Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 20/02/2019 23:09

You see OP, if your DH allows this, and it sounds like he's lobbying hard so as to be seen as the nice guy who will then let you deal with the fall out (and fall down ho ho), then it won't end there. Your neighbours are really nasty and they will do anything to get what they want - if you just keep being nice and trying to keep the peace with people who have already shown you what they are, things will get worse.

Also using a builder who says things like "I've come a long way to talk to you" when its not your problem only goes to show what he's going to be like during the works - an entitled arse from the Gobby Gordon stable.

I think it would be entirely a good thing to allow it to go to court, because then you can lay out what concessions you want, times of access etc will be agreed and it keeps it entirely formal and you have recourse if it goes tits up. Do you have legal advice on your household insurance? Have a word there and then just sit back and wait.

StoppinBy · 20/02/2019 23:09

I agree that you should allow it if it is a safety issue as you ay end up with damage to your property if the chimney comes down by itself.

I agree with PP that they should be giving you their driveway to use for the duration if time that the scaffolding is in place, if they don't want to do that then they can work out something else other than using your drive to get the works done.

Coronapop · 20/02/2019 23:10

Given the history, in your position I wouldn't get involved at all, just tell the builder no, he cannot put scaffolding up on your drive because you use it for your vehicles. And leave it at that. No neighbour dispute as such, simply a case of a builder asked a question and you replied no.

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 23:11

As an aside, I have been here for 12 years, and this thread has generated the most replies ever on a thread I have started.

OP posts:
Omzlas · 20/02/2019 23:11

Not a fucking chance flower

No. No. No. Rinse and repeat.

bluebell34567 · 20/02/2019 23:12

do you think their attitude will change towards you if you let them? i dont think so.
also, collecting a lot of info about you and delivering them to a stranger workman is very weird and creepy.
i wouldnt trust them.
the wife seems nice but obedient to GG, maybe he bullies her, too.

bluebell34567 · 20/02/2019 23:13

dont enter to any arguments with them and just say 'no'.

greathat · 20/02/2019 23:13

I feel we need a diagram as to why the scaffolding is on your drive not theirs as this will turn into a parking thread. They are taking the piss completely though

Louiselouie0890 · 20/02/2019 23:14

Is the chimney unsafe?

greathat · 20/02/2019 23:16

Oh sorry had somehow missed diagram. Got the start and end of t!

lozster · 20/02/2019 23:16

Your diagram seems to show a 1 metre width passageway on the neighbours side. Wouldn’t that be tight for scaffold? Are you sure that this isn’t an unreasonable person making a reasonable request?

greathat · 20/02/2019 23:17

Although I not get from diagram why they can't manage something in the space they've got. Scaffolding folk are clever

russiandwarf · 20/02/2019 23:19

Based on how difficult it was for you to get the £120 out of GG I don't think I would trust him to co-operate if any problems cropped up with this. Nor would I expect compensation to be forthcoming for any damage done. He has shown you before who he is and confirmed this by not having the decency to come round and ask you about this himself. If I were you I would say no based on these reasons alone. But if you aren't sure, at the very least tell the builder you won't be allowing anything without GG coming round to discuss it himself. It's the least he can do, if he really wants permission. If he can't be bothered to come round and ask nicely then I don't see why you should be bothered to inconvenience yourself. This needs to be agreed between GG and you and your DH not the builder. There are too many questions regarding alternative parking etc. Just sit it out, the onus is on them not you.

Kezzamo · 20/02/2019 23:23

Tell him to piss off! Tell him that's why he should be nice to people! Wanker. Ooh he's made me cross!

zzzzz · 20/02/2019 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 23:27

Louise, no, the chimney isn't unsafe, just letting in damp apparently.

Greathat attempt at diagram is on the thread.

Bluebell & others no, their attitude towards us won't change in the slightest. It has always been entitled, and will continue to be. Someone said earlier how much can you roll over to be a doormat? That's what I feel is happening. DH on the otherhand thinks we should facilitate it.

I have just reminded him that I ended up having to powerhose off the concrete residue on our driveway left by their builder last year when they did work. It really feels one way with them.

And yes, the builder was overbearing. He said that he had done work for XX who would be a loose acquaintance from my area of work, and said he could give me a reference, which made me realise Gobby Gordon had been discussing my work with the builder. He really went overboard with it, and kept repeating 'you would know XX wouldn't you?' to which I replied 'who are you talking about and why do you think I would know them?' It felt like hard sell tactics.

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 20/02/2019 23:29

They can’t be trusted to honor any arrangement, you could end up with scaffolding there for months.

I would say no and tell them it’s because they went about it the wrong way.

cstaff · 20/02/2019 23:31

The builder sounds as delightful as GG. Are you sure they are not related.

Jux · 20/02/2019 23:34

Can't they build their scaffolding in their back garden?

(I'm sorry I can't read the labels on yo diagram so I can't tell what's what.)

redredrobins · 20/02/2019 23:36

A little bit of googling and I have found that you need less than a metres width to put up scaffolding, so he can just build on there side, no need to access your drive at all.

honeylane · 20/02/2019 23:39

No no and definitely no

CantStopMeNow · 20/02/2019 23:40

DH has said he doesn't know why I'm asking here as MN is a bunch of vipers who don't care if we get on with our neighbours
Tell your husband us MN vipers have bigger balls than him....which is why we don't appease bullies like Gobby Gordon.

As for it taking 3 weeks to damp-proof a chimney - they're having you on!
I think Gobby Gordon has other works planned as well.

I would just say no and let them find an alternative.
They've done bugger all to build good relations with you, have refused to treat you with the courtesy and respect you asked for and will continue to bully yo in the future.
So why on earth are you giving them your energy and putting yourself out?
At the very least, you should be compensated for all this if do decide to go ahead.

CoolJule43 · 20/02/2019 23:40

OP - from the diagram you have drawn it looks as if the scaffolding can be erected in their 1m wide passageway. It will probably need to be drilled into their building at several points for stability. Your NDN probably doesn't want the drill holes in their walls.
If they put wider scaffolding on your driveway it will be more stable so not need to be drilled into their wall and it will also give the builders more room to work.

It isn't imperative for them to use your drive. They just want no drill holes in their wall and the builder wants an easier life/ more space to work.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 20/02/2019 23:40

It would be a no from me.

russiandwarf · 20/02/2019 23:41

Further to my previous post actually I would just say no anyway, it's too inconvenient, even if he does bother to come round. He can't really argue with that to be honest, it's your right to say no