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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one acknowledged my 60th birthday

530 replies

Radley60 · 24/02/2019 17:04

I'm new to this so I hope I'm posting in the right place but I just needed someone to vent to I guess. I just had my 60th birthday. I was looking forward to having a nice day but my family never even acknowledged me. No happy birthday, no gifts, no meal nothing, zilch, zero. I know most people would just say "you're 60 get over it" but I can't stop the tears coming. I just feel so unwanted. My daughter lives abroad so I eagerly checked my email but there was nothing from her. My husband left for work that morning and that was that and my son although he was home, said nothing to me. I stupidly waited all day until my husband came home thinking they would maybe order a meal in for us but no nothing. I was so angry at first, then that changed to tears. I'm on crutches at the moment because of a knee injury so it's not like I could even go out just to get away. I always make sure Christmas and birthdays are celebrated and they never wake up on the morning of their birthdays without cards and gifts and we always go out for a meal. I knew going out was a no go for me this year but I feel like they simply see me as the hired help and not worth bothering with. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and I know it's only a birthday but the lack of any love and affection is really hurting me.

OP posts:
Bottletopsx · 25/02/2019 17:34

Family can be so selfish. Happy Birthday Xx

Jamala · 25/02/2019 17:35

Wow, that's extraordinarily nasty of them. I would be upset too. So first of all a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY from me. Next, I think you should tell your husband and family that you'd really like to do something special to celebrate the very special birthday you have just had - what ideas do they have for treating you to something amazing? Don't let them get away with it. In fact you could tell them what you would like. (Otherwise the same will happen in ten years for your next extra special birthday). I agree with mummadeeze: sometimes you have to start hinting and taking charge in advance of things, so definitely do that for future things.

Mumsturn4 · 25/02/2019 17:36

Happy belated birthday!
I’d give anything to be able to wish my mum happy birthday (I’m nearly 50 and she died when I was 28)
It makes me so sad when I hear people being disrespectful to their parents.
I hope they come to realise what they’ve done and start treating you better xx

foodiefil · 25/02/2019 17:36

Omg that has broken my heart reading that. I am so so sorry.

Happy birthday - id send you flowers if I had your address! Or that takeaway you wanted 😢😔

Galdos · 25/02/2019 17:37

You lucky so-and-so! My family held a surprise party for my 60th, despite knowing my total aversion to celebrating my own birthday (and most others too). A day of huge embarrassment for me as I felt I had to grin and bear it rather than chuck everyone out and distress the kids.

Strawbridge · 25/02/2019 17:37

Happy Birthday!

Sparkles07 · 25/02/2019 17:37

I was really hoping to see an update today about a surprise meal or something last night. I would go crazy if they did this to me on a normal birthday never mind a big one!

1AngelicFruitCake · 25/02/2019 17:38

Galdos, are you actually joking?!

EllenMP · 25/02/2019 17:38

Happy birthday, honey. I'm sorry your family are so self-involved. I think you should let them know how much they have hurt you and I hope they feel absolutely terrible about it. Especially your husband.

goodomens830 · 25/02/2019 17:38

I know how you feel. I recently had my 40th. I had two cards.

Mather1 · 25/02/2019 17:38

I think this is my first reply ever to one of these forums but I was so upset to read this. I cannot imagine why your family would not celebrate a 'big' birthday or indeed any birthday with you. I hope that you do not allow this to continue to upset you. I would recommend telling all of your family just how upset you have been and then treat yourself to something you wouldn't usually spend money on as a birthday gift to yourself. Perhaps a holiday/visit to a friend for a couple of weeks then maybe they will appreciate you when you get back.

MerdedeBrexit · 25/02/2019 17:38

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes - seriously, if this is completely out of character for him, I'd be wondering if he was starting dementia. I don't mean to scaremonger, but that is the kind of reaction I'd have got from my mother when she was suffering from undiagnosed vascular dementia (and after it was diagnosed, obviously, but by then we knew what it was, though we still found her actions and reactions horribly upsetting, even then).

Ruperbear · 25/02/2019 17:39

I am hoping that the lack of an update means you are enjoying a surprise party. Maybe with ur daughter flying over.
Happy birthday. 🎉🎁 xx

Oli001 · 25/02/2019 17:39

I understand your hurt - really don't need anything, but acknowledgement -so happy birthday to you. I just had mine and told DH if he wasn't interested, as least take our DC (10&7) out so they could get a card and small pressie - he didn't even let them get a birthday cake for me:(

jade19 · 25/02/2019 17:40

I would maybe leave it till the weekend and if after the weekend nothing happens then pull them both to one side and tell them how you feel.
Tell them how hurt you are! With it being your 60th they may have something speacial surprised and this is their way of surprising you. Although it's not the best way to go about it xx

ZforZack · 25/02/2019 17:41

Any update Op ? Wishing you the happiest of trips around the sun x

MerdedeBrexit · 25/02/2019 17:41

Sorry, OP, I got side-tracked by another post. I came on here to wish you a belated Happy 60th Birthday and to say my family would be dead by now if they'd not acknowledged any of my birthdays, let alone a milestone one! I was also hoping to see an update mentioning a surprise party!

ggirl · 25/02/2019 17:41

How shit ..I was scrolling through hoping you had updated that they had organised something as a surprise for you....still hoping ?

icanbewhatiwant · 25/02/2019 17:42

Radley....please come back to update. I hope they remembered in the end.
My family forgot my birthday one year (husband and 3 school age children) at about 3pm I thanked friends on Facebook for birthday messages then I said my family had forgotten. Within a few mins husband called from work laughing. He said he’d genuinely forgotten. But he found it hilarious. I never did find out who tipped him off.

Pliudev · 25/02/2019 17:42

Just want to say what everyone else has. HAPPY BIRTHDAY X. And when you get rid of the crutches do something you really want to and buy yourself a gift. If it was left up to my husband this is exactly what would happen to me. So I've learned to let him know in advance exactly what I expect and book a table somewhere nice. My sons make up for it but there have been some years when I've felt very sad especially since, like you, I'm the one who makes sure everyone else has something special on their birthdays. Somehow can't bring myself to retaliate.

SassitudeandSparkle · 25/02/2019 17:44

Happy birthday!

Definitely tell them you are hurt, they won't know otherwise.

Lily019 · 25/02/2019 17:46

I would be just as hurt as you as I too , always make whatever effort I can for all of my family on their birthdays. I was particularly hurt when I turned 50 and my so-called best friend didn't bother even wishing me a happy birthday, despite being very childish and needy about hers every year.
Could it be that they are maybe plotting some kind of surprise?? I truly hope so. Failing that, once you are feeling better, I would organise a lovely meal out with a favourite friend or something, and let your lot know that even if they dont want to celebrate your birthday, you most certainly do!! Chin up and a very Happy Belated birthday from me !!!

StellakateT · 25/02/2019 17:47

I’m incensed for you! I normally remind my family a few days before my birthday so no chance of them forgetting. I think when you’re more mobile take yourself off somewhere nice. When you feel less hurt I’d tell the family that you now realise they do not want birthdays celebrated anymore. Happy birthday ❤️

Fowles94 · 25/02/2019 17:47

My god you have every reason to be upset, I couldn't have stayed as calm as you. I'm so sorry and happy 60th birthday 🌸🌸

DPotter · 25/02/2019 17:47

Flowers Cake
Happy birthday Radley

You must tell them how upset they have made you feel.