AIBU to not be able to get passed this?

[buttermymuffins]

Be gentle as this is affecting my mental health. DH1 voted leave, I voted remain. I can't get over my anger with him. He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU. He has never voted Conservative in his life but has a very strong moral compass. He totally does not see that his vote to leave has contributed to this mess we are in as a country and the long lasting impact it Will have on our 2 DCs. Does anyone else have a partner who voted differently and feels very strongly about it? How have you got through it? I am so upset at the state of this country but I just can't talk about it with him. Please don't say to respect his decision & move on because the impact of leave is so far reaching & will have such an impact on so many aspects of our lives for so long. I work in a business where I see this every day - not just from a business point of view but people's attitudes, tolerance levels etc. Maybe it's a sign of a deeper rooted problem between us which I need to explore. Help. It's making me so sad.

My DH voted differently to me. It's difficult to have a sensible conversation about because we are poles apart on the subject. So we tend not to speak about it.
Having said that, it's more than 2 years since the vote and I think we've both realised that we each had good reasons for voting the way we did but 'here we are'. Brexit is going to happen one way or another, so we've both accepted each other's viewpoint and accepted that Brexit will happen. We've both now got the attitude 'let's see what happens and make the best of it'.

My sister voted leave. I believe it was because of her husband's influence as leaving the EU would directly and harmfully impact her career. I struggle to get over it emotionally and she's just my sister, not my partner!

My partner votes differently to me, and usually does in general elections too. I don't care, they're their own person. They have their reasons for voting for something/someone, I have mine. If you get bent out of shape about someone voting differently to you, you're the one with the problem, not them.

I voted leave.

I have 2 family members who voted leave, who wouldn't listen to discussions before the vote, who keep saying " well no one could have predicted..", when I did predict clearly, as did many other people, the mess that would ensue from Brexit.
They make me really angry, I do hold them responsible, I do feel they've had a hand in wrecking the country and my children's future. Their working lives are already affected, and we all know that employment protection will vanish. And there has been no proper government for the last few years because all their energies are going into how to deal with Brexit, rather than addressing other serious issues.
It makes me really angry. If it were a husband who voted that way, I'm not sure I'd be able to stay with him. I've certainly lost respect for other people who voted leave, and I wouldn't want to be with a man I couldn't respect.
I feel for you.

'He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU.'

He does sound quite thick and uninformed, which is harder to accept than simply a difference of political views.

DH1, tho, so presumably his days are already numbered! Roll on DH2, staunch remainer!

DH & I both voted remain. Many of our close friends voted leave. We just don't get into a discussion about it .

Biker47

This. I can't believe that people find it so difficult to understand why others might vote differently to them. It's not like your poor DH is the only one to vote leave! I find the moral pontificating about voting really concerning tbh. There isn't a right and wrong option.

I don't usually get upset about people voting differently to me. But this is a particular hot issue as it will result in what I feel to be terrible consequences for me, my children and those that I love. If the vote had been something else it might have been different! That's how I see it at least.

Both my oh parents and mine voted leave as did my sister.

They still think they are right now and none of the Nissan BMI problems etc ate because of Brexit. That's just an excuse.

Bone of contention.

Another negative of Brexit family fallout and ill feeling.

I totally get where you're coming from, how is it ever allowed that others hold different view points than our own?
Do they not realise they need to follow our decision/thought processes/opinions at all times?
Please do not tell me he also chooses to dress differently, not eat the exact same meals and dare I say it think differently to you.
Honestly I don't even think a LTB is good enough for this rogue clone of yours, please murder him immediately and remove his independence immediately, the utter scoundrel.

Personally, my reasons for voting the way I do and did being what they are, I couldn't stay married to someone who voted completely differently to me because it would indicate a fundamental irreconcilable difference in our core values. If they did not believe in those core values, I wouldn't want to be with them. My partner is allowed to have different views to me, but it's important our values are aligned (to me anyway).

OP, console yourself thinking about how often you'll get to say "I told you so" in a few months time.
I do understand where you're coming from, sometimes people have opinions you never thought of them having. You should, however, be able to have different opinions whilst maintaining a good relationship.
(You should probably ask why, though. Having "no moral option" is a bit vague.)

