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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 21/02/2019 10:42

Re the potential for damage; call your council planning and get a number for building control.

TheABC · 21/02/2019 10:43

Cheeky fuckers! Don't allow this OP.

NigellaAwesome · 21/02/2019 10:43

Ooh, building control!

OP posts:
WineAndTiramisu · 21/02/2019 10:43

I'd leave everything on your drive, cars included. Video everything, make them clean up afterwards.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/02/2019 10:44

Its worth noting that they may not use the gate and just come straight over the fence.

I know that it depends on the builder etc. but I have seen and had this happen.

PanamaPattie · 21/02/2019 10:44

Are they trying to get on your drive?

WineAndTiramisu · 21/02/2019 10:44

And you can't go to work, who will update us?!

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/02/2019 10:44

I wouldn't move anything either.

Jaxhog · 21/02/2019 10:46

Presumably, they can't get onto your drive without you opening the gates. If they attempt to get in otherwise, they are breaking and entering and you can call the police to stop them.

Otherwise, I think you wait for your neighbours to propose an agreement. Have a list of safety requirements and time scales ready. With penalties if they don't comply. If you need to take advice from a surveyor or solicitor they should pay for this. Unless there is a 'reasonable' alternative, you may have to give them access. But make sure it is on your terms and at your convenience.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 21/02/2019 10:46

Get a taxi so that your DH can stay in the house. The very second both of you are out of sight you KNOW they will jump over the gate and start bolting the scaffolding together.

calpop · 21/02/2019 10:46

woe, what a CF and what an.entitkwd idiot. Just assumed you would agree. Hope you're keeping the gates permanently locked.

Yabbers · 21/02/2019 10:46

no, the chimney isn't unsafe, just letting in damp apparently
If it’s letting in damp, there is a crack in the brick/mortar. If left unsolved it could very well become unsafe.

If the builder is reputable he should carry insurance for damage done to neighbouring buildings.

I totally get that you don’t want to give access but if they need it done and it can’t be done any other way, it’s riskier to say no.

However, for them to turn up and start without your permission is against the law. I’d be getting the police involved if they refuse to stop.

Justaboy · 21/02/2019 10:46

I rather doubt that building control will have any intrest in this its only the erection of scaffolding and a repair to a chimmey.

I'd err, just make sure you take lots of photos and if you feel somthing unsafe is going on then the health and safety executive would be the best bet!.

cuppycakey · 21/02/2019 10:47

What a CF!!!!!

DanielRicciardosSmile · 21/02/2019 10:47

Bloody hell. Under no circumstances should you leave the house unoccupied. I almost guarantee the moment the car turns off the street they'll be over the fence. Definitely get a taxi this morning.

TSSDNCOP · 21/02/2019 10:50

Just if there is a genuine risk of falling debris from an unsafe site, my experience is they’re very interested.

It might be speculative at this point, but if the situation worsens they’re the place to go as IME the council are no help.

I speak as someone who had roof slates falling into our garden last summer.

LindaLa · 21/02/2019 10:52

Get a taxi!!

I have shits for neighbours and they often wait until I'm out and tell their visitors to use my drive.

Less often now, since I now block them in and don't open my door.

StealthPolarBear · 21/02/2019 10:55

Yes I wouldn't leave the house unoccupied

Jaxhog · 21/02/2019 10:56

I did a quick google search to see if anyone else had had a simialr problem, and found this:
legalbeagles.info/forums/forum/legal-forums/housing-property-and-neighbours/37096-urgent-action-please-regarding-scaffolding-erected-on-my-property-without-permission

It emphasises the need for photos and not allowing builders to even come over the fence. Once they start erecting, it'll be the devils own job to get them to leave.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/02/2019 10:56

LindaLa

Less often now, since I now block them in and don't open my door.

Love it, I do the same, but be careful as it puts you in the wrong.

BirdieInTheHand · 21/02/2019 10:59

Don't let builders on to your property.

Be very polite and friendly with the builder, explain you've had multiple issues with your neighbour and can't rely on him to behave reasonably. I'd also make a quip about hoping he'd been paid upfront

Having them onside as much as possible will mitigate risk of their being reckless with your property.

Take photos of area which you're concerned about. Continue to do so.

And then don't engage beyond "sorry I canny agree to that". Don't give it the emotional energy. Not your problem

mmgirish · 21/02/2019 11:00

Omg, how rude! Good idea about setting up a camera to record.

toastonbean · 21/02/2019 11:00

OP you're going to have to pull a sickie at work. We need constant updates. Soz.

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 21/02/2019 11:01

This whole discussion has been academic. GG had no intention of ever seeking your permission and your swithering means nowt to him. I'd have cameras all over the place. And the fuck they'd come onto my property. If you have a solicitor, I'd contact him/her.

spiderlight · 21/02/2019 11:01

I've got scaffolding up at the moment and I would not have dreamt of allowing/expecting access to my neighbours' drives to put it up. A couple of the horizontal poles are about 6 inches over into next-door's garden (at first floor level, but she's elderly and doesn't go upstairs), but we still went round with flowers to apologise the day they went up. We're also going to offer to pay for the neighbours' cars to be cleaned once the work's done in case they're dusty. That's just what neighbours should do - yours is unbelievably cheeky. I would probably end up allowing access because I'm a pushover and terrified of confrontation, but not without guarantees that any damage would be covered.