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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this holiday situation?

159 replies

HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 16:43

NC for this.

Im on holiday at the moment, After a stressful few months I decided I really needed a break for abit. I asked my friends but noone was able to come. I mentioned it to a friend I met through work and although we are not very close we do speak over whatsapp and we meet up occasionally, she was totally up for it and wanted to book right away.

Anyway I have been here 4 days now and she has barely spoken a word. She does not initiate any conversation. If I dont talk then she will not talk at all, and then she barely responds if I say anything. When she does respond its simply with “yes” “no” or “hmm.” Ive tried to speak to her but she sometimes doesnt respond at all. Ive asked her if everything is ok or if there is anything she wants to talk about but she just says no.

Its so bad that ive got friendly with other people here and tried to include her and they have asked me if she speaks english! If they ask her something she will not respond, so they will ask me to ask her and eventually she will but again its one word answers. Sometimes she will just laugh in response.

I havent seen her interact with anyone else here either, no other holiday makers and no staff so I dont think its personal to me.

Also she has only showered once since being here and without sounding rude wibu to address this with her as she is starting to smell as is the room?

OP posts:
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 18:09

Is she experiencing culture shock?

I would ask her directly why she isn't speaking?

GreyGardens88 · 23/02/2019 18:10

Maybe she is really worried about something. I know when I am all I do is think about it and I don't say a word, and maybe that is why her personal hygiene is slipping? And doesn't feel like she can tell you as you hardly know each other. You would have been on your own anyway if she didn't come, so just do your own thing but let her know you are there if she wants to talk about something

SnapesGreasyHair · 23/02/2019 18:14

I had a friend like this. Even spending an evening with her was torture as we'd sit in silence. I don't see her any more as it was such hard work! Shame as l really liked her

Tinkobell · 23/02/2019 18:17

Ask her if she's errr.....homesick perhaps?

SpanielEars070 · 23/02/2019 18:17

I went on holiday with a friend once - we got on brilliantly planning all the things we were going to do, then once we got there it was a wall of silence. All they wanted to do was sit by the pool and eat in the hotel....... we had one day exploring out of 7. I've never repeated the experience since and that week felt like a month.

I'd make your own plans OP and make the best of it.

EggysMom · 23/02/2019 18:17

Some people just don't talk, don't make small-talk, like silence. It doesn't mean there's anything odd about them, it just means you're not really compatible.She's probably as annoyed by you (seemingly to her) constantly talking, as you are by her silence.

TedAndLola · 23/02/2019 18:18

It was a very bad decision to go on holiday with someone you don't know well. I think you just have to do your own thing for the rest of the week and never do this again!

BringMeTea · 23/02/2019 18:20

And the stinking the room out Eggysmom? Care to enlighten us? Just different personal expectations of a shared space?

Janethevirgo · 23/02/2019 18:22

Is she really quiet in general or is it more the silent treatment. Either way it’s not pleasant, at least it’s only a weeks holiday.
There’s very few people I can actually go on holiday with, a long lunch is enough for me

cushioncuddle · 23/02/2019 18:24

Ask her.
Is everything ok. I've noticed you're not talking and you haven't showered. I'm worried about you.
Perhaps text it to her if she finds face to face conversation difficult.
Is she eating. Using the pool. Reading. Etc. What is she doing.

EggysMom · 23/02/2019 18:29

No, but the stinking out of the room is a separate issue to somebody simply being not the talkative type. That's up to the OP whether she wants to address that problem, if it were me, I'd still have the conversation even if it were a little one-sided.

LoniceraJaponica · 23/02/2019 18:31

Maybe she's an introvert and just doesn't want to chat. I would just leave her to her own devices and spend time with people who do want to talk. Does she actually swim in the pool?

pilates · 23/02/2019 18:34

How old are you and work friend?

MaggieAndHopey · 23/02/2019 18:38

"Maybe she's an introvert and just doesn't want to chat"

If that's the case, it seems odd that she agreed to go on a two person holiday with a casual acquaintance. I'm an introvert and that is my idea of hell. In fact, holidays with most people apart from immediate family would be out of the question for me.

MaggieAndHopey · 23/02/2019 18:39

OP, I would just ask her straight out if everything is OK, as she has seemed a bit quiet.

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:39

I'm hoping she isn't swimming in the pool!

MaggieAndHopey · 23/02/2019 18:39

oh shit, I see you've already done that. Man! What a nightmare.

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:40

Was she chatting on the plane? How was she when you met her at the airport?

TheInvestigator · 23/02/2019 18:42

Is there a bath or just a shower? If there is a bath, can you find a shop and get her some nice bubble bath and say "I thought this smelled amazing, so got some for you too"

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:43

I think I would get up in the morning and say "What do you fancy doing today?" If she says she wants to do something, say, "Do you want me to come along or do you fancy some time alone?" If she says nothing, say, "Well, I'm going to do XYZ. Do you want to come with me?"

If you go alone, I would tell her where you'll be "I'll be swimming until lunchtime then in the bar for lunch if you fancy joining me." The rest is up to her.

Original poster
HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 18:44

Ive asked her if everything is ok and if there is anything she wants to talk about but she said no. I asked her what she talks to her partner about and she just laughed. She either doesnt respond or says no, yes or hmm or laughs thats literally it. Thinking about it she hasnt actually been in the pool. We were sat seperately on the plane but she didnt talk in the taxi to the airport. As others have said if she is an introvert then thats fine but strange to go on a holiday with one person she was so up for booking it she wanted to book immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 18:46

The smell is very overpowering and she hasnt brushed her teeth I dont think. Some good suggestions though I will be trying them especially asking her what she wants to do tomorrow and the bubble bath.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:47

She's bloody cheeky, really. This is your holiday too, and she is stopping you from enjoying it.

What happens when she's asked to order food etc? Does she ever say anything like, "Do you fancy a drink now?" or similar small-talk comments? Does she sit and do nothing or is she reading/on her phone?

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:48

What's she been like when you've met up prior to the holiday? Did she seem to be having any problems?

Do you think there's a problem such as her not being able to afford things?

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 18:49

I’m just imagining her post here about the friend she’s gone on holiday with who just won’t STFU 😂

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