DH and I have opposing views on a lot of things. It’s not a problem because our views are rational so we can reason them out even if we end up coming to different conclusions. If the two of you are having emotions about this I would suggest you consider the implication. You are having feelings about a political institution. Can’t you see how screwed up that is?

I voted Remain, DH voted leave. He was anxious about the rise of the far right in Europe and wanted to disassociate from them. He also felt that generally the EU experiment had failed.

He now feels really regretful..... ideally he’d still want to leave but with what’s happened he now wishes he’d voted Remain.

Also many of you are being a bit defeatist. It’s hardly wrecking the country blah blah blah. Wrecking the country would be having brexit and then giving up. Instead of getting on being all weepy about brexit it would be better to start lobbying for plans re trade etc. Who knew the British were so wet?

BeanTownNancy

But voting on the whole isn't about values. Your particular values will span all political parties... it isn't just that Tories are evil and hate scroungers and labour are kind and giving. The differences are in priorities and approach to fiscal issues etc etc.

This a democracy not a dictorship, you know as well as I do, your DP is able to cast his vote where he chooses. 17.4 million were gullible mugs, he's one of them. Pity him.

Ok, of course he is allowed different opinions & I totally respect that. Doesn't mean I can't be angry at his choice & his contribution to the mess we are in. But as a few have said this is such a big thing for our children's future, our futures, our employment prospects, our nations ability to tolerate etc. It isn't whether he chose to wear a blue shirt today when I thought a white one might look better. The dH1 was a mistake! no plan for DH2. Not a frequent poster & usually post about DC1 or 2. He is very intelligent & well read, not thick at all as someone said. Which is why it infuriates me even further. Not suggesting only thick people voted leave before you have a go at me. He even says he didn't want to actually leave but it was his only option. He is quite rigid in his thoughts but that's prob another thread. Still none the wiser how to get through this. Yes, prob is me with the problem. I'm just so sad & upset with what is happening & I just don't feel we are on the same page & the strong unit we used to be. Bloody Brexit.

Really your dh having a different opinion to you is effecting your metal health? Bit dramatic to be honest Drama Queen alert 🚨

He is entitled to vote however he wants, I mean his allowed his own political views

I can’t believe people fall out with love ones over this shit

My mother voted leave, the only one in my immediate family. She didn't understand and was swept along with the promises on the side of the buses. I think she was also influenced by Facebook and her own friends. She regrets it now, actually she's pretty mortified.

PinkHeart5914
Let's hope no one close to you has any mental health problems. Best not call them a drama queen. Like telling someone with a broken leg to grow another one.

DH and I voted remain but most of both our families voted leave, it has caused quite a few heated discussions that’s for sure.

I understand why you feel the way you do OP but for the sake of your marriage all you can do is put this to one side. But yes, bloody brexit indeed.

I do think I couldn't be with someone who had radically different political views to my own. Some differences of course, but politics pervades so much of everyday life I'd find it hard to see how you could be compatible with someone if they had such a different outlook on the world and such different priorities.

DP voted leave, I voted remain. For relevancy, I'm mixed race heritage, he's white. There's no immigration issue from him i.e. he isn't a racist.

He was eurosceptic from the moment I met him (he is in Economics) and this was before Brexit actually became a thing.

I never had strong opinions on his opinion because it's up to him. His argument for it is sound and I'm actually quite ashamed to associate myself with a lot of remainers because they come across quite thick to be honest (the one's ive encountered IRL).

I work in finance in the city, Brexit is definitely being scaremongered a lot. Our sector is absolutely thriving because of brexit. People fail to mention those parts. I work with people mixed on the matter (most people I work with aren't English) and so people have their reasons for their opinion. But I actually think my partner's arguments are irrefutable and very intelligent. So I respect his choice. It just wasn't mine.

I think you have to be an absolute weirdo to let it affect you. Also, it isn't really any of your business what he voted for as long as his opinions aren't morally unsound (i.e. he isn't a raging racist)

@butter I have mental health issues, quite severe ones, but you are being a drama queen about this by your posts and it's not a reflection on your mental health. They're just saying YES YABU!