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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
TakeNoSHt · 24/02/2019 00:43

You have done the right thing by not allowing scaffolding on your land. I have been suffering from nextdoors extension for 5 months now. Botched job and over the boundary so it has to be redone. No privacy at all,had a pet die to the noise and stress and my health has gotten worse. Your thread has inspired me to set up rules if/when they do restart!!
I hope all goes well for you and the work doesn’t drag on

Bignosenobum · 24/02/2019 00:50

TakeNoSHt well fucking said.

Diamondsandjems · 24/02/2019 20:47

We are all entitled to an opinion OP, I wasn’t asking if you think your being childish and petty I was telling you I think it is childish and petty. Glad you put in your big girl pants to speak to the man you call names and you husband was so proud you didn’t loose your temper when you spoke to him. Point proven I think.

NigellaAwesome · 24/02/2019 21:05

Okaaay Mrs Gobby Gordon Grin

OP posts:
BuildingBackUp · 24/02/2019 21:06

I agree with Diamonds - it does all sound childish and petty and you sound like nightmare neighbours too op.

All the rubbish about ‘personal information’ being given to the builder - heaven forbid Hmm If the neighbours know this information then it’s hardly personal, is it?

hannonle · 24/02/2019 21:19

Is it just me who thinks it's dodgy having a non-local builder in the first place? I'd be wanting to see their previous work, get reviews etc.

DishingOutDone · 24/02/2019 21:40

Bloody 'ell Nigella the builder's on here now too!! Grin

ElfAndSafetyBored · 24/02/2019 21:50

I think I would let them since it is a chimney, probably a structural need, crappy thing to have to spend money on. Just because he’s a twat, doesn’t mean you have to be.

TakeNoSHt · 24/02/2019 22:26

Bring on when they appear back at mine! And i’d go mad if a builder told me they knew stuff about about my personal life.

Pinkyyy · 24/02/2019 22:30

I completely agree with you @Diamondsandjems . I tried to make similar points to you earlier but it was clear the OP just wanted to be backed up. I was shocked at people congratulating her on making someone else's life difficult, purely out of spite. Hopefully she never needs any work done because as I said already, I'm sure they will be just as accomodating as she was for them.

Hutchismo · 24/02/2019 22:39

This little spate of folk calling the op spiteful and petty is totally not suspicious.

PickAChew · 24/02/2019 22:40

Chimneys can be removed from terraced houses, so there's no need for them to use your land.

Pinkyyy · 24/02/2019 22:43

@Hutchismo I'm not calling the OP anything. I already made similar points earlier and I was just agreeing with what was said. It seems that people are all telling the OP how amazing she was, when in actual fact, not everyone thinks she was.

BuildingBackUp · 24/02/2019 22:51

Or Hutchismo it could just be that people are individuals and not everyone has the same opinion? Hmm

HeadfirstForHalos · 25/02/2019 00:12

They didnt need to use the OPs land, it was just more convenient to the neighbours and builder, even though it was at an inconvenience to OP.

There's no way I'd have let a rude, entitled neighbour , who couldn't even be arsed to knock on and ask, use my driveway for building work.

ktp100 · 25/02/2019 18:50

Standing up to a CF is not childish or petty in the slightest, OP. Hopefully GG will think twice before dishing out more cheeky fuckery in future. Well played.

NigellaAwesome · 25/02/2019 22:43

Work started today. Builder arrived round to ask me to move my car as there is likely to be a lot of debris. Despite assuring us that netting would put up, there is nowhere near enough. There is netting on the lower quarter of the scaffolding and that is it. I asked him if he was using a waste chute, and he said no. They just threw the bricks down into the neighbour's garden from about 40 feet up.

Our driveway was absolutely covered in debris - mortar and broken bricks. DH spoke to the builder who said he would get more netting, and would send someone in to sweep up, which in fairness he did do, but the driveway is still a mess. It is a stone paver driveway, so I don't want chips out of it. I'll see if more netting arrives tomorrow.

Builder told me he is really annoyed that neighbour didn't speak to us, and if he had known that neighbour was going to leave it to him to do, then he wouldn't have taken the job. Apparently he wanted to use a cherry picker to do the job, but it wouldn't fit through the neighbour's gates and GG wasn't prepared to move the gatepost for the job. I'm not sure how much of any of that to believe.

OP posts:
FuerzaAreaUruguay · 25/02/2019 22:45

I really hope you have recorded all the debris and mess in your drive and keep on doing so. Personally, if I had the means, I'd see a solicitor.

everydaymum · 25/02/2019 23:05

Take photos of your drive now so that you can show any damage was done during the building/Reno process.

DishingOutDone · 25/02/2019 23:20

I think it has got to photograph stage now OP. Bollocky Builder (BB) has no intention of doing a good job for GG. They're Joint Cheeky Fuckers (JCF).

TakeNoSHt · 26/02/2019 00:17

Good on you and DH for speaking up. I wonder if they asked other neighbour if its ok to dump waste in their garden? 😡

Justaboy · 26/02/2019 00:31

They just threw the bricks down into the neighbour's garden from about 40 feet up.

If i were you i'd call the health and safety executive and report that! its bloody lethal that sort of behaviour, those bricks if they hit someone could kill them from that height and the weight of them.

Ask then if thsy could stop work till they fix up a chute for christsakes!

PCohle · 26/02/2019 00:48

Christ that's appalling. Why is the builder so laissez-faire about using a chute?

NigellaAwesome · 26/02/2019 01:02

For clarity, when I said neighbour's garden, I was referring to GG's garden, not another neighbour.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 26/02/2019 01:08

I would say a big fat no. He can't be a nasty neighbour and then ask for such a huge favour like that, it's ridiculous.

I would also get a security camera on your gate/driveway, and report any unauthorised access to the police. Report it every single time it happens, even if it's more than once a day.

If your neighbours were ok then I'd be telling you different, maybe work something out where they let you use their driveway or something, but this guy is an arse so you owe him no favours.