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AIBU?

About this holiday situation?

159 replies

HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 16:43

NC for this.

Im on holiday at the moment, After a stressful few months I decided I really needed a break for abit. I asked my friends but noone was able to come. I mentioned it to a friend I met through work and although we are not very close we do speak over whatsapp and we meet up occasionally, she was totally up for it and wanted to book right away.

Anyway I have been here 4 days now and she has barely spoken a word. She does not initiate any conversation. If I dont talk then she will not talk at all, and then she barely responds if I say anything. When she does respond its simply with “yes” “no” or “hmm.” Ive tried to speak to her but she sometimes doesnt respond at all. Ive asked her if everything is ok or if there is anything she wants to talk about but she just says no.

Its so bad that ive got friendly with other people here and tried to include her and they have asked me if she speaks english! If they ask her something she will not respond, so they will ask me to ask her and eventually she will but again its one word answers. Sometimes she will just laugh in response.

I havent seen her interact with anyone else here either, no other holiday makers and no staff so I dont think its personal to me.

Also she has only showered once since being here and without sounding rude wibu to address this with her as she is starting to smell as is the room?

OP posts:

Report

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:49

Do you know anyone in common that you could talk to about this?

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 18:50

That's not fair, Yabbers. This sounds like a nightmare situation and the OP's paid a lot for her holiday.

sonjadog · 23/02/2019 18:54

She sounds awful. Do you have to have much to do with her when you get back? If not, I think I would probably tell her exactly what I think of her behaviour.

brownjumper · 23/02/2019 18:54

Ask some open ended questions , ones she’s can’t answer yes or no to. Like what do you think of this place, what’s your favourite thing to do etc.

lerrimknowyouretheyir · 23/02/2019 18:59

I’d probably not say anything but continue to try and engage and then never go on holiday with her again. I’d be too embarrassed to say anything re the smell though.

HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 19:01

She is quiet generally but not to this extent, she would chat but mostly when spoken to. She speaks more on messages but she would actually reply with more of a conversation that just yes or no.

She is originally from ireland and moved to london and doesnt have any friends so I made an effort to be friends with her (at first initiated by her) Sorry for abit of drip feed but its adding up abit. I invited her out for my birthday a few months back as we were going on holiday I thought it might be a good idea to meet up abit more and bring her into my friendship group. She did come but left after 20 minutes without saying a word, then messaged me to say she left because she was really drunk only she didnt seem drunk and it was only 20 minutes. I was worried what she would be like on holiday after that but it was already booked at that point. Im not sure its finacial as she booked the holiday immediately, or she could have said “ive left xyz at home could I borrow yours?”

OP posts:

HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 19:02

Yabbers maybe you like to sit in silence and no interact with anyone but that really isnt normal.

We wont be friends again after this tbh. Its been draining.

OP posts:

HolidayQ · 23/02/2019 19:02

not*

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2019 19:02

Is it at all possible that she had the idea that you were 'holidaying alone together'? As in she thought you both wanted to spend a holiday on your own but are sharing expenses because neither could afford it on their own?

The only other thing I can think is that something really bad or upsetting happened to her just before you left and she's really preoccupied?

toach · 23/02/2019 19:04

Well you've nothing to lose by telling her she smells, if she stops talking to you, it won't make any difference.

MightyAtlantic · 23/02/2019 19:07

I would be strongly tempted to just ignore her for the rest of the holiday, unless she decides to start engaging with you. I realise that would be difficult to do if you are sharing a room though.
You have my sympathies. I once went on a weekend city break with a friend who decided she couldn't be bothered leaving the hotel room. She is now an ex-friend!

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 19:10

I think I would have to have one last go at trying to get to grips with this. She seems to prefer WhatsApp, so I'd send her a message when you're not going to see her for a few hours, and say, "I'm really worried about you. You haven't said a word since we've been on holiday. I've noticed you're not washing and I'm really worried that you are depressed. If you want to talk to me I'm here for you, but please don't ignore me when I speak to you as it makes me feel really bad."

IncrediblySadToo · 23/02/2019 19:10

I would go and speak to the management and ask if they can help you out with another room. If not, & you can afford it, see what else is available elsewhere and enjoy the rest of your holidays.

puppy23 · 23/02/2019 19:16

Not on topic but I'm so jealous you're in Cape Verde - one of my dream destinations! How is it aside from this?!

Glad you've found other holiday makers to chat with, I love meeting new folk while away

Voldethought · 23/02/2019 19:19

Selective mutism? ASD? Some selective mutes, while being able to speak to answer direct questions, find small talk hard and hate being asked open ended questions or for an opinion. Any feeling of disapproval or exasperation from you might increase the anxiety she is feeling - that might explain why she has been chattier in the past, but now seems more closed off?

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 19:19

There's nothing more unnerving than being with someone who doesn't speak. It's even worse if she just laughs when you speak. She's really rude.

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 19:20

@HolidayQ. Lighten up. Lots of people do that on holiday. Not everyone trawls the place for new people to speak to. You already knew she wasn’t a big talker did you expect her to change on holiday.

She’s different to you, but even though you’ve satisfied yourself it’s not personal, you want to brand her as abnormal. I would rather poke my own eye than strike up a friendship wth random folk on holiday, that doesn’t mean I think you doing it is strange.

This reminds me of that thread about introverts and extroverts. Why must it be she who acts your way?

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 19:22

This sounds like a nightmare situation and the OP's paid a lot for her holiday.
Then she should have been more careful about who to invite when her friends said they wouldn’t go.

OlennasWimple · 23/02/2019 19:26

What happens if you directly ask her "What do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

She can't just give a one word answer to that question

She sounds as if she is deeply depressed, TBH, if she isn't talking and is neglecting her personal hygiene

HollowTalk · 23/02/2019 19:28

Yabbers, you aren't doing yourself any favours here. The OP has said that she asked if she wanted to come and the woman said yes. Now that she's on holiday with her, sharing a room, the other woman isn't saying a word to her. Are you really blaming the OP for being upset about this?

MaggieAndHopey · 23/02/2019 19:30

I don't believe that any introvert would accept an invitation like this - as I said, I wouldn't - so there must be something else going on.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/02/2019 19:33

This is weird. Probably wasn’t the best idea to ask someone you don’t know well to go away with you really but it’s done now.

I would talk to her about the smell, not in an unkind way but matter of fact then I would just do my own thing for the rest of the time.

Try and enjoy the sun OP, read a book and drink cocktails!

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Doubletrouble99 · 23/02/2019 19:37

I have an Autistic DD and I have to say that the non communicating and the not washing are quite common for our DD. Unless she is in a routine to do she won't bother doing anything including getting dressed/undressed so weekends and holidays can be really difficult.

No real ideas apart from just asking her if she is Autistic. Would explain a lot.

BMW6 · 23/02/2019 19:38

Spray loads of Oust in the room and stop trying to engage with her.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/02/2019 19:40

I agree it's weird but it's also pretty rude; you're not expecting a complete personality change, just a few pleasantries, maybe a bit of engagement and certainly a fresh smelling room

What's her hygiene like at work - has anyone noticed an issue before or does this seem to be new?

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