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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/02/2019 19:29

Happy Birthday Radley 60.. I hope they make it up to you soon and that you plan something nice for yourself and that your poor knee recovers quickly. xxx

BlankTimes · 24/02/2019 19:30

I'm so sorry that you were treated like this, you definitely deserve better.

Treat yourself to something luxurious at a time in the future when you feel well enough to enjoy it. Use your H's credit card to fund it.
Don't tell them you're going, plan it and just go, leave a note to say back in 2 weeks or however long you will be gone so they don't call the police to say you are missing.

They won't know what's hit them when you "disappear" and they have no clean laundry, no clean plates, pans and cutlery.

Cake Star Wine Star Flowers Star Gin
Happy Birthday Radley
Cake Star Wine Star Flowers Star Gin

Enko · 24/02/2019 19:30

Happy Birthday Radley

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 24/02/2019 19:30

Happy Birthday!! Let's have a party here :)

tell us some cool things you've done in the last 60 years.... we are all listening...

Thegoodthere · 24/02/2019 19:31

Is there a chance that your DH got the date wrong (eg thought your birthday was the 27th instead) and is so sure that he's convinced the DC too? So no one has mentioned it because they think it's next week (or similar)?

PinaColada1 · 24/02/2019 19:32

Happy birthday!

Now get them organized, book a weekend away with meal with hubby, buy a lovely dress, tell your kids you want such and such - do not take this lying down!

I tell you I book the restaurant and give the details of exactly what I want for this reason. I’d love to be surprised, but it’s never gonna happen. Sigh...

ToPlanZ · 24/02/2019 19:33

Happy birthday OP

My siblings and parent didn't acknowledge my 40th. It does hurt, I've posted on here before about my ruined 30th too. I've separated myself from them more emotionally because they clearly don't care too much about me. Thankfully my DH did something lovely otherwise I would have been heart broken so I really feel for you,

HazelBite · 24/02/2019 19:33

I'm hoping the Op has not come back as she has been thrown a surprise party.
Happy Birthday Flowers

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 24/02/2019 19:35

You were born just 3 days ahead of my brother! He's 60 on Wednesday.

A very BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY from me too. (and your family are absolute shits!)

Flowers Cake Wine

Ninkaninus · 24/02/2019 19:37

Oh yes let’s have a party here! Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you like to do, what colours suit you, favourite items little treats you like, and those of us who want to play along can each give you a virtual present! You never know, one of us might link to something you actually really would love, and then you can go ahead and get yourself something nice to mark the day. Smile

I’ve brought Gin and Cake!

cees · 24/02/2019 19:39

My mum turned turned 60 recently, we did cake, present and loads of birthday wishes . I am so appalled they would treat you so badly. I wouldn't be able to hold myself back from telling them all disappointed and unwanted they made you feel. Happy birthday

Sophiesdog11 · 24/02/2019 19:39

A big Happy Birthday from me Op. I do think it’s absolutely awful, does your DH have form for being so unkind and thoughtless? You said your DD reminded them at Xmas, I can’t believe they ALL forgot!

It is mine next week, I am not far behind you in years but as I remember DH and kids birthdays, I would be very upset if they treated me like you have been treated.

However, that won’t happen as DS (working away on a year in industry) has already said he is taking the next day - a Friday - off so he can travel home on my birthday and we go out for meal when he arrives. I normally take the day off work and sometimes DH joins me for a walk, we have already agreed that this year we will go walking on the Friday when DS is here. DD has also managed to get the day off from her gap year job.

The year that they completely ignore my birthday will be the year that I ignore theirs. It is not about wanting a massive fuss, but about showing kindness, respect and love to their wife/mum.

Mitsouko67 · 24/02/2019 19:39

A very happy birthday , month and year.

Yes it's most disappointing. You are obviously doing way too much for them all. It is now time to focus on extreme self care.

Do something nice in the short term and get planning for when you are back to full health. Book in weekend breaks with friends/theatre nights out etc.

Like previous poster said quietly focus on yourself.Good luck and be a good friend to yourself!

BigChocFrenzy · 24/02/2019 19:39

Happy 60th Birthday Radley60 💐💐🎂💐💐

If they have kept quiet because of a celebration party tonight, that's very clumsy & stupid:
I would always give a card in the morning and say then if something is coming later

How horrible of them if they actually forget / didn't bother
Do they normally remember ordinary birthdays and give you at least some flowers and a card ?

I expect you were looking forward to a really good celebration
If you haven't recieved something tonight, then it shows your whole family don't value or respect you as they should Sad

In that case, plan what you would like them to do, then tell them how hurt you are and what you want

AdoraBell · 24/02/2019 19:39

Happy birthday 🥳🍾 💐🎂

That’s utterly shit of them. Do nothing for their birthdays, and Christmas, and when anyone asks what they gave tell them that they didn’t even acknowledge the day.

Then do as suggested and bugger off to Paris for a weekend.

PohtaytoPotahto · 24/02/2019 19:41

Happy BirthdayWineCakeGin

Tinkobell · 24/02/2019 19:41

How rubbish and unappreciative they all are OP. Have some 🍸🍦🥂🍾🍭🍡🎂🍹🍰 here. And later, get the credit card out and book a nice treat if you can .....Bath Thermae Spa is very nice?

purplepandas · 24/02/2019 19:42

Wishing you a belated happy 60th birthday. It's appalling that people did not acknowledge your birthday. I agree about treating yourself, you bloody well definitely deserve it.

purplepandas · 24/02/2019 19:43

Wine, Flowers and Chocolate for you!

BrusselPout · 24/02/2019 19:44

I would be telling all of them how hurt I am that they couldn't even acknowledge my 60th birthday, even though I always try and make them feel special on theirs. I would also tell them that from now on I will be making exactly the same amount of effort for their birthdays as they did for mine. And then I would - no cards/presents/acknowledgement or effort of any sort, it might be difficult but also might make them rethink being so bloody selfish

I'm sorry they are so shit, I can be rubbish with birthdays but ALWAYS make sure I know about and acknowledge the big ones

LatinJules · 24/02/2019 19:45

Feliz, feliz cumpleaños Radley, from Chile. WineCake

Gruzinkerbell1 · 24/02/2019 19:46

Happy Birthday Radley Flowers

HappyMama01 · 24/02/2019 19:47

Happy Birthday lovely! WineCakeThanks

I hope that you make them all aware how upset you are about this!

RedLipClassic · 24/02/2019 19:49

That's rotten, op! I'd be making sure they knew how bad they'd made me feel!

Happy birthday to you! ThanksCake

TrainSong · 24/02/2019 19:51

Happy Birthday Radley. Flowers Cake Wine

I really hope you come back to this thread and tell us that they had organised a surprise after all. (Though to put you through all htis first is very cruel.)

If they haven't... that's not good. Have very blunt words with them all. Let them know how you feel.

Go out tomorrow and spoil yourself rotten if you can afford to, and if not, invite a bunch of friends for a drink and tell them you are 60. Let people know.

Then let this be the change you need in life. Don;t be invisible or a doormat any longer. Go out and do what you want to do and spend time with people who appreciate who you are.

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