About this holiday situation?

[HolidayQ]

NC for this.

Im on holiday at the moment, After a stressful few months I decided I really needed a break for abit. I asked my friends but noone was able to come. I mentioned it to a friend I met through work and although we are not very close we do speak over whatsapp and we meet up occasionally, she was totally up for it and wanted to book right away.

Anyway I have been here 4 days now and she has barely spoken a word. She does not initiate any conversation. If I dont talk then she will not talk at all, and then she barely responds if I say anything. When she does respond its simply with “yes” “no” or “hmm.” Ive tried to speak to her but she sometimes doesnt respond at all. Ive asked her if everything is ok or if there is anything she wants to talk about but she just says no.

Its so bad that ive got friendly with other people here and tried to include her and they have asked me if she speaks english! If they ask her something she will not respond, so they will ask me to ask her and eventually she will but again its one word answers. Sometimes she will just laugh in response.

I havent seen her interact with anyone else here either, no other holiday makers and no staff so I dont think its personal to me.

Also she has only showered once since being here and without sounding rude wibu to address this with her as she is starting to smell as is the room?

[Birdsgottafly]

Yabbers, you're bending over backwards to excuse extremely rude behaviour.

My DD and a lot of her peers have Autism, none would laugh in your face when spoken to.

They all went to a SN School and have got to a point were they can explain that they have Autism and to realise that they need to take care of their personal hygiene, when in company.

What is being described is a level of arrogance.

OP tell her straight about washing, she's a selfish cunt.

She probably just wants to be able to say that she's been to Cape Verde, to people she's deemed good enough to speak to.

[user1471481356]

My SIL is extremely socially anxious, when we first met her she was like this, would barely speak at all for about 2 years. Now she will have a conversation but it’s limited. My guess is she’s feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed.

[Dippypippy1980]

It sounds like she has a mental health issue.

Can you book yourself a single room for the rest of the trip? I couldn’t sleep in a room with someone who hadn’t showered for so long. Or maybe address if head on - day you have noticed she isn’t speaking much and has it been taking care of her personal hygiene and you are worried something is wrong. Then leave he silence and see if she fills it.

She may have suffered a trauma or be having a breakdown. If her personal hygiene was his bad you would surely have noticed before the trip. It sounds like someone is very wrong.

[Smoggle]

I'd have one last go at asking directly "why aren't you speaking? Why aren't you showering - the room smells?“

If she still doesn't engage then leave her too it. Get your own room if you can, if not tell her she must shower every day. Then do your own thing, chat to other people in the hotel.

[TheShiteRunner]

I'm betting she has extreme social anxiety and is overwhelmed. I think she's really trying to push herself to be sociable, but can't cope at all with the reality. (I can be a bit like this...) I think going out tomorrow and whatsapping her to have a convo on there is a good idea (although she may be too embarrassed to admit to any of it.)

[HolidayQ]

Yabbers Its really not been hard to befriend people here most people here are sociable and chatty and welcoming. Im an outgoing person anyway. I might have to say something about the showering otherwise I doubt she will shower again for the rest of the holiday. I dont think I noticed her smelling before the holiday so it might just be here.

Other than the obvious, cape verde is a really beautiful place, very hot (I have sun burn) Its a place ive always wanted to visit so glad I have now I definitely want to come again.. with better company!

[HollowTalk]

OP, do you think it's a place you could've gone to alone?

[2birds1stone]

If she hasn't been in the pool is there a possibility she is on her period and it's affecting her? Mood swing, smelling more than usual?

[HolidayQ]

I havent been on holiday alone before but I would be fine with it, although I did actually want some company.

Surely being on her period would be even more reason to shower?

