18:50

Have you asked them why they haven’t acknowledged your birthday?

Happy Birthday op Cake Flowers

NutElla5x · 24/02/2019 18:51

Is it your birthday today Radley? If so I'm hoping that everyone's pretended to forget and will have surprised you with a lovely surprise by now. If not how awful for you, and you have every right to feel upset and thoroughly pissed off. What a selfish shower of shites your family are and I would be telling them so and going on strike if I were you. Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated and your special birthday is/would have been an ideal opportunity for your family to demonstrate how much you mean to them. I hope you do have/are having a Happy Birthday now Flowers

Ravenesque · 24/02/2019 18:52

Belated happy birthday from me @Radley60.

What is so awful about this to me, is that if I was you, I'd have thought "So surely they can't have forgotten, so maybe there's a surprise coming up later on." and then been utterly devastated when there was absolutely nothing. Here's where I think it should go from here.

  1. You always do cards, so don't stop that. But just a card. Nothing else. No going out for a meal. No presents. Nothing.
  2. The fact that they did this when you're already vulnerable on your crutches is unforgivable, because as you say you couldn't/can't even go out to do something nice by yourself, but ...
  3. You will be off your crutches soon and then ...
  4. Book a nice city getaway for yourself. Paris or something. Don't bother telling them, because why would you? I mean if you're so unimportant to them - which is what their actions indicate, even if that's not strictly true - then you book it, you pack the night before or something like that, you head off before they're up/after your husband has gone to work and leave a note. "I've left for a trip to Paris/wherever for the weekend because I felt I deserved a break and as we did nothing on my birthday I thought I'd treat myself. I'm sure you can look after yourselves for the weekend. I'll see you all Sunday/Monday/whenever." and off you go.
  5. While you're away, do all the things that make you happy, treat yourself to lovely meals, buy yourself some lovely treats, come home and don't even acknowledge that there was anything out of the ordinary about doing that at all.

I would truly like to slap all of them upside the head for being such thoughtless, unkind, horrid individuals. I'm not saying that's what you should do, it's what I want to do to them for being so horrible to you. I might not know you, you're a stranger, but what they did is so horrible, that I'd happily slap them for you.

labazsisgoingmad · 24/02/2019 18:52

a huge happy birthday to you with big hugs
Wine Cake Flowers

Whackaguacamole · 24/02/2019 18:52

Happy 60th Birthday!

I so sorry you didn't get the day you deserve, I'd be letting them all know how upset you are

NancyPickford · 24/02/2019 18:52

I kept reading, thinking I'd see an update from you saying they'd surprised you after pretending to forget it. I'm so sad and sorry. Wishing you all the best for a significant birthday. I'd be so upset and unhappy, I'm not surprised you're teary. They're all horribly selfish and uncaring.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 24/02/2019 18:54

Happy Birthday Radley,

You deserve better and I’m sorry they didn’t acknowledge you on a milestone birthday.
Please DO point out to them that you were disappointed in them. Tell them because honestly families can be dense.

My hubby and 10yr old forgot me last mother’s day (managed to send his mum flowers though) but thought I “didn’t want anything”. I still have no idea of the logic. Like you I ALWAYS make sure special days are celebrated. I guess I’m just too accmadating, if I don’t make the fuss no one does. I tore into them something chronic by the evening and they make the effort now.

Hugs and best wishes to you 🎂🎉🥂

Quintella · 24/02/2019 18:55

Happy birthday, OP!

Is there something bigger going on, some kind of backstory? I find it hard to believe that your entire family refused to acknowledge such a milestone birthday, unless there's some weird family dynamic going on.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/02/2019 18:55

Is it your birthday today Radley? If so I'm hoping that everyone's pretended to forget and will have surprised you with a lovely surprise by now.

I'm hoping the same Nutella - but even if they have, I think it's a cruel joke to play on anyone.

Happy Birthday Radley - Flowers Cake

And if I were you I would never, ever, buy so much as a card again (well - I probably would, but I'd feel like that for a while).

Did you cook them their tea tonight? I hope not. They don't deserve it.

The BUGGERS!

gowgow · 24/02/2019 18:56

Is it possible there's a big surprise waiting for you later?

I had a Michelin * meal for a big b'day - only at the last minute did Hub tell me to change into a posh frock.

Crunchymum · 24/02/2019 18:56

Happy Birthday OP.

I assume today isn't your actual birthday though?

Why didn't you ask or tackle someone on the day?

They've set the bar now, you do exactly what they did for all their Birthdays. Useless, rude fuckers.

DragonMamma · 24/02/2019 18:56

How bloody sad and awful for you Radley. I would be as upset as you.

Have they said why they haven’t acknowledged it? It’s unthinkable, to me, that your family would fail to celebrate a birthday in some way.

Wheresthebeach · 24/02/2019 18:58

Happy 60th Birthday!

Well that's utterly crap of them.

Let them know how hurt you are. Don't be brave, or let anyone tell you that you are being unreasonable. If that means they see tears then good - they need to see that they've taken you for granted and you're deeply hurt. Plan something nice for yourself and then give them a choice - they make it up to you properly, or all birthdays are ignored going forward. No way do they get cards/presents etc when they treat you this way.

Honest to God, people can be utterly shit. And I wouldn't shy away from telling them that they are selfish and thoughtless. Because they are.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 24/02/2019 18:58

I'm so sorry. That really, really sucks. I do hope you've said something to all of them about how you feel about being forgotten.

Oysterbabe · 24/02/2019 18:59

Happy Birthday. Flowers
Fuck the lot of them and buy yourself a treat.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 24/02/2019 18:59

That is really crap, op. I'm sorry. Happy birthday Flowers

Beeziekn33ze · 24/02/2019 19:00

Nancy - same as you! I keep looking in hoping there's a huge apology and then great things tomorrow and next weekend.

Ridley - Many Happy Returns and a great year!
! 💐🥂🍾🎂🎁🛍🤣🎷🎉!

Crunchymum · 24/02/2019 19:00

@Ravenesque

You've nailed it. OP this is what you need to do!!!

puppy23 · 24/02/2019 19:00

My hearts broken for you - Happy Birthday

Wowserme · 24/02/2019 19:01

Aw bless you!
I know it’s late but a very Happy Birthday lovely lady 🥰

Lemonysherbet · 24/02/2019 19:02

Happy birthday to you! I feel like they may have planned a surprise party and are "forgetting" on purpose.

ALargeGinPlease · 24/02/2019 19:03

Happy Birthday from me too.
My dh has 'not bothered' about my birthdays before now, so i take the lead now. I will tell him what id like to do and what present i'd like (if there's anyt

Whereareyouspot · 24/02/2019 19:04

Wow
Have they forgotten?
Is there a chance if you pipe up and say well thanks a bunch for not even saying happy bday they will feel terrible and make a massive fuss of you tomorrow?

If they have remembered and just given a gruff happy day and then ignore you then that is truly awful of them and they don’t deserve you.

I couldn’t keep quiet if I was you tho I’d be fuming and would be telling them just what I thought!

Spotsandstars · 24/02/2019 19:05

I'm hoping this will turn into they've done a surprise birthday thing thread! Otherwise this is rubbish and I'd be taking myself off on holiday to Mauritius for a week or so.

smallereveryday · 24/02/2019 19:05

I'm really hoping that as OP has only made one comment in over 200 posts that her family have done that 'let's let her think we've forgotten and throw her a surprise party' ...

Other wise , I'm slightly confused. How are you sure they haven't forgotten ? Did one of them actually say 'Hi Mum - I know it's your birthday today but I'm not acknowledging it' ?

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