Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 22 23

Original poster

Daughter not invited to my brothers wedding abroad

575 replies

Alicia870 · 24/02/2019 15:26

My daughter will be approaching 2 when my brother gets married in Croatia. Ive only just found out they are not having children at the wedding and she is not invited. He also wants us all to go out 3 days before the wedding and to stay the day after for other events and gatherings. So it would mean we will have to leave her with dh's parenrs for about 5 days. She is the only niece he has and I can't help but feel upset by this. It's a long time to leave her and I feel like she is part of the family too and can't see how she would do much harm. I wouldn't mind if it was at home as I understand some people don't want kids at a wedding but isn't it a bit much to expect us to go abroad and just leave her for days?

OP posts:

Miscella · 24/02/2019 23:55

I’m irish and child free weddings are the norm.....except for nieces and nephews.

I have never been to a wedding where immediate family children weren’t present. They are usually not be there for the whole day (wedding receptions go on a loooooooooong time here....often until the next day!)

So yanbu , I think it’s odd that the groom’s niece won’t be at the wedding. In fact I think it odd that she isn’t a flower girl.

ivykaty44 · 25/02/2019 06:27

See if you go on holiday Croatia is beautiful, so it wouldn’t hurt to have a family holiday in that location, but you don’t want your family holiday dictated to so by staying in a different destination you just get on and enjoy your holiday - you could arrange to arrive jyst the day before the wedding, taxi to the wedding and back on the day.
You will have made the effort, you’ll see your db get married and have a nice time
If your the sort that holiday with your in-laws - invite them along on the holiday and then on W day you and your dh could go and leave dc with granny & grandad for the day, so you and dh get to go together

Kneehigim · 25/02/2019 06:30

I simply wouldn't go.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/02/2019 06:31

Can you compromise and go day before and leave day after ? So leave the whole 5 day shebang

And tell not ask !

Meralia · 25/02/2019 06:49

Sorry, but I wouldn’t go.

Jamiefraserskilt · 25/02/2019 08:07

I would go for 48 hours. End of.

PregnantSea · 25/02/2019 08:11

I just wouldn't go, and I'd say it's because you can't leave your 2 yr old for that long

zingally · 25/02/2019 08:13

I think I'd always feel a bit guilty if I missed my brother's wedding...
My best friend had a destination wedding as well, and it was only by utter fluke, when I found myself between jobs unexpectedly, that I was able to go to that... I honestly don't know why people do it. Especially young folk, on a first marriage, who want friends and family around them on the big day.

In your situation, I think I'd try and leave toddler with partner for 3 days. Fly out the day before, and home the day after.

Ginger1982 · 25/02/2019 08:25

You may think it's disrespectful to not invite her but not everyone (even family) are as in love with your kids as you are or think they are amazing to have around at every event, and I say that as a mum.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 25/02/2019 08:38

Going all the way to Croatia including travel to airport, getting there x hours before flight, transfer at other end which could be hours is a big deal.

Depending on where it is if she goes for 48 hours it will end up being 4 days cos best part of a day each side for the mucking about.

Definitely not same as 5 hour drive.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 25/02/2019 08:42

Is not about respect ginger is about finding childcare for and being happy to leave a2yo for 5 days, and about using the annual leave and money on something that is not for whole family.

There's also the fact that this is obviously not a straightforward decision so he's saying he's happy if sister can't come which is a little different.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 25/02/2019 08:44

I suppose its possible as well, ginger, that ops family all dislike her 2 yo and that is why they have done this

But you don't know if it's true so it's a pretty extreme thing to tell op

MariaNovella · 25/02/2019 08:46

The couple are being ridiculously selfish. When you invite people to your wedding you have to consider your guests’ comfort and logistics! Not just your own mad ideas of how to show off!

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 08:51

Don't take it personally, your DB and his fiancee are not unreasonable to want a child-free wedding.

On the other hand, you are also not unreasonable to not want to leave your daughter. Go on your own for a short time, or don't go at all, nobody can say you're unreasonable for that :)

Charley50 · 25/02/2019 08:56

Does your brother realise what a shitty position he's put you in?

Fontella · 25/02/2019 08:57

I must be getting old ... do people really expect wedding guests to attend their celebrations for 5 days?

I wouldn't care if it was my brother, mother, sister, closest friend, I'm sorry but I wouldn't be going - end of.

It's just ridiculous and abroad too?

A wedding and a reception afterwards, lasts a few hours. Why does it have to be turned into multi-day event?

MariaNovella · 25/02/2019 09:03

A wedding and a reception afterwards, lasts a few hours. Why does it have to be turned into multi-day event?

We go to a lot of life milestone events: weddings, funerals, BMs, 18th birthdays etc. If all of them lasted 5 days and were out of the country we would never be at home! It’s ridiculously selfish of people to expect their friends and family to spend so much time on a single event.

thebabessavedme · 25/02/2019 09:05

I'm looking at this from dgp pov - I love my dgs dearly but I dont think that at nearly 2 he would have been happy to be with us for 5 days, its too long to be without mummy and daddy, we would have been totally knackered, I also think tbh its a bloody cheek that your brother assumes that the dgps are available for that amount of babysitting, a lot of us still work or if retired have our own bloody lives!

so no, I would decline.

KingLooieCatz · 25/02/2019 09:06

My cousin had a child free wedding. Me, DH and DS stayed in the hotel and I attended the wedding alone while DH and DS had a day out at a local attraction. The only family members who could have looked after DS were also at the wedding.

When people asked if DH was unable to attend due to work, I rather enjoyed telling them that actually as it was child free I could only attend if DH was looking after DS, so I was there on my own. Seems like a couple of people didn't realize that if children aren't invited not everyone can attend.

overtheirishsea · 25/02/2019 09:10

A PP had the perfect answer - go for the two actual wedding days and leave the toddler with their father/mother/guardian. That would work wouldn't it?

WildfirePonie · 25/02/2019 09:12

I wouldn't go. Wouldn't leave my kids for that long and go abroad.

What if you get there and his fiances nephews happen to be there?

overtheirishsea · 25/02/2019 09:12

@Fabaunt
I’m getting married shortly and no kids definitely applies to nieces and nephews.
I have actually made my own thread on this as my sister in law initially told me I could fuck off, that her children were coming to my wedding. I’ve recently had to stand up for myself and say no, I don’t want any child at my wedding.

The brother has made it clear kids aren’t welcome, including the brides nephews. If they wanted the child there they’d ask

How can you call yourself that.. after posting that?!

KingMash · 25/02/2019 09:15

I'm another that just wouldn't go. Would not be happy leaving a child that age for 5 days and bugger all the hassle and expense of going for 48 hours.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2019 09:18

It’s not very helpful to keep saying that you wouldn’t go. The OP has said she is going!

thecatsthecats · 25/02/2019 09:25

overtheirishsea

I simply do not understand how much of a twat people can be about this. I just imagine them wahhing 'but MMYYYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAABIES must see you marry. They're FAAAAAAAAMILEEEEEE'. Said babies will wholeheartedly not give a shit. I couldn't tell you which of my aunts and uncles weddings I did or did not attend.

If possible, in this scenario, I would go alone to my brother's wedding - for the wedding, not any surrounding events. Not that the misogynist git will ever marry.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 22 23

Swipe left for the next trending thread