[LoniceraJaponica]

HollowTalk I would say what you said, but amend the last bit to “but please don't ignore me when I speak to you as it makes me worry that I have said or done something to upset you”

“Yabbers, you're bending over backwards to excuse extremely rude behaviour”

I agree Birdsgottafly
What is your problem Yabbers? The OP doesn’t need to “lighten up”. The whole point of having a companion on holiday is to have someone to talk to isn’t it? Otherwise you might as well go on your own. You sound like hard work. Are you the “friend”?

I would also want to address the non showering issue. I would offer to be away from the room while she has a shower.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

Some people can find it really hard to make small talk - maybe she is one of them?

This may be true but most adults should be able to make the effort. She is being incredibly rude for which there is no excuse.

PS Holidays on your own are fab. Try it next time.

[PrivacyPolicyYeahRight]

Honestly there doesn’t need to be any reason behind her behaviour. I knew someone like this. Always meek and harmless but just didn’t talk. She hung around my friendship group through work but we never succeeded in putting her at ease. She would accept invites and seem happy but just wouldn’t talk. She struck me as anxious and introverted but not rude. We naturally drifted apart and I still can’t get over how she was part of my friendship group for a year yet I knew nothing about her at all.
It was only bearable because we were a group. I can’t imagine being alone with someone like that.

My advice? Accept it. Accept that you won’t be offending her if you pop off and do your own thing. Accept she won’t talk. Buy a book!

[Purpleartichoke]

If I was sharing a room with someone who wanted to make small talk, I would shut down too. I can manage for an hour or two, but after that I am utterly exhausted and need my space. I recognize this about myself and would never in a million years agree to share a hotel room with anyone other than my spouse. I won’t even share with my sister. I need privacy or my brain does not work.

I’m guessing she decided to push herself and didn’t realize she couldn’t handle it until she was on the trip.

If odor is a problem, bring it up. Say the room is getting musty and you think you should both ask for clean bedding and both shower before bed.


The position she has put you in is awful, but I do have to mention that being chatty and friendly is not morally superior. It is simply a different way of being, one that can feel incredibly rude and overbearing to some of us. My ideal holiday partner would want to while the days away reading in the nice weather, interspersed with dips in the pool to cool off and stretch the muscles.

[Spotsandstars]

ASD definitely springs to mind. Also maybe because of the ASD she doesn't know how to behave socially but you've not noticed it before because your contact is sporadic and short

[BulletWithABun]

It sounds like you are just incompatible for going on holiday together. That doesn't explain the lack of showering though.

I think I would just ask her as gently as possible to take a shower. Like someone else said, it's not going to matter too much if she stops taking to you because of it!

[HollowTalk]

You don't know she has ASD, though, @Spotsandstars.

[HollowTalk]

And someone who's bad at small talk is usually fine at answering questions, it's just initiating conversations they struggle with.

[HolidayQ]

Maybe she is yabbers as she had a shower a little while ago! I was shocked atleast I didnt have to say anything!

[ATBhinchers]

She sounds like she has additional needs or a mental health issue. I'd talk to her directly and say I've been really worried about you since we've been here please talk to me about how you feel. It might just come pouring out. If it still doesn't then that's just her personality so just leave her to it and distance yourself from her when you get back.

[Applesaregreenandred]

You say that you aren't close to this person and you mainly chat over whatsapp. I was wondering what she's like when you have been out together in person before? Is she normally more chatty than this?

It sounds to me that she is very introverted, finds small talk hard, and quite honestly you didn't know her any where well enough to arrange a holiday together.

[Jaspermcsween]

Is her name Margaret?
I once shared a student flat bedroom for A YEAR with someone who never spoke.

She whistled all the time. Drove me batty .

[LoniceraJaponica]

How on earth did she manage to find a partner if she never talks, washes or brushes her teeth?

[Fruitbatdancer]

One of my slightly odd (!) friends is currently on holiday in Cape Verde! I’m now wondering if it’s her! Or is it you Sam?!? 😂😂😂

[2birds1stone]

How is it going op?

[LucyAutumn]

This sounds really difficult and draining OP, have you had any luck today?